Update from Up North.

First and foremost: B's mini-tumor still has the opportunity to turn out to be a Histiocytom... meaning that it could be a "good" tumor that is not unusual in young dogs. I currently apply a gel twice a day that should make it receede (diagnostic tool of sorts) within a week or two. If it doesn't go away I will have to take him in for surgery. Even if I have to do that it could obviously turn out to be a "good" tumor; however, I am sending a lot of good juju into the cells to keep surgery from happening. It's better for B, for our exercise routines, and for my wallet. Thanks for the support!

I also got a chance to talk to a dog trainer about some of his less functional behaviors (essentially being protective of me). It's been incredibly good for me to seek help in this area, and I feel really good about taking some steps to help him feel more relaxed around strangers. In short: When looking at the pics on this blog you already know the B he already is... 95% of the time. Now I finally know how I can help him to feel that way 100% of the time! Yay, relief! Yay, asking for help!

This is our lake from a nearby skiing mountain. Mr. Moose and I started to seakajak on it last week. It's incredible. One day I went back and took B, thinking I could paddle along the shore and he could run (or rather, walk). Instead he swam and eventually jumped onto my kajak. Nope, I did not end up swimming, but realized that it will take a little training to realize the dreamy scenario of paddling into the sunset with Beefy strolling along. Little note of interest: Up North our sunset happens currently at 10:26pm and the sunrise at 3:35am.

B during our yesterday's walk. Sadly there are quite a few clearcuts that are very visible in Sweden. According to my interactions with locals they still collect wood that way here. Makes B and I a little sad. It's so much prettier when the trees get to stay where they belong. Or when sustainable practices are applied. And yes, we walked straight into that storm cloud... and had to find shelter under a tree later. That's where the following shot happened:

And lastly, the German visit. Man, I must admit I have been getting anxious about that one. Turns out that things went super smoothly, that we enjoyed one anothers company, that they loved my home, my (T)rusty (which is a stretch), and B (which is not). The - best possible result - of their visit has happened: I have a gig with a kid scheduled. I know I wrote on here that I have my first client a few weeks ago... which I do and it goes well by the way... but this will be my first REAL client. And it's going to be brilliant as I already know him, and as he will come here with another staff to spend three weeks in the area (during which I'll be a support and local guide of sorts - and make a little money). During the second three weeks of this 6-week project I, B, and the kid will be backpacking. Yahoooo!! Work! I'm for real! My company is, too! (Even though I have this awkward struggle to actually register it and move along with things). Isn't all this great?

I'm also going on an impromptu trip tomorrow til Wednesday. Accordingly I have to get my ducks in a row now and take advantage of being in the frontcountry for another 24 hour period or so. See you at the other end.

PS: Stay tuned for photos. After a longish period of rainy weather the forecast is sun sun sun! Being out for 4 days should lead to some inspiring shots! :)

Post 100: Evaluation Time...!

This is post # 100. (Don't mind the couple of draft posts in my dashboard).

It's time to evaluate how things are going.

(In reality this post is meant to distract me from the pain that I feel/felt in my belly when I learned that I bought a lemon instead of a reliable beautiful car last week). This could have easily become a hate post. But thanks to my optimistic disposition I'll turn it into something else. What...? No idea. Please, stay with me while I find out.

I have lived in Sweden for approximately 6 months now (June and July partially, and then from mid October till now). During this time I have:

- Lived with a family that I didn't know prior.
- Learned a little Swedish.
- Lost a job that I had moved for that I really never even got.
- Got an apartment.
- Let go of an apartment.
- Moved Beefy here.
- Learned that it is INSANE to move to Sweden (some days at least).
- Appreciated the beauty of the forests, lakes, and the sea in Southern Sweden.
- Swam in many lakes and different places in the sea.
- Taken bike trips.
- Taken daily walks with Buford.
- Bought a car.. ahem lemon.
- Visited Up North.
- Returned a car after threatening the shithead who sold it to me. Voodoo anyone?
- Decided to move - Up North.
- Snowboarded once.... what the ...?!?!
- Telemark-skied only on ridiculously flat terrain (lame, inefficient version of x-country skiing).
- Seen one wild moose and fed three tame ones.
- Couch-surfed mucho.
- Made a few very good friends.
- Lost one very good friend (ouch!!).
- Taken hundreds of photos of my rock.
- Had a grand total of 11,000 SEK of income (from Sweden that is)... that's a joke, people... = approximately 1,400 USD... divided onto 6 months... (stomach flutter pain returns).



Yesterday I caught myself thinking "maybe I should leave now"... - cause particularly looking at my "income" makes me cringe... and my luck with apartments, jobs, and cars doesn't help. I also told N & N under tears that I hate "bringing all that badness into their life". That's how I felt. It's not fun. And still... (you can call me crazy now): I'm not giving up. I think there is something waiting for me Up North. Something powerful that will make all this... stuff... worth it. I believe that I am just working my way into the place that I belong. I gotta say though: It would really help my self-confidence and my trust in life to have some sort of success sometimes soon. How can one capable courageous woman continuously be discouraged by the environment? How long does one last? Or better, how long do I last...? And, will it get easier?

I think I'll have to drink that Mirror Pond beer tonight that my friends sent me for Christmas. Not in despair - I almost did that yesterday after learning about the lemon - but in... well.. in a grounding sort of way. I guess I could celebrate 100 blog posts as well as having Beefy and N & N in my life? [In case you haven't noticed, this is your friendly cue to tell me that yes, I should indeed drink a wonderful beer from the Pacific Northwest tonight].

Found a Coffee Place... and an Ice Climb.

Yesterday's visit of my neighborhood village (across the Braviken) introduced me to all kinds of fun. For instance: I am now aware of the fact that I can go drink a cup of coffee with others.. by merely doing the following simple steps:

1. Gear up with winter clothing.
2. Take deep breath.
3. Call B (actually, he's ready the minute I even consider leaving the house).
4. Grab essentials (water, leash, booties, poop bag, survival snack).
5. Leave house (make sure that the boss leaves first).
6. Walk towards the ferry - choose the acres this time.
7. Start running after checking the time.
8. Have a literal 'run in' on the ferry right before it leaves.
9. Leash the B after arriving on board.
10. Nod thankfully up to the ferry gods :)
11. Turn into an icicle during the 2 minutes ride.
12. Walk past the boat storage place (where Mr. Moose's Atlantic rowing boat is stored).
13. Arrive in Kvarsebo "down town".
14. Find the coffee place.
15. Realize that it's closed.

Time frame for all this? A mere hour or so.
Plan? Come back when it's open.

B & I spontaneously decided to climb the mountain behind the coffee shop. After climbing past the section below, the boss (that would be me) decided it was too risky to proceed. There were ice sheets all over. I was writing headlines in my head (is that why they are called headlines??): "Stupid Tourist and her Cute Dog fell to Death during Monday Exploration of the Neighborhood", or "Send the Swiss Home: Tragedy on the Mountain", you get the drift...

We did find a trail after all (cause we're not giving up when there is a "utkik" for grabs).

"And where is the food, mama?"

On the way back I decided to film the progression of the ice from the ferry. The video doesn't only star Beefy, but also my glove. Cool, huh?





And today... we're going grocery shopping. By ski. Thinking about future headlines: "Silly Swiss didn't know where to Park cute Dog and Skis - Deported"... or "When will it end? Swiss having too much Fun in Sweden".

Make yourself giggle today!!

HoliDAZE...

My first holidays "not working with troubled teens in the wilderness in four years" were thoroughly enjoyable. I barely missed the kiddos. And thanks to N and I's glorious idea we went into the forest where I served up some cheese fondue for everyone :)

How come I haven't done this before?? Like, as a staff meal when I worked in the woods? It only takes minutes once the fire is going and it's positively incredible. At least for a Swiss.

Check out the cheese string!!

Beefy found the secret recipe and stash ;)

Charming N.

Charming another N (and the photographer).

Swedish holiday dinner. Based on fish and meat.

Most important to me.. the evening walk around midnight.

My mom had sent me home-made Christmas cookies, chocolate, a candle, dried fruit, and a Swiss twig!

And my Oregon friends more than touched me with their Super-Care-Package for B and I...
Who wouldn't run off to Sweden when getting bliss in a box like this?

This is a photo of parts of Yxbacken. We went snowboarding there the other day. It shows maybe 1/2 of the whole "mountain". Was fun though!

B and I found more ice upon returning to Paradise...

And now, we're settling back in living on our own and eating holiday candy. He's got the biggest pile of candy ever (and so do I).

Also: I am a little bit concerned that I'll fall in a hole as I am a bit too non-busy these days. Just realized yesterday that I have barely worked in 2009. I was done with my last trek in early April and then only worked 2 months in August and September... crazy... how come I am not on and island somewhere if I am already taking such a long "break"? And, can I even work anymore? Need to find a way to keep the doubts at bay these days.

Nice to remember that I made some absolutely wonderful connections this year. Other than getting to celebrate this past week with friends and (their) family I also received notes and lil' packages from places I least expected it. The farmer gave me a big box of Merci Chocolate when I brought him a homemade card (featuring his cats and him), and I got a really exciting mixed CD and chocolate and a Oregon sticker and a note from Long Story Longer (one of my first blogging connections :)...).

So, plenty to do these days while waiting for the next step with my employment hopes (getting an invite for an interview to the refugee home place, visiting the moose guy in mid-January, and hearing what happened during the board meeting at Yxbacken after January 11th): Eating candy, listening to music, reading, walking the B, training the B, learning Swedish, writing... sounds dreamy, no? And like a good way to keeping the black cloud at bay that way...

Re-Gathering.

These last few days with deadline and interviews were quite the thrill for me. Am still savoring the after-taste. Good thing I have B. He takes me on hikes and makes sure I gather myself and find balance... in the midst of it all. He's a master at that stuff:

He's fully present - be it observing...

... or running wild...

Nature knows the same secrets.

But B also believes in friends... even silly ones ;)

+++

So, what happened?

Well, I basically kicked a$$. For three days in a row.

I think I emphasized on here already that my application to the future refugee home was grand. I won't beat a dead horse.

I also did a mini-report on my Stockholm lunch (sushi, yay!) with the moose guy. That option could become everything I dream of. Why am I not up there yet? Maybe it's the nay-sayer within me... the part of me that has been hurt when I came here to find that I couldn't work with the people I had moved here for. Maybe it's fear of starting fresh and once more moving away from what has - in the meanwhile - become comfortable and treasured. It's also a little bit of hesitance about maybe ending up being professionally "attached" to one person. The moose guy has lots of connections. I wonder what would happen if "we" didn't work out and I was up there... in the pampa with some moose. And wolves. And bear. And mountains. And opportunities. OK, there came my dreams into the monologue again. I guess the best thing I can do right now is wait, and see if he follows through. And then head up there in January to check it out and feel the place out.

+++

Another thing is... I'm kinda in love with the process of exploring opportunities. It's a thrill for me to write incredible applications or suggested outlines to develop organizations, and I kinda wanna do that for a while. Silly...?

+++

And then, yesterday happened. I wrote on here that the ski guys had sent me an email to dampen my hopes (basically saying "yes, you can slave for us, but unfortunately there won't be money in return"). I also wrote that I would use the meeting to work on my skills of selling my skills. And, I gotta say: I impressed both them and myself. After a delicious lunch meeting at a noble restaurant (with me sitting there in my winter boots and my laid back clothing style and my disheveled hair... and my motivation brimming out of my eyes) the ski people are now infected with my dream of shaping their old school ski club hill into an alive and exciting environment for people to meet, learn new skills, and play. The environment is perfect: Of course there's the ski hill at the heart of the vision... and then there is a beautiful lake nearby and tons of forest (= undisturbed, unused open space). It's an ideal environment to teach people how to survive in the woods in the winter, avalanche awareness (even though rather unnecessary locally), wilderness first aid, etc. Due to it's location near a city it would be a perfect place to hold corporate events (team building stuff, snowshoeing tours with Gluehwein and Bonfire, etc., etc.). There is basically no limit. So, the ski guys listened to me and their eyes started to sparkle... Obviously they kept talking about the whole "we're a non-profit and can't pay anyone money"... but they realized that I may be their key to making their hill more sustainable which essentially is in the very core interest of their club. We finished the meeting with all of us glowing and my promising them I would send them an email to list what I could offer to them. They, in turn, were gonna share the goodness with the board. We'll see what happens. But for now, it feels very cool that I am capable to create job hope in places were there weren't even jobs before I moved into the picture. Feels really entrepreneur-y and cool.

After the meeting I visited two outdoor gear stores in town that just opened (they're the first ones of their kind - yay, progression in Southern Sweden!). I told the owners about my potential future work with Yxbacken and asked if they would be interested and willing to advertise for us. Both of them were eager and one of them immediately asked: "Can I come?" --- Call that what you want, but I call that success.

And, Yxbacken opens this Sunday. Guess who's going?

+++

All this being said: I really think Sweden will be my home for a while.

Courage.

Obviously yesterday's skinny-dipping post wasn't just about being crazy and loving life. Of course it was that, and... it was more.

It was me tapping into my courage. I need tons of that right now.

As I shift my focus from "finding opportunities" to "pursuing opportunities", courage is the single most important ingredient.

With yesterday's cold plunge still in my memory, I engaged in a bunch of courageous acts today (this time without even taking my shirt off ;)...):

I called the lady that's in charge of the hiring for the future teenage refugee home job... and felt like a complete dork (mostly related to language issues - but she definitively encouraged my application. Note to self: Must absolutely kick ass with that application!!).

I also checked in with the moose guy (haven't heard from him for a little to long... and hello! got an immediate reward by receiving an answer within the half hour and now have lunch plans in Stockholm to discuss what he calls "several opportunities for me" on December 21st... mm-mh courage!).

A few minutes ago I emailed the Tiniest Ski Hill Ever to remind the guy in charge that he really wanted to meet me, or didn't he?

And last but not least: I cut Beefy's claws (now this is embarrassing but since I got him back after our time apart in summer I really struggled with that task. Kind of like a phobia... but I am getting better and am cutting small little nibbles off of him almost every day. Today we had a longer snuggle session that included his getting a manicure that actually shows a little... - hey, YOU!, before calling the animal rights organization know that his claws are still OK... it's mostly in my head. Weirdo? Yup, naturally).

Ahhh.... these are the exact kinds of things that make me sink into bed happily at night. What about you, are you going to be courageous today?