Update from Up North.

First and foremost: B's mini-tumor still has the opportunity to turn out to be a Histiocytom... meaning that it could be a "good" tumor that is not unusual in young dogs. I currently apply a gel twice a day that should make it receede (diagnostic tool of sorts) within a week or two. If it doesn't go away I will have to take him in for surgery. Even if I have to do that it could obviously turn out to be a "good" tumor; however, I am sending a lot of good juju into the cells to keep surgery from happening. It's better for B, for our exercise routines, and for my wallet. Thanks for the support!

I also got a chance to talk to a dog trainer about some of his less functional behaviors (essentially being protective of me). It's been incredibly good for me to seek help in this area, and I feel really good about taking some steps to help him feel more relaxed around strangers. In short: When looking at the pics on this blog you already know the B he already is... 95% of the time. Now I finally know how I can help him to feel that way 100% of the time! Yay, relief! Yay, asking for help!

This is our lake from a nearby skiing mountain. Mr. Moose and I started to seakajak on it last week. It's incredible. One day I went back and took B, thinking I could paddle along the shore and he could run (or rather, walk). Instead he swam and eventually jumped onto my kajak. Nope, I did not end up swimming, but realized that it will take a little training to realize the dreamy scenario of paddling into the sunset with Beefy strolling along. Little note of interest: Up North our sunset happens currently at 10:26pm and the sunrise at 3:35am.

B during our yesterday's walk. Sadly there are quite a few clearcuts that are very visible in Sweden. According to my interactions with locals they still collect wood that way here. Makes B and I a little sad. It's so much prettier when the trees get to stay where they belong. Or when sustainable practices are applied. And yes, we walked straight into that storm cloud... and had to find shelter under a tree later. That's where the following shot happened:

And lastly, the German visit. Man, I must admit I have been getting anxious about that one. Turns out that things went super smoothly, that we enjoyed one anothers company, that they loved my home, my (T)rusty (which is a stretch), and B (which is not). The - best possible result - of their visit has happened: I have a gig with a kid scheduled. I know I wrote on here that I have my first client a few weeks ago... which I do and it goes well by the way... but this will be my first REAL client. And it's going to be brilliant as I already know him, and as he will come here with another staff to spend three weeks in the area (during which I'll be a support and local guide of sorts - and make a little money). During the second three weeks of this 6-week project I, B, and the kid will be backpacking. Yahoooo!! Work! I'm for real! My company is, too! (Even though I have this awkward struggle to actually register it and move along with things). Isn't all this great?

I'm also going on an impromptu trip tomorrow til Wednesday. Accordingly I have to get my ducks in a row now and take advantage of being in the frontcountry for another 24 hour period or so. See you at the other end.

PS: Stay tuned for photos. After a longish period of rainy weather the forecast is sun sun sun! Being out for 4 days should lead to some inspiring shots! :)

Straight into my lap.

Hey, guys!

I have my first client!!

Kinda like a test run. He's setting up his room upstairs while I type this. Crazy...

I won't be writing much about clients here, for obvious reasons. This time just this much: This is an 18-year old Swede who needs a place to stay and figure out what to do with his life. Currently that includes getting his drivers license and letting go a bit of his excessive use of electronics (e.g. phone, computer, games) all the while following through with work (at the moose farm), learning life skills, and enjoying some of the benefits of being out in nature a lot. It must have all come to him a bit as a shock today, but we're getting along nicely so far and he will likely be one of my softer nuts to crack.

Am also in the process of making my homepage and putting some finishing touches on my business plan draft.

So, yup, things continue to fall straight into my lap. It really feels like I am in the right place at the right time.

Back on Track.

Here I am again. Had to go undercover a little bit to swallow all the stuff that I have brought into my life. You know, traveling to the States and Belize in less than two weeks, setting up hemforsakring och reseforsakring, planning a stay with a troubled kid in a country I know nothing about (knew nothing about - now I am a pro), having conversations about my future business, my Swedish future, figuring out how to pay bills in the meanwhile, connecting with friends so they're ready to hug me, AND.... getting to grips with having just created an upcoming 5 week separation from my rock! That last one right there, kill(ed)s me. I didn't quite get my level of overwhelmd-ness though. So I found myself working last weekend... and then spending most of Monday and Tuesday reading a blog obsessively (www.crazyauntpurl.com) and playing a game on my phone even more obsessively (JewelQuest2). As well as the essentials of course.... walking B, visiting the moose, making yummy food, realizing my car isn't about to break (but it doesn't like to be mis-shifted into first gear instead of third when accelerating.... ups! - I was worried for several days until I acknowledged my mistake to myself - go figure). Anyways... whenever I looked at B, he looked sad to me. Winced even, sometimes. And the guilt about choosing to go abroad almost killed me. And the feeling of having little control over the matter (I need money, and, how can I say NO to one of the coolest, most adventurous job options ever, anyways?).

Luckily I got help. On Tuesday evening. From... who would have guessed?.... not one dog... but many. I saw a handwritten sign at the ICA (common grocery store in Sweden) saying the following:

Polardistans.
Hundspannstävling kommer att gå förbi
Värdshuset i Lillhärdal 9-11/3.
Första spann väntas in ca 21:00 den 9/3.
Förarna kör 30 mil.
Välkomna at titta.

That, right there, was my savior. For those of you who didn't do your Swedish homework... A polar distance (apparently 300km - have you heard of the "Swedish Mile" by the way? Multiply with 10 and you have kilometers.... Silly Swedes!) dogsledding race was going to come by a village nearby and people were invited to go check it out. I set up a field trip with the Beefster right away.

And on that trip... which ended up being a 60 km (6 Swedish Mile) trip in (T)rusty and a 6 km (.6 Swedish Mile... you got the gist of it?) hike through glorious landscape for B and I... I remembered to be present at the moment, to do the best I can, and to trust life a little bit more than I sometimes do.

I also was able to acknowledge that I am scared s%^&*less that something may happen to B in my absence (= single biggest fear on my horizon). And I decided to counter that fear by enjoying each day I have with him now. And to ensure my friends N&N know and understand his flaws (flaws? B? his mama? he!) and are able to counteract them as necessary.

So, I feel better now. I am not happy about the leaving B part by any means and I'm probably going to cry thick crocodile tears on the 23rd of March... but we will be OK.

Talking about crocodiles... they have them in Belize. Amongst jaguars, avocado trees, mango trees, boa constrictors, loggerhead turtles, parakeets, red-eyed tree frogs, cashew trees, and some other inhabitants. So, basically I have yet another "Trip of a Lifetime" ahead of me and I am whining about the fact that I love my dog so much that I don't want to leave him. How lucky am I, really?

So, don't hate, I am coming to grips with it all by myself. With the help of a blog, a new phone (that has an amazing camera inside its sleek self), and a few dogs.

OK, gotta go and create yet another unforgettable walk with B...

Here and Now has never been this exciting!!

Since we arrived Up North, Beefy does either this:

The little guy destroying the even littler guys - with much gusto!

Or that:

Notice how he actually ear-snuggles the radiator...
... that's a hint, for what it's been like SO FAR.


+++

Yup, Buford is either playing to stay warm... or curling up near the heat source to stay warm (at night that's me). It's cold up here... -20 degrees Celsius during the day.. and -27 degree Celsius right now. That's cold. Really cold.

The snow that's falling is microscopically small. Magical really. Crazily the cold is what keeps me from riding that stuff... am worried that Beefy will freeze to death waiting in the car for me to do some runs... or freeze off his little paws coming along... or die of worry if I leave him home alone. We just arrived after all. Plus... I kinda don't know where to go either. I'm the new kid on the block. Or... the road. Cause there aren't blocks here... that's why I moved here. :)

+++

I spent my first day here meeting with some folks from the addiction center, getting further encouragement to follow through with my plans... and then the next getting my stuff moved from the car into the house. Looking back I think I was a bit in a daze... I may still be in it, actually.

Arriving here and getting settled into "my house" is quite the trip for my mind. It means that I'm finally in the place I have dreamed of for.... ever. I'm in a place where I can start growing roots... building community... a business... a home... all of it. No more... once I am "there" I can do such and such. But: Here and Now. Period.

Scary... and exciting. Until today I was still a little hung up on some stuff... like: Not being able to use the wood stove in my house. That was a big deal to me... not knowing what it would end up costing to heat the house via radiators... (my answer to that was to turn all of them off - minus the ones in the kitchen and declare the kitchen my living zone). I also started to have worries creep back in related to income... where will it come from? To my defense I gotta say though that I dealt with those worries quite beautifully. Bought some healthy food and started my simple life right by making good meals from scratch right away... :) - can you say: fresh basil? Brussel sprouts? ---- Nice job.

Today things changed around another 180 degrees.

Mr. Moose came for a visit. On his snowmobile. Obviously... that's how he likes to travel.

And this is what he brought into my life:

- The OK to use the wood stove... and therewith making my house perfect.
- The info that the shed is full of wood. Yay!
- Warmth and comfort (see above... 10 degrees difference - now it's 20).
- My first job! Working two days a week will magically put me into a financially relaxed place...

Can you believe it?

What that all means is that my recent choices of moving Up North have led to some significant and important changes in my life...

... within the last week I have added the following elements to my life:

- A beautiful house for Beefy and I (OK, it may not be BEAUTIFUL yet...)
- A (t)rusty car :)
- A job (first one after living here for 6 months)
- Been asked to give an interview to Switzerland's biggest newspaper
- Received fan mail ;)
- Moved to a place where I can ski and snowboard
- Reached a place to realize my dreams... like... NOW
- Found new people to support my visions
- Become neighbors with three tame moose

Doesn't that FRIGGIN' ROCK??!!!! It basically means that my ballsy move already has paid off...

I think it's all thanks to the Beef... but don't tell him, otherwise he'll request more food... ;)

Pinch Me, Please!!

Nope, this isn't a follow up about my dating development.

It's about the moose guy.

Guess what he just made my day with?

This (excerpts from the latest email I got):

"constantly looking for different kinds of solutions"... "Ive spoken to a lot of people and they are all giving the same response: That we need "something" for the youth and the older... so from my horizon everything looks good." ... "Here they are looking for 2 different solutions for the younger people, one where there's a kind of home for the ones that are in serious needs, and second were they still can live at home but be connected to the youth project." "Ive arranged for a cottage for you, and also a snowmobile. So we can move around and you can get a feeling for the nature and so on. We are also going to meet the people that are holding "the checkbook"..the ones that will decide if we are the right kind of people to do this."


Did you get this???? Not only are the people up north needing my skills for sweet projects... but also did he organize a cottage for me to stay in and a (!) snowmobile!!!! --- Sounds indeed like he's moving mountains for me up there.

+++

Now, I am not sure that I can handle all that new development in just the first day of 2010.

I'll keep you posted.

Re-Gathering.

These last few days with deadline and interviews were quite the thrill for me. Am still savoring the after-taste. Good thing I have B. He takes me on hikes and makes sure I gather myself and find balance... in the midst of it all. He's a master at that stuff:

He's fully present - be it observing...

... or running wild...

Nature knows the same secrets.

But B also believes in friends... even silly ones ;)

+++

So, what happened?

Well, I basically kicked a$$. For three days in a row.

I think I emphasized on here already that my application to the future refugee home was grand. I won't beat a dead horse.

I also did a mini-report on my Stockholm lunch (sushi, yay!) with the moose guy. That option could become everything I dream of. Why am I not up there yet? Maybe it's the nay-sayer within me... the part of me that has been hurt when I came here to find that I couldn't work with the people I had moved here for. Maybe it's fear of starting fresh and once more moving away from what has - in the meanwhile - become comfortable and treasured. It's also a little bit of hesitance about maybe ending up being professionally "attached" to one person. The moose guy has lots of connections. I wonder what would happen if "we" didn't work out and I was up there... in the pampa with some moose. And wolves. And bear. And mountains. And opportunities. OK, there came my dreams into the monologue again. I guess the best thing I can do right now is wait, and see if he follows through. And then head up there in January to check it out and feel the place out.

+++

Another thing is... I'm kinda in love with the process of exploring opportunities. It's a thrill for me to write incredible applications or suggested outlines to develop organizations, and I kinda wanna do that for a while. Silly...?

+++

And then, yesterday happened. I wrote on here that the ski guys had sent me an email to dampen my hopes (basically saying "yes, you can slave for us, but unfortunately there won't be money in return"). I also wrote that I would use the meeting to work on my skills of selling my skills. And, I gotta say: I impressed both them and myself. After a delicious lunch meeting at a noble restaurant (with me sitting there in my winter boots and my laid back clothing style and my disheveled hair... and my motivation brimming out of my eyes) the ski people are now infected with my dream of shaping their old school ski club hill into an alive and exciting environment for people to meet, learn new skills, and play. The environment is perfect: Of course there's the ski hill at the heart of the vision... and then there is a beautiful lake nearby and tons of forest (= undisturbed, unused open space). It's an ideal environment to teach people how to survive in the woods in the winter, avalanche awareness (even though rather unnecessary locally), wilderness first aid, etc. Due to it's location near a city it would be a perfect place to hold corporate events (team building stuff, snowshoeing tours with Gluehwein and Bonfire, etc., etc.). There is basically no limit. So, the ski guys listened to me and their eyes started to sparkle... Obviously they kept talking about the whole "we're a non-profit and can't pay anyone money"... but they realized that I may be their key to making their hill more sustainable which essentially is in the very core interest of their club. We finished the meeting with all of us glowing and my promising them I would send them an email to list what I could offer to them. They, in turn, were gonna share the goodness with the board. We'll see what happens. But for now, it feels very cool that I am capable to create job hope in places were there weren't even jobs before I moved into the picture. Feels really entrepreneur-y and cool.

After the meeting I visited two outdoor gear stores in town that just opened (they're the first ones of their kind - yay, progression in Southern Sweden!). I told the owners about my potential future work with Yxbacken and asked if they would be interested and willing to advertise for us. Both of them were eager and one of them immediately asked: "Can I come?" --- Call that what you want, but I call that success.

And, Yxbacken opens this Sunday. Guess who's going?

+++

All this being said: I really think Sweden will be my home for a while.

Dead Tired.

Met the moose guy today.

As a result I have a trip up north planned January 15-20.

B's invited, too.

Will meet the three moose (Isa, Inez and Ivan) at that point [little inside scoop: Isa and Inez are going to have calves in Spring]. Am also going to be "forced" to ride a snowmobile... and allowed to bring my telemark skis for some fun of my own kind (there are some major ski hills in the area). And be given a little cabin to stay in for the time.

He's interested in hiring me and setting up a partnership of sorts to start a program of creating half-way homes for adults struggling with addiction and ideally later for youth.

It sounds great.

The energy was good. We talked for about three hours.

I'll have to sleep over it.

PS: My application to the community that wants to hire a person to create and run a home for teenage refugees was turned in yesterday at 6:54pm and kicked absolute ass.

PS PS: Tomorrow is the Yxbacken day. Got an email that was a bit backpedal-y today... they said they don't have funds... I'll try and get them convinced that if they hire me for money their income will increase... hence I'll be self-supporting. Kinda nice that this job is not massively important to me - more like a pastime project that I can learn from - so I may as well give it my all and see what happens.

Sleep. NOW...! Well, OK, after Buford has had another stroll in winter wonderland.

3rd PS: Is it normal that living like I do sometimes totally zaps my energy? Please say yes or nod or do something like that. Tack!

++++

And yes, I think if I ended up choosing the "moose guy option" my blogging would be rather entertaining....

Snow for the Soul.

My feelings are bubbling... my heart jumping... happiness is flooding through my body.

Sweden has become winter wonderland. Here a few impressions of Beefy and I in the midst of it during a snowshoe trip with N & N yesterday. (All photos either by N... or N).

Getting ready to get the goods out :)
Soup, coffee, home-made bread, cheese, and hard candy.

Someone is ready for treats. And hey - no smack-talking about that jacket. That's how we roll in winter. What other dog has taken 21-day wilderness expeditions in all seasons?

It's good to be puffed up :)

This photo was taken when Beefy and I sang Christmas carols. He's bass and I am soprano (or something like that).

+++

Other than goofing around and enjoying the winter wonderland I am also breaking some ground with my Sweden future. A couple of days ago I spent around 5 hours (!!) re-working my resume. It's taken me a while to get into the zone but I was finally able to really get into it... and enjoy that process and celebrate my skills and experiences on a "piece of paper". Now I am translating it from English to German while N translates it into Swedish. He's helped me to create the most amazing Swedish letter for the refugee job that I have to apply for today via email. Deadline is midnight... If I don't get an interview with those guys I don't understand the world... The letter and resume are f-cking incredible!! I am PROUD.

I also courageously called the moose guy today as I started to feel a bit antsy and even a little pissed about what I perceived to be him morphing into a typical Swede (meaning that they talk a lot of nice things but don't friggin follow through with anything - cause he had yet to let me know when and where we were going to meet tomorrow). And, hello! things moved around very positively once again: Our interaction turned out to be very pleasant (I had prepared a rather tough rant ensuring that he gets that I am not here to waste my time or to be given pity-services). So, now I am very excited to meet him in Stockholm tomorrow where I'll hopefully also take some sweet shots of the snowy Christmas scene in our capital. He actually got active right after we talked and called up one of his friends to net-work for me... we ended up chatting quite a bit during Beefy and I's walk today. Nice. I liked the positive energy and am definitively connecting with yet another yay-sayer! :)

Before I forget: N and N and B and I also visited Yxbacken yesterday. I wanted to ensure that I had been to my potential winter job location prior to my interview on Tuesday (which, BTW: could I please get a place and time for that one, Swedes?!). The place actually surprised me with its steepness and the seriousness of its 3 slopes (counting the bunny hill slope). I kinda like the idea of working there and creating a family feel snow community on the outskirts of a city. While it won't be "wild" and "pristine" in the usual sense I believe that we could reach many by making active winter wonderland enjoyable for all. Better harass the people in charge with a phone call as well to ensure that I'll have lunch with them on Tuesday!

Aie, aie, aie.... Marlies, the harasser! ----------- I kinda like it. :) Seems to work.

On "Suddenly Having a Need for an Agenda".

B loving life during our morning explorations in the snow :)

+++

My journey continues to move from envisioning and dreaming to doing and going for it. Listen to my line up of important activities:

Sunday: Deadline for application (chef position) at refugee home.
Monday: Meeting of the moose guy in Stockholm for lunch.
Tuesday: Meeting the folks from Yxbacken (tiniest ski hill ever) for lunch.

Both Monday and Tuesday could lead to a sudden whirlwind to my life, meaning that there's actually a chance that I will leave either meeting and..... tada-da-daaahhhh!... have a job.

Right now I am hoping that I can either do Yxbacken in the winter followed by refugee work after that in April or May OR moving north to the moose guy and create an incredible wilderness therapy component for his existing youth home.

Wonderful and crazy that I'll get a chance to connect with such interesting projects and people.

But now, I HAVE to refocus on that best application ever...! Irresistible ideas, anyone?

Courage.

Obviously yesterday's skinny-dipping post wasn't just about being crazy and loving life. Of course it was that, and... it was more.

It was me tapping into my courage. I need tons of that right now.

As I shift my focus from "finding opportunities" to "pursuing opportunities", courage is the single most important ingredient.

With yesterday's cold plunge still in my memory, I engaged in a bunch of courageous acts today (this time without even taking my shirt off ;)...):

I called the lady that's in charge of the hiring for the future teenage refugee home job... and felt like a complete dork (mostly related to language issues - but she definitively encouraged my application. Note to self: Must absolutely kick ass with that application!!).

I also checked in with the moose guy (haven't heard from him for a little to long... and hello! got an immediate reward by receiving an answer within the half hour and now have lunch plans in Stockholm to discuss what he calls "several opportunities for me" on December 21st... mm-mh courage!).

A few minutes ago I emailed the Tiniest Ski Hill Ever to remind the guy in charge that he really wanted to meet me, or didn't he?

And last but not least: I cut Beefy's claws (now this is embarrassing but since I got him back after our time apart in summer I really struggled with that task. Kind of like a phobia... but I am getting better and am cutting small little nibbles off of him almost every day. Today we had a longer snuggle session that included his getting a manicure that actually shows a little... - hey, YOU!, before calling the animal rights organization know that his claws are still OK... it's mostly in my head. Weirdo? Yup, naturally).

Ahhh.... these are the exact kinds of things that make me sink into bed happily at night. What about you, are you going to be courageous today?

December Days.

Buford and I left the comfort of N & N's home over the weekend and exchanged it for some time outside. With the help of some kiddos we baked bread in a sweet oven that I kind of wanna adopt and played outside. Beef and I even got to sleep in a tiny shaggy hut and eat sausages and drink Julmust. I am told that I am becoming a Swede....

After ten days of bliss at my friends refuge B and I finally made it back to Paradise today. We were greeted by our new couches and DVD player that we knew about (our neighbor S had given them to us as she moved out) and a million other things. It took me a while to figure out whether all the clutter I found was actually a good thing or just a burden but I figured out that it actually is quite the blessing. While I basically doubled the number of things I owned while I was gone, I also have new luxuries. Here some examples: I am now using actual dish soap versus my camp suds. I now own a few beers in my otherwise very empty fridge. I now have rice. I also have lots of yeast for baking. And new spices. And another lamp to brighten yet another room (very much needed as it's pitch black at 4pm now). And more plates. And another pan. And a thingy to dry my dishes. And a pair of binoculars. And a new B bed. And a comforter. And more candles (see light issue above). And many other small things that make my life more diverse. Kinda like an early Christmas... :)

I also have another SWEET option. Remember how I talked about opening a home for asyl-seeking youth? Get this: N just called (yup, I better start paying him something for making me aware of all these opportunities) and told me about an ad he had seen in the newspaper. A community south of here is opening such a house in April 2010. They are planning to take in eight boys between 16 and 18 for starters. They are looking for a director and employees. Applications for the director are due on December 20th and those for the employees in January. The director job asks for the following:

* Has an education with focus on social or educational work, at least 3 years full-time study
* Has many years experience of similar work
* Is good at planning, organizing and communicating
* Has good leadership skills
* Is driven and focused
* Has a positive view of human beings and sees opportunities instead of problems
* Is flexible and comfortable with managing tasks independently
* Enjoys working in close collaboration with our local residents, traders and colleagues

Check..... check.... check... check... check......... check!... check.... and... check.

The employee job asks for the following:

* Trained as social worker or educational/social education/experience we consider equivalent
* Has experience working with children / young people
* Is used to crisis management
* Has the ability to see and support the individual's own resources
* Has good empathic skills while s/he has the courage to set boundaries and be consistent
* Has good interpersonal skills and communication skills
* Has good organizational skills
* Enjoys working in close collaboration with our local residents, traders and colleagues
* Has a B license
* Has basic computer skills

I'll make it short: CHECK all.

I am sooo applying. N offered his and N's help to do it right. Make it Swedish, you know.

Question is: Do I have to be the director to ensure that Beefy can come?

They are highlighting their interest in hiring from a diverse applicant pool.


Sounds like.... this is yet another way my life could unfold.

Applying to Probably the Tiniest Ski Area in the World.

Yup, that's what I am up to. The name of the game is called: Create-as-many-opportunities-you-can-when-you-have-none-to-then-choose-the-funnest-one-that's-being-offered. Wanna play?

While I am savoring my bliss in regards to 'the money that should miraculously pop up on my US bank account' and 'continuing to being in touch with the moose guy' and 'attempting to understand the exciting German world of Intensivpädagogische Einzelmassnahmen (kind of a last solution for youth that fall through all cracks that turns out to lead to be one of the most creative places to be employed in all of Europe)' - I am also exploring local options.

Since yesterday - drum roll please - Norrköpping's local ski hill Yxbacken. Down below is what that looks like:

Pistkarta

Liftar 3 st Nedfarter 4 st Svarta 1 st Röda 1 st Blå 1 st Grön 1 st FunPark 1 st Belysta nedfarter 4 st Kanonsnö nedfarter 4 st Längsta nedfart 666 m Högsta fallhöjd 107 m

Lite tekniska fakta om våra backar

stora backen (2 pister)

Fallhöjd: 107 m

Lutande längd: 353 m

Medellutning: 32 %

Max lutning: 52 % (i branten före mål)

Familjebacken

Fallhöjd: 104 m (från starthus 110 m)

Lutande längd: 666 m

Medellutning: 16 %

Max lutning: 31 %

BARNbacken

Fallhöjd: 16 m

Lutande längd: 112 m

Medellutning: 14 %

FUNPARK

se under meny FunPark

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Yup, that means there is basically one slope (even though somehow there are a red and a blue and a black run?). Before you start to laugh-out-loud or something silly like that I'll remind you that I of all people know what a "real mountain" looks like - still, I see an opportunity here. N called them yesterday for me and promoted my incredible skills... they kinda got hooked and I may (finger cross) be in the running for the job of an all-rounder starting at teaching snowboarding lessons, to leading projects with the local schools and kindergartens, to working on the lift, the ski rental, train the Freeride group of the Skiclub and everywhere else. How bad would that be?

Answer: Actually, not all that bad.

And guess where Pernilla Wyberg started her carrier??

Check Off the To-Do-List

Today I have done the following (and more but my brain is currently farting...):

Removed a tick from Buford's freckled chest (I'm in uproar about this as it is November and there should be no ticks!!).

Sticking with the B: Found that he has eaten all the food I brought on our vacation at N and N's house... that's a big overdose of four meals and snacks for about three days.

Called the folks in Germany about the sweetest job - spending 3 months with a youth and the B traveling Germany by foot, working on farms, building rafts, etc. The conversation went super well - they are totally interested in me and vice versa. Now: Where do I get the funds to visit them for an interview? Oh, yeah: Pray for them receiving a needy girl soon, cause they will call Beef and I and we may just have the job!! Sweetness.

Connected with a guy in England that offers Nature Travels to Sweden... he responded to my "employment opportunities available?" email within the hour. No jobs but a sweet connection and further idea to help me out of the valley of misery.

Applied for a job at a Swedish ski resort called Ramundberget. Sounds sweet (it's located at "the end of the road" - behind it, there is Norway's wild mountains); but they may have no openings, yet.

Walked the Beef twice in the sun... glorious. And took him out another five to make sure he's not shitting his overdose into the house.

Learned that my "bosses" want to meet me on Wednesday to discuss our future. Was told not to be hopeful but that they were "doing what they could".

Spoke Swedish for over two hours (while the Beef ate his food) at some really sweet neighbors. They only speak Swedish which is a plus for me. Just not for my brain which is now mush.

Talked with my dad on the phone twice. Once my mom emailed me at the same time without knowing about the already existent communication line at the time.

Chatted with several friends and gotten hints and clues about possible work connections. Thanks Pierre, Wolf, Nina, and Joel!

Emailed a stranger (friend of a friend) to ask about job ideas. And, got an answer... isn't networking cool? No actual job offer yet though, but support and good juju.

Gotten another number of a local that may be a future business partner type person for me... and called. Will call again Monday when he's not at his brother's birthday party.

Set up an excel sheet listing my many job applications and inquiries. Updated it throughout the day as needed.

Started to translate my resume back into a German version. That, I tell you, is painful.

Created a "HOPE"-folder on Firefox to stick all the possible employment places into it... that folder now holds a whopping 39 opportunities!

Decided that I'll stay at N & N's till Monday and organized a ride back home.

Opened the house to N's brother and baby to have them rest on their way traveling through... = Buford playing with a toddler, me getting more beta on jobs (resulted in Ramundberget application).


And finally, wrote this blog en-t-r-y... snoooooooooooze. Now!

Buford is on a Rabbit Trip.

Lucky little Beef-ster chased another rabbit today. We walked right up to it - once more. Split-seconds later, the two furry ones literally flew down the gravel road, slithered, skipped, slipped sideways on a bridge that was covered with some metal sheets and then ran off. Surprisingly in a strait line... and I thought rabbits did some zigzagging maneuver? Once again, Buford made it back to me under the 5 minute mark... heavily panting, with some slobber hanging of his chops, and a grin on his face. No sign of blood though. We may have to do something about his new sport, no?

I got an email back from that German dream job I wrote about. They're interested in interviewing me in person. I'll call them tomorrow and see if we can figure something out that will work for both sides. As you may have gathered I cannot afford getting myself to central Germany just for an interview. Of course I would love (LOVE) to see their main place. The guy wrote that Buford would be most welcome to be part of the experience :). The program already has two dogs, two goats, and some chicken "on staff". That sounds like our kind of place. Better make sure that Beefy doesn't chase chicken... may have to talk to him about the ways that his instinct may affect our future. I wonder too, though: Would he bring me the rabbit if he got it? He has done that with a squirrel before... If so I, I mean we, could eat rabbit for a while. Hmmmm..., I may still underestimate that canine companion of mine.

Tomorrow will be filled with phone calls all over Europe. Today I prepared by searching the net for all kinds of jobs that could fix our issues. Fascinating stuff, by the way. Next it's my turn to go on a "rabbit trip" of sorts.

PS: I trust that my entries will get less crazy once my life slows down. Bear with me in the meanwhile, will ya?

Online and Inspired.

I got energy flowing. Beef and I went on - what turned out to be a four-hour hike. It was loads of fun. Particularly when we walked right up to a rabbit.... man, those two were fast. It took B four (4!!) minutes to come back to me. That's the longest he ever left me for in exchange for running after another being... Now he's snoozing it off behind me. Innocently dreaming of his next big adventure.

And then, imagine this: I went to my neighbor to finally invite her to my place for coffee (I have spent the last week's worth of afternoons over at her place chatting and drinking coffee), and guess what she did? She guided me into her kitchen and gave me a little fruit basket - "for your new apartment" - and started to feverishly search through her freezer. She found frozen bread and hot dogs which she gave me graciously. Then she got out some chocolate from her cupboard and smiled at me and said she was happy to help. She also invited me for dinner tonight. And agreed to have coffee at my place. My heart about melted... I have craved meat recently and my creative diet (due to fewer and fewer ingredients and my desire to spend no money whatsoever) lacked bread, flower, and mostly fresh fruit. (Ahem, yes, I do accept donations.)

And now this: I just got off the phone with N. You know, of N and N, my best Swedish friends. He sent me a Facebook note saying he may have a business idea that would get me fully employed and well paid in no time. And that my skills were needed. Huh? Of course I called. He's incredible. And, best of all: He's a business man and in touch with reality. And a human. We need more of those... :) - The bestest of all is this: I love his idea. I mean, LOVE his idea. It's fully congruent with my values. It's human. It's intercultural. It's healthy. It's sustainable. For me and others.

Here it comes: He thinks we could create a temporary home for teenage refugees from other countries (i.e. Somalia, Afghanistan are the most needy here in Sweden currently), offering them a group home while teaching them skills (such as Swedish, gardening, wilderness, interpersonal, as well as general life skills in a Swedish environment) with a staff team that understands Sweden but also the culture we would focus on (e.g. have an Afghan on staff should we focus on Afghan kids, etc.). Sweden's communes apparently have significant problems with those kids currently, as they don't have enough foster families they can place them into. We couldn't quite offer them a family, but we could offer them things that a family cannot. Isn't that inspiring? Fascinating? Unbelievable?

So now, we're gonna do some legwork and research what the different communes are looking for, whether or not we can fulfill those expectations, and if the whole thing is financially sustainable. He thinks it looks like it would be.

I know I ask you to cross your fingers quite often... but, could you do some more of that, please?

Yup. A Fighter.

This was written yesterday... sux when there isn't internet and I need it.

… and started I have!!

I have changed my whole outlook on my situation here. I have remembered my skills. I have found new energy and courage. I am alive again.

I spent all of yesterday and the day before figuring out how to proceed with “my job” here. I listed things that I am good at (ahhhh… that list is long), things that I need, things that I don’t like, etc. Yesterday I morphed all of that in a 4-page letter that I then emailed to “my bosses”. It includes the request of them making a decision on whether to hire me or not. They got time till the 25^th of November. If they enter my agreement they have to either pay me a Swedish student’s existenzminimum, help me earn it (aka be very involved in my local job search), or pay the difference starting December till they are a business. Once they are a business I will want a salary that we agree upon before November 25^th. I am OK with it looking less high than what it really should as long as there is part of the contract that ensures that I will get what I deserve once they are able to offer that to me. Additionally, I want to receive Swedish lessons the whole time as I am only worth half of me if I cannot communicate (including listening) to what my co-workers and clients will say. If this is too much asked for them that means that I am in the wrong place. Well, maybe not the wrong place, but putting my energy and courage in the wrong endeavor. If so, I will live. However, I will stick my worthy energy into realizing my own business idea of being a consultant/teacher/guide of sorts (see last post). I actually even consider doing that anyways and simply considering this Swedish job as my first gig. Man, shifting expectations can be so powerful!! Yay to my spirit that has been awaken once again. Naturally, N and N were once again an important part of this most recent development as was my lovely neighbor S who let me use her internet to shoot off the letter. I love community. One of the Ns made sure that I put the existenzminimum into the email instead of the amount I had calculated to be the least I needed. There was a difference of SEK 1500 (equaling over USD 200)! In my world of eating old camping food and dehydrated milk that is an incredible amount of money.

I did other important stuff yesterday…. Like putting the bindings on my telemark skis and snowboard. And hanging up more of my photos in my home. And taking a couple good hikes with the B. He’s been the most amazing cuddler and playmate recently. We fight over his squeaky toy a lot. It’s so much fun! In that process I also got headbonked by him. Hard. I get now that his head is at least five hundred times harder than mine. I have a sore spot on my left eyebrow. I treasure it.

Yup, all is well in my world. I am supposed to hang out with P later. On a friend level not a business level. That distinction becomes more and more important to me. We are going to drink tea and hopefully take the B for his second walk. Then I plan on a third (but first real) hike. P will deposit us far away from home and we will come back. Now that’s what I call fun! And then I will head to the library to morph this post onto the blog and do research on jobs European-wide. Another good day in the making…!

Later that Day.

I found beauty again today:

Beef and I took a new loop (out along the seashore, back along the road) and met a farmer. I had my second "Swedish Only" interaction. Those are short, smiley, and sweet. Yesterday I had one with a neighbor who owns a little dog.

There is hope.

I spent most of today on the internet. That is exciting as I usually don't have access, particularly not all day. I am in a new room of mine, called "The Office & Gear Shed". There are maps on the walls, one showing Oregon's wild places, one the Three Sisters Wilderness, and one my new environment here in Sweden. There are also a pair of telemark skis, two snowboards, a Buford resting place, and since N brought it, a tiny desk. Which officially makes it an office. Sweet. And miraculously that elusive internet I have used before has come and stayed. I am knocking on wood in between typing.

In addition to being outside I found inspiration on the wonderful world wide web today. There is an organization in Germany that is hiring people for a really sweet gig. I want that gig. I went ahead and applied. I also registered myself at Manpower.se, called a Thai Restaurant, and applied to be a Personal Assistant (helping someone with a disability live a better life by being with them - P made a contact for me). But I wanna tell you about the German gig. It's most fabulous.

The organization in question is looking for individuals who are interested to live with a youth for three months in the out-of-doors. The mentor/mentee team is expected to engage in activities such as hiking, biking, building and floating on a raft, canoe-touring, and/or mountaineering. They are also working in different places along the way, e.g. on a farm, in a woodshop, or something similar, usually with a focus on working with their hands. The mentor (that would be me) will be offered support in form of supervision, as well as curriculum to use when working with the youth. I WANT THAT JOB! The organization then continues the treatment of the youth by having them live with a mentor for the next three months or longer. The initial time in the out-of-doors is used to assess what needs the youth has and how they can be accommodated. I LOVE IT.

Spontaneous as I am - when I am not depressed - I wrote an application right then and there. Unfortunately it is Friday afternoon, so I am unlikely to hear back from the guy very shortly. Monday at the earliest if I am really lucky. Man, I am basically made for that job. I had some questions for the guy, one of which was if I could bring Buford along if I was considered a fit. Please, everyone who reads this: Cross your fingers, or paws (do I have any dog readers?).

I am also in the process to write up a list of needs and criteria for the people I came here to work for. I have been more outspoken about my - increasingly dire - situation here. I am in the process of being even more outspoken with the help of N of my friend couple N & N. They are most wonderful. Both N's are also incredible business people, which comes in handy when one wants to start a business. My future bosses are no business people. N has helped me understand that I am the most committed within our team. However, my future depends on those hesitant, slightly scared people. That is no good.

I need a goal to be well. Right now those people have my goal in their hands. That is highly uncomfortable for a control freak & dreamer like me. I will increase my pressure upon them so that I can have a goal again. They may be part of it. Or not.

Beef will be part of whatever I do. He's currently offering me free therapy. Like tonight. I made dinner for both of us, and after he inhaled his he sat under the table cuddled against my feet. Once I was done I sat down to him and took a photo of us:

And then I shifted my legs and let him slide into a curled up position in between my legs. He rested his head on my right arm and nestled his paws onto and under my right leg. We breathed together for probably about fifteen minutes. Once in a while one of us sighed. It was beautiful.

Ha! Opportunity Knocked.

I just got a phone call from my new landlady (apartment-lady?). A friend of hers may have a job for me. Got an interview scheduled tomorrow afternoon. How cool is that? No idea what I'll have to do yet, but... being offered a job in Sweden only days after I realized that I need one? This is the kind of country where unemployment is exploding!! Note: I am not in an extreme worried state as I am still promised a longterm job as of January. If I am really lucky (and I think I may be) the job is out in/near Skenäs... my new home base. This would help with the B(uford) management. My lil' dependent needs to be happy too, after all. For now, stay tuned... and if you got the time, x your fingers!