Get (It) Out.

Another difficult day turned blissful.

I had my last meeting with the folks of the supposed Swedish Wilderness Therapy Program this morning. Amongst other things they finally said that they needed people right now who volunteer their time... I couldn't help but say: "That's what I have done the last five month!" --- But I am done now. We said goodbye with hugs. One of them put a 100 Krona bill on the table... "for the bus". I took it and bought myself some fresh veggies to feed my backcountry-food eating soul with some earthy root-y stuff.

My neighbor S's brother said later that I just experienced an extreme version of one of the Swedes' downfalls. It's called being PAINFULLY, UTTERLY NON-CONFRONTATIONAL AT ALL COST. Which can obviously turn into some giant gooey mess.

Shall I just call it part of my adventure...?

And with that taken care of, I am ready to turn my broken self into a new direction.

Buford just looked at me when I made it home and suggested a walk (OK, he always does that). After all we had noticed an area recently that we hadn't put our noses in deeply yet. I took the camera... the shots that frame this post are the result. Have I mentioned that I love to capture nature's beauty? It simply does not get old.

As I gazed around I felt some sadness at the thought of likely having to leave this environment. Then I remembered that I feel a strong connection to nature wherever. I have learned to see that beauty and it nurtures me in all kinds of natural environments: Monument Valley's red mesas, Colorado's peaks, Oregon's wild places, now Sweden (this is just within the last year). I won't have to live without that puddle of life. No matter where I end up. It will be right there. And should I forget, B will gladly remind me. Me feeding him isn't for free after all ;)

So, what now?
I talked with my father today. It's his birthday. He asked: "Why don't you just come home?" - We recently had started to breach the (for me) difficult subject of me getting some support. These tiptoe-y conversations are suddenly comforting to me. What if I took Beefy home to where I (used to) belong? It sure is beautiful there. Maybe it's time and I had to go via Sweden. Or maybe I am as confused as many US Americans who don't know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland... sillies! I gotta say that moving to a place where I can sell my qualities to potential employers or partners sounds awfully awesome. Why not?

I told my dad that I wanted to give myself some time. During our walk today I thought that it would be nice to take a month or so to get out all the applications I have been thinking of (contacting people from A to Z, e.g. Swiss representatives of youth organizations, contacts I have gathered that work all about Europe, authors, researchers, etc., etc.); while living in paradise. I just got internet access today, so I am set there, and I have food left to last about a month (most of it was imported backcountry-food from the US... good thinking it turns out), I am bound to the apartment for three months (yikes, but I have paid December)... so, really: Why not be in paradise, take long walks with the B everyday, contact any and all promising souls and organizations in Europe, create and shape my future community, and then... figure out a way to get there?

This photo touches my soft spot. It's so very B! So kind, gentle, soft, curious... (and of course he just came up to sniffle me a bit - and no, he doesn't do that all the time). Sweet pea.

OK, enough of that ;)


I am still super psyched about that German program working with youth 1:1. Should Beefy and I find a way to travel (hopefully with our possessions) down south, I certainly would want to stop there. The community sounded sweet. B is welcome. That, at the most basic, is what I am looking for.

It's kind of crazy to suddenly let go of (or at least consider to do so) the "gotta find a Swedish job to survive... can I empty trashcans for you?? PLEASE?"... and remember that I have tons to offer - in places where I can communicate. What a journey...!

So, equipped with my new internet mobile device, lots of time, lots of desire for meaningful work, and lots of connections and ideas I will likely spend rather extensive hours in front of this screen over the next few days.

Sounds exciting, no?



Maybe I'll see the light sometimes soon?