My future... illustrated.

I spent four days living the life that I am building for myself right now.

It was unbelievable!

The little sweetheart enjoying Särvfjället's everchanging vistas.

Finding a way through some marshy stuff...

Don't they look like troopers?

It's the life.

After some apprehension at home, B bonded with the kid during the adventure.

View from the saddle... I'll bring my parents here during their upcoming visit.

As I was setting up our sleeping spot, B positioned himself in front of the departing sun...

... while "the kid" decided to forego his tent set up ("too complicated") and settled in for the night.

B and I's sleeping quarters.

Shortly after taking a coffee making break at the hut behind us.

B is quite serious about taking breaks.

On our third day of hiking we had to cross these kinds of features... and waded through lots of water and muck.

Our destination was my "safe place" Malmbäcken. Isn't it incredible?

The shared struggles and pleasures did wonders. B therapy is enjoyed by all...


+++

Amazing Glacier National Park.

Even though I am already back in Sweden, here a few impressions from Glacier National Park, where I spent my last week of my US stay. I feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to enjoy such diverse and beautiful places over the past five weeks. I'll write more about what's to come soon. I may also attempt to find words for the incredible experience of being reunited with Buford. Until then, enjoy the views:

This, to me, is perfection in beauty.

I shot it the morning of my departure after 3-4 days of rain and snow.

Nope, my client is not running away. He's heading to the lake to take photos. :)

Couldn't help but be reminded of Sweden...

These coulds turned out to be the forebodes of 3-4 days of storm.

Ducks nestled in.

Getting water = daily meditation.

Wonder if it had the same effect on the youngster?

Loving the Swedish Roots from a Distance.

I'm totally loving my time in the States. I feel grateful for friends, new encounters, landscapes, opportunities, lovingly missing the B, and more. I feel balanced, resourceful, relaxed, and strong.


A memorable moment happened after a beautiful visit with a friend and her dogs in Sisters, as I drove back to Bend in another friend's trusty VW van "Burt". Suddenly it occurred to me with absolute clarity that I could not do in Bend what I am now doing in Sweden. I think during my time in Bend I was too suppressed by the system (or the way I have positioned myself within it) to think and act in the way that I now do in regards to my future in Sweden. Not to mention finances, as well as competition and need in regards to my kind of business. I am feeling streamed by gratitude for having followed my instincts Up North, and - even though I didn't realize it prior to my time here - have actually grown some substantial roots in Sweden already.


Maybe I am further along on my Sweden to-do-list than I thought?



Also, in other news: After my return to Montana I have learned that the German company that sends kids here has already inquired if I could take one of them later on. They are interested to send the boy to me first - and then... SEND US TO RUSSIA TO EXPLORE HIS ROOTS WITH HIM!!!! Hello?! Life?! How come you're so incredibly wonderful with me?


No details are out yet, and it may not work out at all... but the sheer fact that I have vague requests to take clients even before I am back home and working on it is... encouraging to say the least.



I also met LSL very quickly before leaving Oregon and my friends there. The short but sweet visit makes me grateful for connections that can happen anywhere... even here on my blog.



I cannot even start to talk about the time with my friends in Bend. Thanks, all of you who were a part of it. I couldn't live my life in this exciting manner if I wasn't grounded by your friendship.



Thanks to the acting out of the volcano on Iceland I am now enjoying a couple of days in between Oregon and my backcountry time in Glacier National Park. Which led to me spending a night out in the mountains near Kalispell with the boy that may later live with me... and to my participation in an Ayahuasca ceremony last night. A Peruvian Medicine Man is visiting the farm, and offered us graciously his medicine. Yeah, ... lucky me.



In a few hours I'll scoop up the kid that I'll take to Glacier for the rest of my time here. I'm thrilled and excited to dive into an unknown backcountry that promises to blow my mind. And then... I'll come back here to try and fit all the new Buford toys and snacks into my bagagge and head back to where my roots are. Mmmm-mh!

Beautiful Belize.

Made it back to Montana a few days ago. Belize treated us wonderfully, offering many opportunity for the kid to learn that there indeed is another way to solving difficulties than pulling out the briefcase. We met inspiring individuals, took in beautiful views, and chased - somewhat unsuccessfully - the elusive wildlife.

Here some impressions:

The hanging bridge in Belize city.

My favorite shot. Dog in Placencia.

These are the kinds of views that make me happy. Porch in Placencia.

Morning shot - Placencia's beach.

Catch of the day. Placencia Point.





Loving the simple stuff. Laundry in Mango Creek.





Tigerfern Falls. In the Jaguar Reserve.

View over San Ignacio.

Market in San Ignacio.

Have I mentioned that I am working as I float? Waterhole near Macai River.

Our home at the Jaguar Reserve.

+++

Needless to say: It all went well, we made it back into the States, and... Belize is beautiful.

The first part of my gig will end tomorrow.

Then, I'm off to Oregon by Amtrak overnight, off to a whirlwind of seeing friends...

It's promising to be great:

Overnight to Portland.

Meet up with my friend A. who's spontaneously decided to fly in from Colorado.

Meet up with one to two other friends, one of which will let me borrow her VW Camper Van.

Off to Bend.

Bend.

Bend.

Bend.

Back to Portland.

Overnight to Whitefish.

Off into Glacier NP for a backpacking adventure with a new client.

Life? Is good.

Hugs!

The Swedes let me belong... Finally!

Looks like Beefy isn't happy with the recent developments?! ;)

+++

The Swedes are finally officially accepting me as a real person!

How so?

They gave me a personnummer!! Hurray!

That number will basically give me the same rights any Swede has.

Gone are the days where I felt like I was less than due to a "wrong" number in my pseudo-personnummer. As of today (and I already used my privilege at the library) I can simply spell out my number and no longer have to educate people about the samordningsnummer (which I had so far).

Up North is where it's at. Truly.

Good times!

+++

Beefy and I also hiked 3 hours and 20 minutes... mostly in very deep snow.

It was meant to be an hour-or-so walk down to the lake... yeah.

Most of it was glorious... some painful though.

+++

Under other news:

I may have decided to take the troubled boy to Belize!

Does anybody know Belize? My choice is largely based on the fact that the people there speak English... I figured it may be better to keep things simple for once...
Versus feeling the need to improve my Spanish while learning Swedish.

So, things are happening.

And yeah, I anticipate to keep that smile on my face for a while...

Central America - here I come!!

Wow.

I just sealed the following deal:

Drive south, hug the Beef, leave with N & N.

Travel to US (Montana) to hug a friend and to meet teenage boy on farm.

Take boy, travel to Central America (exact location to be determined by yours truly).

Backpack for about a week, successfully reach goal of challenge (created by yours truly).

Return to Montana, do farm-y stuff with boy (also, food bank, fitness center, animal care).

Warmly welcome back friend (who owns farm) after her trip to Peru.

(Possibly take a quick trip to hug friends in Oregon).

Come back to farm, get some new client backpacking.

(Possibly take a quick trip to hug friends in Oregon) - only once though.

Return to Sweden.

Hug the Beef.

Start own business in Sweden.



Have I mentioned that life is incredible? Wow-ser.

Comfort Zone

Buford and I are spending some quality time with our friend N (of N & N) at her home. Our days consist of couch lounging (B caught in the act above), internet research for future work/life opportunities, connecting with friends via chats and emails, long walks, mucho milk coffee, and movies in the evening in the home theater of N & N. All very good for the soul.

I think about what kind of people I wanna surround myself currently. Over the past few days and weeks I have learned that there is one category of people that zaps all my energy and kills my spirit. When I interact with those kinds of people I am full of doubt, I feel small and silly, incapable and unprofessional. Who are those people? They are part of an illusive group of naysayers, pessimists, "normals", stay-in-the-boxes, that's-not-how-it's-done...!, are-you-crazy?-sayers, and just generally low energy people. They don't believe in realizing dreams, taking leaps of faith, or following the inner voice (sometimes against any reason).

Thing is, I am in Sweden because I listened to that inner voice. I have learned to listen to it many years ago when I moved - against all logic - from a nice apartment in a nice area in Zurich (where I worked at the time) to an incredible home on the lake 40km away from work - but close to nature. It made no sense to my bosses, the roommate I left, my family, etc. - and it was a crucial step for me to move closer to myself. Cause I found that I could actually listen to myself out in that magical old house. And I did. Which is why I left my job as a department leader in a travel agency on a whim (it seemed - really, it probably had been brewing inside me forever). And started to trust my gut. No matter what. That same gut has gotten me here... 10 years later. That same gut gave me to courage to adopt the amazing bundle above, that now offers me strength, and laughs, and exploration - every single day.

Maybe that gut got me here to reconnect with my European roots. One wouldn't believe this, but it took incredible courage for me to come back to "my continent". More courage than continuing the fight to hold on to the US.

Sometimes I wonder what my gut was thinking...?! Particularly when I momentarily side with the naysayers. But I have hope that it felt an opportunity. Currently I am kinda giddy with one opportunity. Wanna hear about it....?

About ten days ago N called me around midnight with the following words: "Hey Marlies! Sorry to call you this late, but I just had this incredible idea on how you could make money with your skills in a beautiful place!"... "Ahem, go on, please...?" Hope creeping up - again. "There is this guy up north that...." blablahblah...

N promised to call that guy - lets call him F - the next day to see if he was interested. They interacted and I learned a little more about F. He has a moose farm. He is a business owner. He is a do-er. He has started a home for youth of sorts. He dreams about wilderness therapy ever since he heard about it from my past team mates (but thought they were not committed enough). He has a vacation home rental for mostly German clients. And so on and so on.

Yesterday N met F for some other business reasons and brought me up in conversation. And, guess what? F is very interested in meeting me. N said that he may have ways to tie me over this winter with my snowboard teaching talents (I did that for close to ten winters), and my German, all-the-while I may be working with him on creating a wilderness therapy program up north. Hmmmm, gut, just tell me: Is this why we are here? To me that sounds most brilliant.

And don't you think Beefy would love some moose pals??? I sure do.

So, yet another opportunity on the horizon. When will I know more? When F returns from La Gomera (about two weeks). He's down there (over there?) to check out some places cause he wants to row across the Atlantic. Yup, under his own power. Crazy? Well, just right for me.

That's my whole point. I need people around me that DO stuff. That dream and realize stuff. Can't handle the naysayers any longer. They're poison for my spirit. Nay to the naysayers! Yay to comforting crazy, spirited, optimistic adventurers!!

Get (It) Out.

Another difficult day turned blissful.

I had my last meeting with the folks of the supposed Swedish Wilderness Therapy Program this morning. Amongst other things they finally said that they needed people right now who volunteer their time... I couldn't help but say: "That's what I have done the last five month!" --- But I am done now. We said goodbye with hugs. One of them put a 100 Krona bill on the table... "for the bus". I took it and bought myself some fresh veggies to feed my backcountry-food eating soul with some earthy root-y stuff.

My neighbor S's brother said later that I just experienced an extreme version of one of the Swedes' downfalls. It's called being PAINFULLY, UTTERLY NON-CONFRONTATIONAL AT ALL COST. Which can obviously turn into some giant gooey mess.

Shall I just call it part of my adventure...?

And with that taken care of, I am ready to turn my broken self into a new direction.

Buford just looked at me when I made it home and suggested a walk (OK, he always does that). After all we had noticed an area recently that we hadn't put our noses in deeply yet. I took the camera... the shots that frame this post are the result. Have I mentioned that I love to capture nature's beauty? It simply does not get old.

As I gazed around I felt some sadness at the thought of likely having to leave this environment. Then I remembered that I feel a strong connection to nature wherever. I have learned to see that beauty and it nurtures me in all kinds of natural environments: Monument Valley's red mesas, Colorado's peaks, Oregon's wild places, now Sweden (this is just within the last year). I won't have to live without that puddle of life. No matter where I end up. It will be right there. And should I forget, B will gladly remind me. Me feeding him isn't for free after all ;)

So, what now?
I talked with my father today. It's his birthday. He asked: "Why don't you just come home?" - We recently had started to breach the (for me) difficult subject of me getting some support. These tiptoe-y conversations are suddenly comforting to me. What if I took Beefy home to where I (used to) belong? It sure is beautiful there. Maybe it's time and I had to go via Sweden. Or maybe I am as confused as many US Americans who don't know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland... sillies! I gotta say that moving to a place where I can sell my qualities to potential employers or partners sounds awfully awesome. Why not?

I told my dad that I wanted to give myself some time. During our walk today I thought that it would be nice to take a month or so to get out all the applications I have been thinking of (contacting people from A to Z, e.g. Swiss representatives of youth organizations, contacts I have gathered that work all about Europe, authors, researchers, etc., etc.); while living in paradise. I just got internet access today, so I am set there, and I have food left to last about a month (most of it was imported backcountry-food from the US... good thinking it turns out), I am bound to the apartment for three months (yikes, but I have paid December)... so, really: Why not be in paradise, take long walks with the B everyday, contact any and all promising souls and organizations in Europe, create and shape my future community, and then... figure out a way to get there?

This photo touches my soft spot. It's so very B! So kind, gentle, soft, curious... (and of course he just came up to sniffle me a bit - and no, he doesn't do that all the time). Sweet pea.

OK, enough of that ;)


I am still super psyched about that German program working with youth 1:1. Should Beefy and I find a way to travel (hopefully with our possessions) down south, I certainly would want to stop there. The community sounded sweet. B is welcome. That, at the most basic, is what I am looking for.

It's kind of crazy to suddenly let go of (or at least consider to do so) the "gotta find a Swedish job to survive... can I empty trashcans for you?? PLEASE?"... and remember that I have tons to offer - in places where I can communicate. What a journey...!

So, equipped with my new internet mobile device, lots of time, lots of desire for meaningful work, and lots of connections and ideas I will likely spend rather extensive hours in front of this screen over the next few days.

Sounds exciting, no?



Maybe I'll see the light sometimes soon?

Add Risk & Adventure... Get Creativity & Life Juice.

I absolutely love Google Maps. I've always loved maps. So when I realized that Google Maps allows me to have a close look at whatever section of the globe I want, I was hooked. I use it all the time. For one, I am basically stalking my new home (4 days till November 1!!). Additionally I have started to come up with ever-new dog walk options by perusing Google Maps. Brilliant! That way I can find new places to go check out knowing ahead of time whether there will be lots of traffic, ground coverage, views, etc. I have found one of my now favorite walks that way. At the time I was simply looking for a way to walk 'south of here'. Somehow it seemed important to me that I know a hike in each of the four directions from here. 'South of here' is a fun one... We've gone there four times including today. Today was the first day we got to enjoy a blue sky. Good stuff!

Making it to the 'place where B gets his leash taken off' I did not plan anything special for today. Just felt good without a jacket (but a cozy sweater, beanie and gloves) in the crisp and beautiful fall air. There is still some mud remaining, but the ground has become firmer, a result of both the recent lack of precipitation and the drop in temperature. It is now freezing at night.

Wandering along the dirt road I stopped to appreciate these trees, rooted so firmly in the ground. I am in awe about the diversity I experience here... the earthy ground - jord in Swedish - seems incredibly rich and home to a great variety of species per square meter. When I step onto her (in German earth/dirt is female and I like it that way) it's soft and squishy. It's more like stepping into her. Feels grounding to me. I can't help but wonder what Buford learns when he sticks his nose deeply inside these mossy rocks and leafs. Maybe tomorrow I'll do a bit more smelling and sniffling, too. Smell and sniffle like nobody's watching...

Anyways, for the first time today, I noticed that there were white markers on some trees bracing the dirt road, guiding those who are eager to explore the woods up close and personal. I
felt eager today and surprised myself a little. It's not like I
never go the adventurous route (most my hikes on Ramunderberget I follow signs whose destination I don't know); but, I went a step farther and actually got myself lost by design today. I kinda have this wild fantasy of being dropped somewhere in the woods - ideally by jumping from an airplane (hey, it's a fantasy, I get to make it full on) - and then given the task to find my way home. No idea why that appears so magical to me, but it does. So today, when I found that there isn't just one trail with white markers but a whole net I decided to not play it safe but actually play a little. While I got myself lost I realized that I had just taken an important step in my journey here in Sweden: I am adding risk & adventure to my life! Now I am not trying to say that the 20 minutes out of our 2 hour walk that we were 'lost' were that dangerous... but the sheer fact that I wanted to get more deeply into an explorer mode and wanted to really look around and find my way offers me a sense of relief. I still have it in me!

My whole life seems to revolve around finding the right dose of engaging in and with adventurous and risky experiences. Growing up I considered myself a chicken. Nothing against chickens, maybe they're actually no scardy-butts? Either way, I always felt shy, and hesitant. No matter whether I dealt with people or activities, I was always on the timid side. And judged myself for it. Harshly. And pushed myself. All the f-in time. Still do it. One difference though...: When I was a teen I worked super hard to improve my weakest areas. I seemed to believe that only improvements of my areas that "sucked" deserved attention. I thought I sucked at Geography and Sports. Which is why I fought for and got a highly desired apprenticeship placement in a travel agency and later became a snowboard guide and then a raft guide and then... a wilderness therapy guide. However, somewhere along the road something has changed. Because today, and during most of my time working in the field of wilderness therapy, I actually did not suck at it and actually felt right at home. And I learn(ed) for it to be OK to enjoy something. And that there isn't a need to always find other parts of oneself that suck. And that there is beauty in acceptance and joy in spending time in areas of non-suckage. Ahhh, personal growth.

Anyways, despite not being masochistically driven when working in the field of wilderness therapy (I think), I sought out encounters loaded with risk and adventure all the time. Basically every day. Life was full of it. I love the fast pace of the job. The learning that happens at all hours of the day. The sense of urgency, of feeling needed, and with it, the growing competence in creating safe places. First for others... later also for myself. [awwww, Buford just cuddled against my leg and is now resting with his warm body cradled against me.... telepathy? being a dog? sweetness.]. I am still working on giving myself the time, space, and activities that I need. That appears significantly harder than providing it for others.

What I know for me though is that it's worth adding some risk and adventure. Because at the right dose it sparks my creativity, which in turn fuels me with life juice. You know, that energy that tastes kinda like that lightly chilled 100% grapefruit juice I got addicted to while working with the German Project in the US these past months. Refreshing, tart, juicy. Like a lightning bolt!

Today, my excursion off-the-beaten-path led to thoughts of appreciation about my shift (between continents and now towards adventure), my recognition of it, as well as the desire to capture Buford in all his beauty. He was ready, too. Posed like a superstar! Or, shall I say: a lady? Do I have to point out his hind leg position (rather typical for my rascal)? While I gotta say that I was in quite a blissful mindset, he ensured that I wasn't going to start floating. (By making the face below... and) by running kinda close to a tractor. An active tractor. Meaning it was plowing the dirt. Or something like that. But being Buford he listened to my whistling. Turned right back for me.

I looked over to the tractor cab. I only saw the silhouette of the operating farmer. Kind of expected to feel distanced. The way I often feel when meeting folks out on walks.

But, hey, this one was different.



He waved... :D