Speechless.

The last 24 hours were some of the most nurturing for my soul in my life.

It's one of those moments where I re-track choices I have made over the last weeks, months, and years, and wonder if I possibly may have known all along where they were gonna lead me... - here and now.

I am totally blown away.

I wanna connect with people and share. Wanna call someone up (ha! the phone rang the very second I wrote this... it was my landlord though, whom I had told about the weapon - so no child is going to find it and injure him/herself or someone else... - not to speak of the fact that Paradise is right next to a prison!! - but of course I couldn't utilize that contact to share what's happening here and now) to dissect what I saw and felt today... so I can see and feel it again, from a new angle.

So, what is it that rocks my world...?

- I got to touch moose today... and feed them bananas.
- I was driven around a magical landscape that is decorated with crystals...
- I saw Swedish mountains...
- I got to watch a frickin' reindeer herd right outside the car (B shook like an addict during withdrawal when I made him aware of the beauty, ha!).
- I felt and heard snow krack and crumble under my feet (it's -25 degrees here).
- I saw the most beautiful sky turn all kinds of colors.
- I am offered to start my own business in the midst of this - actual - paradise... where everything that's needed is present.

All I have to do... is stop waiting.

Stop Waiting is the title of an essay of mine that has been published a few years ago. I'll share it here to help me with my speechlessness, as well as to kick the nay-sayer within myself in the butt... hard.

That's all for now. I gotta do some savoring... Over & Out.

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Stop Waiting

Nobody and nothing will keep me from experiencing happiness and success. Yet my vision of completeness is not described by the presence of the two. I feel an equal need to touch sadness and failure to learn about my truth. To move towards it is beautifully simple: I just have to stop waiting.

I was waiting until I was twenty-one, and I did not even know it. Sure, I had a life, some ups and downs, good days and not so treasured ones. What I did not have at the time was my own dream, a goal to aspire to that held true meaning to me. My aspirations were the result of my environment's filters, marked by seemingly insurmountable walls on both sides, leaving me a path that started out relatively narrow; widening proportionally with time. I did not question its limitations. Conditional dreaming.

Then I met this kid. He was only nineteen at the time. He dreamed bigger than I. His destination was the world. His options the universe. He asked me to come along. I could not. For I had waited to dream fully, and was not able to take steps towards realization. He sparked a fire within me. I carefully started to stretch my horizon. Engaged in conversations with strangers. Walked to unknown places. Allowed myself to fall into a deep sea of inspiration. Guided by nature, people, and my inner voice. A dream evolved.

Seven years later I walk outside the boundaries of my earlier years. My destination is reshaping daily; it is being bent, stretched, squashed, and keeps unfolding. I invite transformation into my life. And I trust my inner voice whether to stop, look back, take a breather, or blissfully leap forward.

Now is the time to stop waiting again. I have become comfortable dreaming and nurturing my vision. I can remove my safety blanket now and step out into the open. I am willing to hold on to the hands that are being offered in support. Ready to reconnect with the environment I previously pushed away. For my vision is to break down the limitations. I am hungry to see more shining eyes. Hear fewer sighs of despair. Encounter more laughter, and more tears. I want to stand into the center of the fire with the hurt ones, the discouraged, the strugglers. Sense and tolerate their fear, anger, and insecurity. So they can make choices whether to hold on or let go. And maybe find that their boundaries are as much a result of perception as mine were. So we can experience more than conditional freedom. I have a plan on how to get us there.

All I have to do is to stop waiting.