36-Hour To-Do-List

45 minutes from now: Be ready to be picked up by friends N and N for a trip to Kvarsebo (opposite side of the Braviken from my new home - connected by ferry).

Around noon: Help N and N plant a tree in N's parents house's garden. Let B frolic in the garden :).

Later: Explore area near my new home.

2pm: If still out there - swing by my apartment for shits and giggles.

Later: Call A to find out what to wear for tonight's test work...

Even later: Catch some sleep cause it's gonna be a long night. Also move the B so he will crash & sleep while I am gone making $.

9pm: Show up on time for the job (working at a nattklubb!!!).

3am: Be done with first "day" of work.

3:05am: (Hopefully) drive back home to be greeted by a sleepy-looking B.

3:30am: Hit the hay.

8am: Get up, drink strong coffee. Tell B we're moving.

9am: Bring raked leaves from garden to place-where-leaves-are-brought-around-here.

11am: Swing by P's to pick up the boxes.

11:15am: Drive first load of stuff out to new home.

1:15pm: Drive second load of stuff out to new home (ideally including N and N's bed on top of the car).

Later: Somehow rid self of car (possibly by N coming along).

Later: Walk the B in the new environment.

Later: Get some wine in order to drink a glass of wine to celebrate new (empty) home.

Even later: Snuggle with the B.

Totally later (hopefully 5pm): Crash.


Now, how do you celebrate Halloween?!?

"PMS: This is You, Right?!!"

Man...

It started swell. Strictly Organic Coffee, imported from Bend Oregon by the author of this post herself. Comfy morning at home reading up on my favorite blog (vet on the edge), followed by a long loop with Buford. Which included a horse - Buford encounter. I utilized the friendly horse's curiosity to train my lil' one a bit... had him calm down, sit, and eventually lay down a meter or so away from the horse (he's been a bit too rascally around a couple other horses a couple days ago - not on my shift!). Standing between the two beautiful animals in silence, while touching both of them was my favorite moment of today. Then a shower, lunch. Finally I reluctantly got ready for yet another trip to Norrköping.

It's not like I don't like going to the city. Sometimes as I stroll about the old gatans and vägen I feel alive and excited to become part of a greater community. Those moments are rather fleeting though. Today I didn't quite get around to that feeling... Instead, I found myself fighting tears back, and most of the time unsuccessfully so. Yep, I walked around Norrköping crying, and at my strong moments, at the verge of tears. Where they came from, I am not sure. My hope: See title. The triggers: As follows...

It started back in Söderköping. Departing from Buford I wondered if it was a good idea to leave him with the second half of a chew-toy-treat. I am in this place where I assume that the-worst-possible-thing-is-going-to-happen-at-all-times and him choking to death while I was gone was my # 1 fear. He's all I got. I left him with the treat. His initial excitement melted into one of those looks that says something like "maa-am, you... you... you're not going to do thaaa-at to me, right?!" Yup, it killed me. I closed the door behind me, sighed, walked to the gate, only to turn around and see his longing eyes meeting mine out of the kitchen window. Didn't Rob teach me not to look back?

So far, so good. I actually had more money on my bus card than I thought. Yay. Once in the city, I headed straight to the Back Up office. They had called me to invite me in to pick up the money I had earned by helping out during the wilderness weekend. I was warned that it was "mostly change". On my way to the office I had these evil little voices in my head. They keep making me think about all the reasons why this whole idea of being here in Sweden is bull. Once more I jumped onto the internal roller coaster as I navigated from the bus station to the office. By the time I was near my destination, tears were STREAMING DOWN MY FACE! Great. Didn't I plan to have the difficult meeting with these people tomorrow?? I did my best to wipe away my salty tears and keep new ones from developing. Breathe, Marlies, breathe... I found the door open. Went inside. Found a couple of the youth. None of the folks who had told me explicitly to come at this hour to pick up my change. Breathe...! I asked one of the youth... "nej, M är inte här..." - OK, smile...! I guess. Hmpf. Maybe W is in the kitchen? Aahhhh, yes, on the phone. Alright, maybe this thing will work out. I wait. Finally he hangs up. Hugs me. Invites me into the office. Alongside with one of the youth. Then offers me a seat. I shrug and ask about the money... trying to fanagel a Swedish sentence that could mean that I gotta go to Swedish training at the library. He gets it. I feel odd. And am greeted by a HEAVY bag of coins. Really?! I can barely squeeze it into my little bag. Makes a lot of sound. Awkward..... "hej, -klimp/klamp- jag heter Marlies kllirrr/klabam- och du?" Maybe I better go to the bank with this treasure before I head to the library to meet my future friends... isn't there a Swedbank on my way on Drottningsgatan?

Once at the bank I pull a number (they do that everywhere here). A short while later I start yet another conversation with "do you speak English?" and a simultaneous hopefully forgiving smile. Yes, of course. "Can I deposit large amounts of change on my account here?", I ask hopefully. I am told that I could, just around the corner is a machine. Sweet, maybe it isn't so bad to be paid like a street singer. I find the machine and on it a sign saying that it was out of order. I barge back into the line to let the lady know (I am not going to pull a new number for such a joke, right?). She says I need to tell L, on the opposite side of the hall. I sigh, approach L, and wait. Nothing. I say "L? - I was told to check in with you about the cash machine..." - "Yeah...?" - "Well, it seems to be out of order... how can I get my money onto my account?" - "Hmmm, that won't be possible until the machine is fixed... however, you can go to ICA (a local supermarket), they have a machine there... but it costs commission." - Really? So you are saying that I am already spending the money I just made?? The money that is meant to pay my rent because my f-in boss in the US of A is incapable of sending me the money that I earned with my sweat and my blood 4 weeks ago like we agreed upon???? - I left the bank and felt another round of tears dwelling up. Hey, don't judge too harshly: See title.

Walking up the remaining few blocks of Drottninggatan I felt like I deserved an immediate escape of town. It had been enough. I needed to go check on my choked-to-death dog after all, didn't I? Who needs to learn Swedish anyways? Couldn't I just go home, wipe up the blood and learn Swedish via podcast? Tempting.

But I pushed through. Secured my coins in my bag, took a deep breath and prepared myself mentally for the likely upcoming introductory sentences... jag heter Marlies... jag är från Schweiz.... As I walked up to the library I could already see an internationally-looking group of folks sitting at one of the tables with the couches. They smiled encouragingly when I approached. I sat down, carefully stashing my bag with my coin treasure near my feet. The man from Iraq to my left asked me repeatedly if I was catholic... ahem... really? He didn't stop. The lady from Asia wanted my chat address... chat? How about Google? For some reason or another, don't ask me, I actually gave her my Gmail address... then the interaction subsided and for the coming 115 minutes the lady who was supposed to facilitate the gathering spoke. Nonstop. And handed out reflex-thingies (safety device to be seen in the dark... thanks for reminding me that winter is going to kick my butt). Talked about her mother having had an accident. Which is why she decided to change the world by handing out reflex-es. And talking people into the ground. And having heaping piles of reflex-es in front of her. Yes, I got really tired of listening to this lady talk. The best thing I learned in those long minutes was that she is not always the facilitator of språkcafe. Thank goodness.... I may scrape my remaining courage off the ground, nurture it a bit and come back to try again.

I almost missed my bus. Thanks to running full-speed that didn't happen... On the way home I decided to try and see if Söderköpings Swedbank was going to accept my coins. I may not have mentioned this but... I have to pay rent tomorrow. When is this going to get easier?

On my way to the bank I decided to call my landlord. After all she had wanted to call me today to let me know if I could get the key to my new home early... While I am rather content staying at the house till the end of the month I wanted to make sure that I could move in on Sunday (the first) as I had already found people who were willing to let me use their car on Sunday. Monday or Tuesday were not an option. The following conversation went all over the place... it included stuff from her like "if the current renter gets done by Sunday... you can move in on Monday"... and from my end "I need to move in on Sunday as that's the only day I have a car and that's when I start paying rent anyways".... argh! What happened to things just working out? She said she will call me tomorrow morning. That better be good news.

In the bank I found a functioning coin machine. While I was fiddling with my stuff, my phone rang... it was my friend N. I said, "hello, N", with a somewhat muffled voice (being at the bank). "Hey Marlies, how are you?"... "ahem... actually, not so hot" (tears shooting up again). "Wanna watch a movie tonight?" - "I don't know... let me get outside this place... sobb". - "Marlies, I am coming over to your place, now..." - "I need fifteen minutes to get there. Thanks." - "OK. See you there". Aahhh.

N waited for me in front of the house when I made it there. I gave her a hug, unlocked the door and greeted (an-alive-and-well) B. We talked in the entry way... sitting on the cold floor caressing B... didn't even bother to turn on the light. I felt cared for, and understood. And warm.

An hour later we transitioned over to her house, had dinner with her hubby and later watched a movie, each of us snuggeld into a sleeping bag on comfy couches in front of their home movie theater. Beef at first settled in on my lap, and half-way through the movie moved over to the hubby. He curled himself up in a ball and snoozed happily through even the most intense parts of Redemption Road.

Now I am home. It's almost 1am, I am typing away, feeling resolved. Encouraged. Hopeful. Wanting for tomorrow to be more adventurous again. We'll see. It's time for bed. Good night!

Add Risk & Adventure... Get Creativity & Life Juice.

I absolutely love Google Maps. I've always loved maps. So when I realized that Google Maps allows me to have a close look at whatever section of the globe I want, I was hooked. I use it all the time. For one, I am basically stalking my new home (4 days till November 1!!). Additionally I have started to come up with ever-new dog walk options by perusing Google Maps. Brilliant! That way I can find new places to go check out knowing ahead of time whether there will be lots of traffic, ground coverage, views, etc. I have found one of my now favorite walks that way. At the time I was simply looking for a way to walk 'south of here'. Somehow it seemed important to me that I know a hike in each of the four directions from here. 'South of here' is a fun one... We've gone there four times including today. Today was the first day we got to enjoy a blue sky. Good stuff!

Making it to the 'place where B gets his leash taken off' I did not plan anything special for today. Just felt good without a jacket (but a cozy sweater, beanie and gloves) in the crisp and beautiful fall air. There is still some mud remaining, but the ground has become firmer, a result of both the recent lack of precipitation and the drop in temperature. It is now freezing at night.

Wandering along the dirt road I stopped to appreciate these trees, rooted so firmly in the ground. I am in awe about the diversity I experience here... the earthy ground - jord in Swedish - seems incredibly rich and home to a great variety of species per square meter. When I step onto her (in German earth/dirt is female and I like it that way) it's soft and squishy. It's more like stepping into her. Feels grounding to me. I can't help but wonder what Buford learns when he sticks his nose deeply inside these mossy rocks and leafs. Maybe tomorrow I'll do a bit more smelling and sniffling, too. Smell and sniffle like nobody's watching...

Anyways, for the first time today, I noticed that there were white markers on some trees bracing the dirt road, guiding those who are eager to explore the woods up close and personal. I
felt eager today and surprised myself a little. It's not like I
never go the adventurous route (most my hikes on Ramunderberget I follow signs whose destination I don't know); but, I went a step farther and actually got myself lost by design today. I kinda have this wild fantasy of being dropped somewhere in the woods - ideally by jumping from an airplane (hey, it's a fantasy, I get to make it full on) - and then given the task to find my way home. No idea why that appears so magical to me, but it does. So today, when I found that there isn't just one trail with white markers but a whole net I decided to not play it safe but actually play a little. While I got myself lost I realized that I had just taken an important step in my journey here in Sweden: I am adding risk & adventure to my life! Now I am not trying to say that the 20 minutes out of our 2 hour walk that we were 'lost' were that dangerous... but the sheer fact that I wanted to get more deeply into an explorer mode and wanted to really look around and find my way offers me a sense of relief. I still have it in me!

My whole life seems to revolve around finding the right dose of engaging in and with adventurous and risky experiences. Growing up I considered myself a chicken. Nothing against chickens, maybe they're actually no scardy-butts? Either way, I always felt shy, and hesitant. No matter whether I dealt with people or activities, I was always on the timid side. And judged myself for it. Harshly. And pushed myself. All the f-in time. Still do it. One difference though...: When I was a teen I worked super hard to improve my weakest areas. I seemed to believe that only improvements of my areas that "sucked" deserved attention. I thought I sucked at Geography and Sports. Which is why I fought for and got a highly desired apprenticeship placement in a travel agency and later became a snowboard guide and then a raft guide and then... a wilderness therapy guide. However, somewhere along the road something has changed. Because today, and during most of my time working in the field of wilderness therapy, I actually did not suck at it and actually felt right at home. And I learn(ed) for it to be OK to enjoy something. And that there isn't a need to always find other parts of oneself that suck. And that there is beauty in acceptance and joy in spending time in areas of non-suckage. Ahhh, personal growth.

Anyways, despite not being masochistically driven when working in the field of wilderness therapy (I think), I sought out encounters loaded with risk and adventure all the time. Basically every day. Life was full of it. I love the fast pace of the job. The learning that happens at all hours of the day. The sense of urgency, of feeling needed, and with it, the growing competence in creating safe places. First for others... later also for myself. [awwww, Buford just cuddled against my leg and is now resting with his warm body cradled against me.... telepathy? being a dog? sweetness.]. I am still working on giving myself the time, space, and activities that I need. That appears significantly harder than providing it for others.

What I know for me though is that it's worth adding some risk and adventure. Because at the right dose it sparks my creativity, which in turn fuels me with life juice. You know, that energy that tastes kinda like that lightly chilled 100% grapefruit juice I got addicted to while working with the German Project in the US these past months. Refreshing, tart, juicy. Like a lightning bolt!

Today, my excursion off-the-beaten-path led to thoughts of appreciation about my shift (between continents and now towards adventure), my recognition of it, as well as the desire to capture Buford in all his beauty. He was ready, too. Posed like a superstar! Or, shall I say: a lady? Do I have to point out his hind leg position (rather typical for my rascal)? While I gotta say that I was in quite a blissful mindset, he ensured that I wasn't going to start floating. (By making the face below... and) by running kinda close to a tractor. An active tractor. Meaning it was plowing the dirt. Or something like that. But being Buford he listened to my whistling. Turned right back for me.

I looked over to the tractor cab. I only saw the silhouette of the operating farmer. Kind of expected to feel distanced. The way I often feel when meeting folks out on walks.

But, hey, this one was different.



He waved... :D

Stamp!

Isn't this simply incredible? Is there a more perfect stamp out there?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

**********

Makes me wanna write letters instead of blogs.

Just kidding, this suits me more than I thought. :)

Blue sky. I repeat. Blue Sky!

Jawohl, it's the first blue sky I have seen in about ten days. This morning's hike was still wet and drizzly, but now Buford and I are about to embark on our first sunny walk in what seems to have been forever. And we even got company.

Light! Sparkles! Squinty eyes! Life is good.

Enjoy.

Hermit. Vandra. Plan B.

Beef gets towel-dried twice a day. That's another way of saying that it rains all the time. He seems to enjoy it (the towel-drying that is... he is clearly not enjoying the rain - this morning when I opened the door to let him "go potty" he just looked at me and turned around). I am fascinated by how much sand and dirt he carries home after each walk - good thing he does not roll around much... I think I would have to ban him from the house. The white towel turns brown after just one use!!

So, I could write this whole post about B.... but... I wont. However, I will say that I am feeling incredibly blessed to have the little rascal here with me. He's a lifesaver. Truly.

This is what I think about recently:

Becoming a Hermit - I find myself to long for some alone time. Meaning I am getting excited to move out to the countryside. I think this is partially a reaction to not feeling all that welcome here in Sweden. People on the street hardly respond to my "hej"s and even fellow dogowners seem to worry about crossing paths with me and B. Maybe I am feeling rejected and therefore pull back?! Either way, I am planning on counteracting this desire by setting up a few social experiences over the coming days and weeks (see below). Seems healthier for now.

Språkcafe - Träna svenska i vårt språkcafe! Torsdagar 15-17 - Start 17 september. Sista 3 december. I found this ad in the Norrköping bibliotek and it makes me happy. It has been difficult for me so far to find places to practice speaking svenska. Will be socially courageous next Thursday and mingle. Until then I will continue learning with my friends Komvux (free online course) and Podcast. Wouldn't mind replacing them... even though we have gotten closer recently.

Job, language, et al needed for Tilstånd - I am still powerthinking (meaning thinking about it non-stop) about my situation here. The meeting I mentioned in my last post is still triggering me. I wish I could let go of some of this stuff sooner than later. Here is what I have come up with: I will ask them to hire me and the woman that was chosen to be the clinical director beginning December. I will let them know that if they are unwilling/unable to do so that I am seriously questioning their intention to start the program in late January. Additionally, I will ask them to support me in my Swedish-learning attempts. When we first started to talk about me coming to Sweden I was told that there were free Swedish classes here that I could enrol in as soon as I arrived. Reality is that I cannot even apply for those classes unless I have tilstånd, which I can only get when I have a job... or a ton of money... or am a student (see below). The other part of reality is that I am only half the person I can be in my future job if I do not speak the local language. So, objectively seen I think they should help me a) get into classes without tilstånd or b) help me, e.g. finance, Swedish classes for me. I wonder what they will say - mostly because I think that if they make empty promises once again that I'll have to seriously make up a Plan B. Kinda scary, kinda exciting!

Vandra på Sörmlandsleden - So, should we actually start our program we may have a non-ideal use area to start with. Non-ideal because it is somewhat small and close to people. In my mind possible though because the Sörmlandsleden goes past it. I am fascinated with the Sörmlandsleden. It's kinda like the Pacific Coast Trail of Southern Sweden. I believe that it would behoove me to go check the trail out before we bring clients there. Accordingly, I am studying maps and am planning to bring up the idea to go do a trip on the trail to test it this coming month. It happens to go by my future home. There are shelters along it. I call that sweet! Wanna come?

Plan B - Even though I am not there yet (and I d'rather just have a job with FT), I am future tripping a little. I do not think that I wanna do the Solo business until I know Sweden better. My gut is simply not interested in it right now. And I listen to my gut. My gut wants to go up north. Far north. Find a job that makes B and I happy. Live in a house with a wood stove. Get a masters degree (one of my few friends here suggested that yesterday... not the MS, but studying. Fact is that I could stay here easier if I studied. And studying is free. Plus if I studied I would be forced to learn Swedish well at an academic level. And I may make connections and actually tie myself enough into the Swedish landscape to feel comfortable starting something of my own). Whoops. Sounds not bad... gut: check? - Check. We shall see.

Buford - I know, I said I wasn't going to write a whole entry about him. And I am not (writing a whole entry about him). But I am thinking about him. A lot. I haven't mentioned it on here but early on when we arrived here B was a little off. More scared than he usually is. A nervous butt. That can be dangerous for a dog. He actually growl-snarled at one of the girls that pet him when we met the group last weekend. In response I am spending a lot of time working with him. And surveying the scene. So I can be aware of his fears. And gently nudge him through tricky spots. So he will be more confident again. And more safe. For these reasons it is very important to me that the move to our new place will be positive for him. While he always seemed fine with our frequent moves I think that it will be good for him to feel stable somewhere. I think he's doing better already - yesterday we went for a walk with a friend and were then invited over to dinner (Beef got food too). The couple was very sweet with him and acted very dog-friendly. And, of course, he was the B I love. It feels good to talk with d0g-people about him. They understand. We will keep working on it. And keep you updated.

Boxes - I can barely wait to get my boxes. The boxes I packed in June. And brought to a warehouse in Portland Oregon. Whose trip across the ocean I supervised closely via the tracking method the shipping company gave me. And finally picked up the day before I returned to the US. Those boxes are now in Patrick's shed. Waiting for my moving day. November 1. That's when I will move them to my new home and unpack them. It will be a party. A private one. Only B is invited.


Puhhh...! That's one part of the zoo that is going on in my head. Good thing I don't have a job - I wouldn't have time to focus on it, huh? I think I'll end here.... for now. And hope to experience a blue-skied day sometimes soon. Like, when I took that photo down there about ten days ago.

Hope I am not the only one who has enough time on her hands to take three hours a day to walk a dog and ponder...

Frustrated.

Today is not fun. I am bummed at all the things that are not working: Am still unclear of how I am going to make my life here in Sweden... - have still not received my last paycheck from the States - am hearing lots of unrealistic (and Swedish, therefore: vague) stuff talked about during today's business meeting - it's raining/foggy/overcast/misty for a week straight (minus a window last Sunday) - I still have some symptoms of my cold - am still unmotivated to learn Swedish on my own - and am still not dating a cute Swede!!

Bääääääääähhhhhh!!!!!!

Good thing I have some Tiramisu ice cream left.

My Hobby: Photography.

When hiking yesterday I realized that I have a problem calling photography my hobby. My problem appears to be that I feel like I don't deserve to call photography my hobby... funny, huh? I seem to have this voice in my head telling me that I need to do more, or maybe know more, to call it my hobby. Where is the fun in that? Aren't hobbies supposed to be fun? I am not claiming to be a photographer after all!! Fact is, that I take photos daily and that I love it. (There you have it, mean voice that wants more and better stuff at all time...).

These are some results of me engaging in my hobby (ahhhh...!):

Beef charging up a hill on Fornborgsleden.

This mossy stuff is the equivalent of Sweden to me. Buford just noticed the only two hikers we met during our 3 hour hike. Two elderly really sweet men.

There are trees and moss, trees and moss.

I was shocked to notice that the Swedes had not taken care of picking berries while I was abroad... they taste a little overripe by now.

This is how Beef hiked the last hour of our hike (minus that time he ran after some deer). It made me giggle.

###

To celebrate, here a current list of my hobbies: Photography, long walks with Buford, anything else with Buford, reading (lots of blogs recently), exploring, backpacking, telemark skiing (cannot wait), learning svenska (that's a lie but I try to work the self-fulfilling prophecy theory).

Starting my own... firm??

So, I am looking for a job. I visited with that "opportunity-knocked" lady yesterday and learned that we will be neighbors for a month in my new home. Then she will move to Dubai - and gift me with some of her furniture. Not bad, eh? She didn't just hand me over a job though. She wanted to meet me and first figure out if she felt good about me so that she could advertise me in the employer world. She said she did (feel good about me) and that she will (advertise me). We shall see.

I am getting on my hind legs today to do some work on my own. Am planning to research a bit and write to some places that may be of interest to me. Fact is that I don't want a normal job anymore. Of course I would take whatever right now, but in the long run I want something that is a bit more out there (for example, in nature), than your usual 8-5 job. I want for my dog to be integrated. I want for it to be fun and healthy. I want meaningful experiences while on the clock. All that stuff.

Patrick was just here and pushed me towards starting my own business. Just for in between.... or possibly long term. Offering solo experiences to people. Hmmmm... that was a dream of mine a few years back. I could probably reconnect with that passion fairly easily. Will have to do some research and creative brainstorming. What do you think?

Ha! Opportunity Knocked.

I just got a phone call from my new landlady (apartment-lady?). A friend of hers may have a job for me. Got an interview scheduled tomorrow afternoon. How cool is that? No idea what I'll have to do yet, but... being offered a job in Sweden only days after I realized that I need one? This is the kind of country where unemployment is exploding!! Note: I am not in an extreme worried state as I am still promised a longterm job as of January. If I am really lucky (and I think I may be) the job is out in/near Skenäs... my new home base. This would help with the B(uford) management. My lil' dependent needs to be happy too, after all. For now, stay tuned... and if you got the time, x your fingers!

Overlevna... Survival Swedish Style.

Am back. Am dry. Here's my story:

----------------------------------------------------------------------

This is what everyone got food-wise for the weekend: A bag of flower and a bag of almonds, chocolate, raisins, and apricots. And little chunks of roots, pine needle tea, and other gathered treasures... not bad.

Additionally, each participant got a pen, a tea candle, three matches, a little notebook, a towelette, a tampon, handsanitizer, and a trash bag. Everyone had to bring a tarp, a sleepingbag, a backpack, outdoor clothing including raingear, a tincan, a flashlight, and either three cigarettes or three snoozes (om man vill - if desired).

We were bussed up north and dropped at a highway exit on a dark, rainy Friday eve. The kids were given maps and directions and... on we went. I was impressed by the leadership some of the elders of the group offered. Several of the youth (between 14 and 27 years old) had either been in the military or are currently volunteering with the military. Others had never slept outside or hiked with a pack. Beef and I hiked mostly in the back, enjoying the energy of the group and the fun unusual way to spend an evening. After several hours of hiking we made it into camp around 3 am. Everyone crashed. Patrick, Beef and I created a little home underneath a tree. I slept soundly between 4 am and 8 am.

Saturday was spent setting up a group shelter, engaging in trust exercises and doing fire times (aka baking, chatting, ember gazing). Here's how Swedes make themselves 'feel at home' in the woods:

Yup, those birch trees were cut for the occasion. Swedes appear to feel less shy about engaging with nature (and utilizing it) than what I've learned during my Leave-No-Trace--Phase in the US.

I like these kids. They're fun and they teach me Swedish. These are some of the elders who worked hard for the well-being of the group. Fun to be around.

That's the finished product. Yes, it was completely dissassembled at the end. And yes, there was a pile of birch trees... no trash. That will take some getting used to for me. Curious to see how I'll feel about it a year from now.

Blissful, no? Our fire bed. The triangle bred on the center rock is mine... filled with "Surprise Cranberries" in the middle. Yum!

The center of the shelter is kept open for smoke management. We were lucky as it didn't rain heavily at all... people sure got cozy in here.

Getting-to-know-yas... the weekend is an integral part of the youth program Back Up. Each school year youth get to apply to be part of the group who ensures that Norrkoping's streets are staying safe for all. By engaging in a weekend of learning how to overlevna in the woods, the new group members are challenged to increase their comfort zones with one another.

Evening activity: Trust Rating (each person had to write down each group members name and rate their level of trust with them - 1: no trust, 10: absolute trust - I got mostly high numbers but also some random 2s and 4s. Beef got a 10!!)

Getting up on Sunday I got some immediate gratification... the sun playing with the colors in skogen. Love it!



When I made it to the group, they had already taken down the shelter and gotten ready to leave... man were they eager to go home!!

I was impressed with the hiking of our group. Not much complaining. A funny moment happened only minutes after this shot. One of the ledare offered pain pills to everyone (me too). This kind of stuff is going to make me feel 'culture shocked'.

Surprise! Michelle brought food to our last stop before the bus. She was greeted with much excitement...!

This was on the menu:

And this is what Beef did. Hang out on the leash. :(
One of the girls was afraid of dogs which made this weekend non-Beef-ideal. We took some time strolling and frolicking throughout though. All in all much fun.

So - we all survived. Even the weather was gentle with us. Good times!

*******

One memorable moment (for me) happened on the first night's hike. One of the kids asked me how long I was going to stay in Sweden... "Forever!" I said, without thinking. Then I slapped my hand on my mouth in shock. "I mean... for a while". Alter ego talking or what...?

Question:

Who thinks its a good idea to embark on a 48 hour survival weekend on the eve of a misty, cold and clammy Friday in October?

Answer: Not I...?

The story: Will be delivered when I'm back and dry.

Visual Aid.

Here it comes... the map that I have been ogling over ever since I learned where my soon-to-be-mine apartment was situated. What do you think?!

Pretty special, no? I also learned today that there are buses (5km from the apartment) to the city where I will have a job someday. Dogs are allowed on those buses. For a child fare. That's a relief. The wonderful internet furthermore revealed that my new next bigger hub, a very small community, also has its own library. Now that is fun, no? I am starting to feel great about living on the sea again. Have I mentioned that I have access to a canoe and a sauna? Also, there is a free ferry that will shuttle B and I over the Braviken Sea, for free. That means we will have access to endless trails, and be in Stockholm in as little as 1.5 hours. Who's complaining? I'm not... just got a little cold feet yesterday.

Here is some of the beauty that I found today:

Apples... I just get to pick them for free... everywhere. All my walks end with me putting a couple of freshly picked apples on the counter. And they still sell them at the supermarket - why would they do that?? I should stand in the produce aisle tomorrow and watch the kinds of people who buy apples when they can handpick them... maybe I could sell the apples I pick during walks for some fast cash??

Here just a couple of shots to show you how sweet the little town of Soderkoping is. I love the cobblestones, the signs, the blue sky, and the old folks taking care of errands. That's how I wanna grow old. I'll try and catch some shots of old folks riding their bikes. It's the best!

And lastly, this is how my evening walk with Buford started. How can one not just be thrilled to walk a dog when one gets to literally dive into a field of gold??

It's supposed to snow tomorrow. And we're going out for the weekend - for a survival course with 33 youth that have never slept outside before - hell ya!

Afterthought: Dorkdom.

Yesterday on my way to checking out my new apartment I took a wrong turn. Because the road I was on was so quiet I decided that I could u-turn just about anywhere. Full of foresight I chose a spot with a bus station (yay, public transportation up to 5km from my new home!), that gave me extra room to take care of the maneuver. Turned out I didn't have enough room to do my turn in one swirl, so I put the gear into re.... "wait a minute, how do I put this thing in return???!!" Yup, I had no clue. Despite having driven many many vehicles over many many years. Here is what I did...: Tried, and tried again. No luck. And yes, of course I tried lifting up the handle, pushing it down and all that. Still no luck though. I started sweating. As soon as I saw the first vehicle heading my way - I was sideways on the highway, pretty much perched up against one of those shields (don't know what they are called) in front of me - I smiled encouragingly and waved a older, friendly looking Swede down..."I sure hope this man speaks English..!". And he did... and smiled when he learned about my pickle. He jumped into "my" stranded car - almost moved it into that bank in front of it (yikes!) and then reversed it beautifully. He smiled again, touched my shoulder encouragingly, and left with a farewell greeting... "just move the ring up", he said. Aha. Sooo sweet. I thought it was awesome. So, dork = friend magnet? Am not sure, but made it where I needed to go in time. And back (backing out of the parking lot included).

Get Ready..., Self! Time to Kick Some Butt.

I moved to Sweden five days ago. For the second time. For real. I brought my dog this time. Kind of crazy how real things get with a dependent. Too bad I am in charge… I seriously think his Swedish is better than mine already. But – as the title says – I am getting ready. After spending the first few days on the European continent battling a cold (yup, an un-fun way to start), I am now kicking myself in the butt to get things going. I truly believe that writing this blog more regularly will help me. Maybe I can remind myself here of the good things that are happening…, post some beauty, and - maybe I’ll even receive comments once in a while.

So, here is what happened today… a list of highlights:

1. Found a new great viewpoint during the morning walk with Buford.
2. Got a ride to Norrköping and then to my new home without even really trying…
3. Saw my new home from the inside for the first time – it’s 500 meters from the beach!! includes sauna, canoe, berries, community, and beautiful nature backdrop (and is right next to a prison… that’s for shits and giggles… and not really a lowlight, right?).
4. Got spontaneous support for my job search from the owner of my new apartment.
5. Had the courage to walk up to the prison to ask if they had a job (see below).
6. Got excited about the weekend when meeting with its planning committee (we’re going on a survival weekend with 33 (!) youth – Friday till Sunday – wish Beef and I luck!!)
7. Am eating healthy, living cheap, and enjoying it thoroughly.
8. Went to my new ICA supermarket in Östra Husby and found it to be super well stocked (produce section is much better than even the one here in Söderköping).
9. Got a call from the owner of the house that I am staying in currently… he’s super nice and he let me know that I can access his internet while I am here (yay!).
10. Bought peppermint and roibos tea at my future supermarket.
11. Got my bike back.
12. Received a package I sent to myself from the States shortly before my flight including several books I couldn’t part from, and treats: Strictly Organic Coffee, Sour Patch Kids, Chai Tea, and Good Earth Tea (yup, I am a hot drink addict).
13. Took a really beautiful walk with B this evening… two hours on a new route (west on the Göta Kanal). The light was absolutely incredible!
14. And I just saw that I now have two (!) official followers – thanks for the trust, guys. I’ll do my best.

Here are the lowlights:

1. - I didn’t get a choice of whether or not I wanted the new home – had to take it for three months no matter what… this could easily turn into a highlight, but it feels a bit scary currently.
2. - No job openings at the prison – maybe another day?
3. - Beef chewed on a pillow that isn’t ours when I was gone for five hours (that’s my bad, huh?) – I figured I’ll just relax and replace it. There’s worse… like – the leather couch? ;)
4. - A couple of days ago I was half-promised to be able to use a car to get myself started here… today I learned that that was not going to happen. I struggle with empty promises. They make me feel little. I am only 5 foot 4 and a half... can't get much littler than that.

I bet I forgot some things… but hey, pretty good for a day, no? See, and with that much stuff happening, I simply have to write it down somewhere. And it’s way pleasant to see that my highlights list kicked the lowlights list’s butt! Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Back in Contact.

As you may know from my previous posts I have spent August and September working with German teenagers and their families on finding ways to heal in nature. During those months I spent a lot of time participating in Gestalt Therapy. According to my Gestalt teachers, everything is about contact. To be "in contact" means to look into another beings eyes and to feel what is coming up within oneself. I enjoy to be in contact. It feels real, sometimes vulnerable, sometimes joyful, and it allows me to grow.

Since arriving here in Bend I haven't really been "in contact". It's been wonderful, don't get me wrong - yet some of the depth that makes me love my job and gets me to travel around the globe was missing. Until today - when I went shopping. Now, for those who know me this may come as a big surprise (to me it did)... as I am not really a shopping-type. But thanks to... Nichole? life?... I happened to enter a local shop that's filled with cutsie stuff. My friend started to talk with what turned out to be the owner immediately as Nicole admired her beautiful 8-month old girl that was entertaining herself in her "lil' cubicle". A little later our conversation shifted from my accent to my move to Sweden and that's when it happened: I got to experience a "contact" moment with a stranger. Sheareen heard about Friluftsteamet's goal to offer wilderness therapy treatment to teens in Sweden and was so touched when she heard that there were many youth from the Middle East in our target group that her eyes filled with tears. She excused herself for being "totally PMS-y" and I... was just flooded by feelings of gratitude for her love for people she hasn't even met and the energy she's offering to me by admiring what I am trying to do. How beautiful. She shared that she has roots in Iran and longed to work with youth from war-troubled places. She also said that having her girl was the best thing she has ever done. She touched me somewhere inside and motivated me and got me excited. We talked for a while and decided to exchange emails. She said I could email her if I ever needed a lift-me-up. I said "oh, I will - cause I know I'll be lonely at times". I also decided to give her this blog address. It will likely motivate me to post more often (I am still holding a lot of news about developments in Sweden while I was earning some much-needed $s here in the States) and possibly even shift my focus a bit to letting people know how things are going within our organization....

So, thanks a million, Sheareen. I love how emotionally available you allowed yourself - and me - to be. That's why I am doing the work I am doing. I'll use your boost to get me through some tough spots.