Loving the Swedish Roots from a Distance.

I'm totally loving my time in the States. I feel grateful for friends, new encounters, landscapes, opportunities, lovingly missing the B, and more. I feel balanced, resourceful, relaxed, and strong.


A memorable moment happened after a beautiful visit with a friend and her dogs in Sisters, as I drove back to Bend in another friend's trusty VW van "Burt". Suddenly it occurred to me with absolute clarity that I could not do in Bend what I am now doing in Sweden. I think during my time in Bend I was too suppressed by the system (or the way I have positioned myself within it) to think and act in the way that I now do in regards to my future in Sweden. Not to mention finances, as well as competition and need in regards to my kind of business. I am feeling streamed by gratitude for having followed my instincts Up North, and - even though I didn't realize it prior to my time here - have actually grown some substantial roots in Sweden already.


Maybe I am further along on my Sweden to-do-list than I thought?



Also, in other news: After my return to Montana I have learned that the German company that sends kids here has already inquired if I could take one of them later on. They are interested to send the boy to me first - and then... SEND US TO RUSSIA TO EXPLORE HIS ROOTS WITH HIM!!!! Hello?! Life?! How come you're so incredibly wonderful with me?


No details are out yet, and it may not work out at all... but the sheer fact that I have vague requests to take clients even before I am back home and working on it is... encouraging to say the least.



I also met LSL very quickly before leaving Oregon and my friends there. The short but sweet visit makes me grateful for connections that can happen anywhere... even here on my blog.



I cannot even start to talk about the time with my friends in Bend. Thanks, all of you who were a part of it. I couldn't live my life in this exciting manner if I wasn't grounded by your friendship.



Thanks to the acting out of the volcano on Iceland I am now enjoying a couple of days in between Oregon and my backcountry time in Glacier National Park. Which led to me spending a night out in the mountains near Kalispell with the boy that may later live with me... and to my participation in an Ayahuasca ceremony last night. A Peruvian Medicine Man is visiting the farm, and offered us graciously his medicine. Yeah, ... lucky me.



In a few hours I'll scoop up the kid that I'll take to Glacier for the rest of my time here. I'm thrilled and excited to dive into an unknown backcountry that promises to blow my mind. And then... I'll come back here to try and fit all the new Buford toys and snacks into my bagagge and head back to where my roots are. Mmmm-mh!

Beautiful Belize.

Made it back to Montana a few days ago. Belize treated us wonderfully, offering many opportunity for the kid to learn that there indeed is another way to solving difficulties than pulling out the briefcase. We met inspiring individuals, took in beautiful views, and chased - somewhat unsuccessfully - the elusive wildlife.

Here some impressions:

The hanging bridge in Belize city.

My favorite shot. Dog in Placencia.

These are the kinds of views that make me happy. Porch in Placencia.

Morning shot - Placencia's beach.

Catch of the day. Placencia Point.





Loving the simple stuff. Laundry in Mango Creek.





Tigerfern Falls. In the Jaguar Reserve.

View over San Ignacio.

Market in San Ignacio.

Have I mentioned that I am working as I float? Waterhole near Macai River.

Our home at the Jaguar Reserve.

+++

Needless to say: It all went well, we made it back into the States, and... Belize is beautiful.

The first part of my gig will end tomorrow.

Then, I'm off to Oregon by Amtrak overnight, off to a whirlwind of seeing friends...

It's promising to be great:

Overnight to Portland.

Meet up with my friend A. who's spontaneously decided to fly in from Colorado.

Meet up with one to two other friends, one of which will let me borrow her VW Camper Van.

Off to Bend.

Bend.

Bend.

Bend.

Back to Portland.

Overnight to Whitefish.

Off into Glacier NP for a backpacking adventure with a new client.

Life? Is good.

Hugs!

Montana Update.

I have been spending time experiencing birthing processes. The two goatlets above are just minutes old in this picture. Crazy fun!

I have also been making friends with Joey, the dog, Buster, the horse, Stinky, the male goat (and father of all the youngens), a few geese, lots and lots of chicken (who offer me omelets every morning) and some fun people.

Life is good.

Tomorrow, my 1:1 work with the boy will start for real.

We will be brought to the airport by the crew here to fly to Atlanta, where we will stay for a night in a hotel... and then, our journey to Belize will begin.

In the meanwhile I have decided to travel super light... bringing hammocks with mosquito nets for our sleeping systems and super light sleeping bag liners.

The boy is ready for the challenge and he's funny and lovable and quirky.

My cameras are charged and reay to snap some pictures.

I am eager to dive into a tropical environment with unbelievable jungles and an underwater world that may well blow my mind. I hope to share some of the excitement here - likely after getting back here.

I do miss the B a little... but mostly just in that sweet way where I am hit by the thought once in a while that I have a most wonderful dog that is taken care off well by my friends. Then I remember his sweetness and I smile and feel all warm around my heart. My new friends here know all about him and joke about my love for him.

Feels just right.

Went to a gun show yesterday and got my feathers ruffled a bit wrong when finding bumper stickers that kinda 'killed' Obama. The energy made my stomach upset... but the people are friendly and lovable.

Today I made an incredible connection with a guy from the social service network from Germany who may want for me to accept their children in the future in Sweden. Their program wants to have homes for youth in Scandinavia and the guy was really interested in learning what I am planning to pull off in the future. Good stuff.

I am dead tired and will therefore close this entry.

Hope all who read it are well and enjoy the thought of there being 4 new beings on this earth. They're sure cute enough to make a crazy bunch of people smile a lot!

Big hugs... M.

Wow.

So, I am sitting in the tåg between Norrköping and Stockholm Arlanda, where I will sleep in the Jumbohostel tonight in anticipation of my insanely early departure to the States tomorrow. I am typing this on a new notebook that I got from Mr. Moose who has been very generous with setting me up with stuff that he didn't need (phone, laptop, mobile internet) and I did/do. Yup, I have had some things fall into my lap recently. I don't mind.



I have been busy preparing these last few days, as well as enjoying the last few days at home with the B. We said goodbye about an hour ago... N brought him along to the bus stop, so that he would see me leave - versus me leaving the house and him waiting for me to come back for five weeks. Who knows if it makes a difference? I gave him a last kiss on the head, told him to be good and then N walked him off. He walked with her... all grown up and cute. Then turned around to look back. I'll remember his cute face seeking mine... but then - seemingly reassured - trotting on with her. We had an awesome half hour cuddle session on the couch during our last hour together. I am so lucky to have him, and to have such wonderful care takers while I am out adventuring.



That's what I am doing now. Full-time. I am excited about what's to come... and blown away that I brought all these adventures into my life. Even though my future is not secured yet (is that ever the case anyways?), I feel blessed with all the doors that have opened themselves to me over the past weeks and months. And, you know, who gets to go adventure travel all over the world with clients? It's kind of funny how (particularly for the Belize trip) it's almost as if my professions from over the years merged. I used to be a travel agent/specialist for Central America and Latin America. Then the guiding, and the work with troubled youth. Take all that - and you have my current gig. I am also very excited for the time in Montana on the Ranch and in the wild. It's really a dream come true.



Another really positive aspect of all this is that I will get to see, well, live, what it's like to have troubled kids living with me. I am still hoping to create something similar to what I will see over the next 5 weeks on my own in Sweden. But first when I'll come home (I'm so proud to call Sverige my home) Mr. Moose and I will start a temporary program on the moose farm. We are planning to take in four individuals at a time, aged 18-25, whom we will support in their struggle with addiction by providing them with a structured environment and activites in and around the farm, focusing on the outdoors, community involvement, and 12-step program components. I am really psyched and excited to have such an adventure wait for me while I am out adventuring to pass the time.



Driving across half of Sweden yesterday (to bring B from Sveg to Söderköping) I saw yet again more of my beautiful country. It is stunning here, in a subtle, rough way that I cannot get enough of. I am intensely curious to see Up North without the snow cover that I know it with and cannot wait to meet some of the 1500 bear that live in Jämtland. There are also Myskoxen (a small version of a Bison that only exists in the area) and of course moose and other creatures. One of my likely obsessions-to-be will be the lake/river system that we live on. From my house it's about a 30 minute walk down to the lake (I am so planning on setting up the Kurt Hahn routine of having the clients, B, and I, do a daily early morning dip). The lake extends into Ljusnan River, which will allow us to canoe days and days and days... There are tons of islands on the lake and with that endless exploration opportunities, camp outs, solos, you name it. It's my kind of playground.



And sometimes, Mr. Moose pulls out the maps from Really Up North, where all the names are impossible for me to pronounce, cause they are written in Sami. It feels as if it's sacred up there.. and if I wasn't on this crazy journey of my own right now I would have gone along with Mr. Moose who is snowmobiling up there as I type this to meet up with an athlete who is skiing on Kungsleden (King's Trail), a 400 km long trail that supposedly connects some of Sweden's most stunning landscapes. I said it once before on here... moving Up North adds a whole lot of excitement to my life. It's come more than true.



[Currently we are driving backwards with the train. There is some problem with the spår... hmmm - good thing I am not trying to catch a plane tonight...].



So, I hope to update this blog more frequently (or at all) over these next few weeks. But, who knows what life is going to look like.



I am thrilled to be seeing some of you all soon - that's quite the treat in the midst of all this.



In the meanwhile, take care of yourself, send positive juju to the Beefenator and lycka till with your own endeavors!

DO make me pull over... ;)

Scene: Inside (T)rusty, on the ICA parking lot in Sveg, Sweden.
When: After a 15km walk, app. 1:30pm.
Who: Yours truly and Beefy.

I was just about to leave the parking lot, right hand on (T)rusty's gear shifting device, eyes on the traffic, when I felt Beefy settle his chin onto said hand. I looked down at him. He looked up. He sighed. I smiled. Pulled (T)rusty over... and gave him a thorough head and ear rub.

Our walk on the incredible cross-country ski trails was blissful. Yet this moment with the little guy made my day.

+++

PS: He's slept ever since we returned home.

Falling in Love with Sweden... Every Day a Little More.

I have found an awesome net of cross-country ski trails just outside of Sveg that allow Buford and I to collect some serious mileage. Within the last 4 days we have walked around 3 Swedish miles (can you do the math?). And during those walks, I have felt grounded, strong, and filled with gratitude and wonder.

Am I really allowed to call this place home? Really? With all the birch trees, the pines, the moose, and the bear?

These days I'm pondering the fact that I haven't created a home for myself in forever. Over the past ten years I have lived in many different houses with different people, in my beloved van Shark, out-of-doors, or have frequently been allowed to "surf somebody's couch" for a while. I always enjoy making my space "my space" and don't mind those spaces to be transient (e.g. camping for one night on a backpacking trip). And yet, I smile at the thought of soon being able to invest time, money, and most importantly, creativity, into my home here in Sweden. I am not certain if "the house" will be that place, or if I'll find a smaller roof to live under. But I realized today, that in ten years I haven't bought (m)any things that were designed to be used in a house. All my pots and pans for example are camping equipment... [until tonight - I bought a set of pots that allow me to boil more than three red-beats at-a-time (I used to boil three almost every night - cause I love them)]. I catch myself almost nervously wondering, if I even have a home decor style. It seems so daunting to me, to think of purchases such as... a couch... a lamp... a (gasp!) bed. For years I have gotten those things for free (or almost) from friends, second-hand stores, and garage sales. While I love the practice of re-using and recycling (and I'll certainly do my fair share of that in the future) I think I will also commit to my new nest with some purchases when I return to Sweden. At age 32 it probably wouldn't be so bad to actually own a good mattress. Even though part of me screams inside, while I type this ("JUST SLEEP ON YOUR 2-INCH THERMAREST!! IT'S PROBABLY HEALTHIER ANYWAYS!!"), I almost feel like some home investments will add to my sense of finding a home.

And to "Create a home for Buford and I" must be taken seriously... it's priority # 2 on my Sweden To-Do-List after all...

Back on Track.

Here I am again. Had to go undercover a little bit to swallow all the stuff that I have brought into my life. You know, traveling to the States and Belize in less than two weeks, setting up hemforsakring och reseforsakring, planning a stay with a troubled kid in a country I know nothing about (knew nothing about - now I am a pro), having conversations about my future business, my Swedish future, figuring out how to pay bills in the meanwhile, connecting with friends so they're ready to hug me, AND.... getting to grips with having just created an upcoming 5 week separation from my rock! That last one right there, kill(ed)s me. I didn't quite get my level of overwhelmd-ness though. So I found myself working last weekend... and then spending most of Monday and Tuesday reading a blog obsessively (www.crazyauntpurl.com) and playing a game on my phone even more obsessively (JewelQuest2). As well as the essentials of course.... walking B, visiting the moose, making yummy food, realizing my car isn't about to break (but it doesn't like to be mis-shifted into first gear instead of third when accelerating.... ups! - I was worried for several days until I acknowledged my mistake to myself - go figure). Anyways... whenever I looked at B, he looked sad to me. Winced even, sometimes. And the guilt about choosing to go abroad almost killed me. And the feeling of having little control over the matter (I need money, and, how can I say NO to one of the coolest, most adventurous job options ever, anyways?).

Luckily I got help. On Tuesday evening. From... who would have guessed?.... not one dog... but many. I saw a handwritten sign at the ICA (common grocery store in Sweden) saying the following:

Polardistans.
Hundspannstävling kommer att gå förbi
Värdshuset i Lillhärdal 9-11/3.
Första spann väntas in ca 21:00 den 9/3.
Förarna kör 30 mil.
Välkomna at titta.

That, right there, was my savior. For those of you who didn't do your Swedish homework... A polar distance (apparently 300km - have you heard of the "Swedish Mile" by the way? Multiply with 10 and you have kilometers.... Silly Swedes!) dogsledding race was going to come by a village nearby and people were invited to go check it out. I set up a field trip with the Beefster right away.

And on that trip... which ended up being a 60 km (6 Swedish Mile) trip in (T)rusty and a 6 km (.6 Swedish Mile... you got the gist of it?) hike through glorious landscape for B and I... I remembered to be present at the moment, to do the best I can, and to trust life a little bit more than I sometimes do.

I also was able to acknowledge that I am scared s%^&*less that something may happen to B in my absence (= single biggest fear on my horizon). And I decided to counter that fear by enjoying each day I have with him now. And to ensure my friends N&N know and understand his flaws (flaws? B? his mama? he!) and are able to counteract them as necessary.

So, I feel better now. I am not happy about the leaving B part by any means and I'm probably going to cry thick crocodile tears on the 23rd of March... but we will be OK.

Talking about crocodiles... they have them in Belize. Amongst jaguars, avocado trees, mango trees, boa constrictors, loggerhead turtles, parakeets, red-eyed tree frogs, cashew trees, and some other inhabitants. So, basically I have yet another "Trip of a Lifetime" ahead of me and I am whining about the fact that I love my dog so much that I don't want to leave him. How lucky am I, really?

So, don't hate, I am coming to grips with it all by myself. With the help of a blog, a new phone (that has an amazing camera inside its sleek self), and a few dogs.

OK, gotta go and create yet another unforgettable walk with B...