Am Alive... (and Trying to Be) Well.

Sigh.

My new home is sweet. The places around it totally incredible... lots of seashore, lots of forest, moss, snow flurries, sun sprinkles, wind gusts.

In the midst of all the beauty there are B and I. He is gentle, sometimes nudging, often patient, frolicking, panting, at times barking, always sweet and beautiful. I am overjoyed, thoughtful, silent, teary-eyed, lonely, rested, restful. My inner hermit is coming out again. And that feels wrong.

I am supposed to:

- Call people
- Meet people
- Go up to people
- Take chances
- Be courageous
- Branch out...

... and ALL those things sound hard to me.

Maybe tomorrow? Or the day after? How about next week? Wait, I gotta find a way to pay rent in January. Fuck.

It's really hard for me not to be able to connect with the people in my life that I have. You know, the kind that doesn't speak Swedish. The folks that I am already close with. The first morning in my new home I thought I was incredibly lucky as my laptop caught some wireless signal from somewhere. That was only a half-a-day worth of luck, though. It has not come back since.

Now it's up to me to make it to the library to catch up on life. Which means 10 km of biking... not so bad, as long as the snow isn't covering the road. Walking 10 km just to check my email seems a bit more involved. I don't think I can afford getting internet at home. Not until I found a way to pay rent in January.

Which means I should do all the things above...

Hmmmm.