Later that Day.

I found beauty again today:

Beef and I took a new loop (out along the seashore, back along the road) and met a farmer. I had my second "Swedish Only" interaction. Those are short, smiley, and sweet. Yesterday I had one with a neighbor who owns a little dog.

There is hope.

I spent most of today on the internet. That is exciting as I usually don't have access, particularly not all day. I am in a new room of mine, called "The Office & Gear Shed". There are maps on the walls, one showing Oregon's wild places, one the Three Sisters Wilderness, and one my new environment here in Sweden. There are also a pair of telemark skis, two snowboards, a Buford resting place, and since N brought it, a tiny desk. Which officially makes it an office. Sweet. And miraculously that elusive internet I have used before has come and stayed. I am knocking on wood in between typing.

In addition to being outside I found inspiration on the wonderful world wide web today. There is an organization in Germany that is hiring people for a really sweet gig. I want that gig. I went ahead and applied. I also registered myself at Manpower.se, called a Thai Restaurant, and applied to be a Personal Assistant (helping someone with a disability live a better life by being with them - P made a contact for me). But I wanna tell you about the German gig. It's most fabulous.

The organization in question is looking for individuals who are interested to live with a youth for three months in the out-of-doors. The mentor/mentee team is expected to engage in activities such as hiking, biking, building and floating on a raft, canoe-touring, and/or mountaineering. They are also working in different places along the way, e.g. on a farm, in a woodshop, or something similar, usually with a focus on working with their hands. The mentor (that would be me) will be offered support in form of supervision, as well as curriculum to use when working with the youth. I WANT THAT JOB! The organization then continues the treatment of the youth by having them live with a mentor for the next three months or longer. The initial time in the out-of-doors is used to assess what needs the youth has and how they can be accommodated. I LOVE IT.

Spontaneous as I am - when I am not depressed - I wrote an application right then and there. Unfortunately it is Friday afternoon, so I am unlikely to hear back from the guy very shortly. Monday at the earliest if I am really lucky. Man, I am basically made for that job. I had some questions for the guy, one of which was if I could bring Buford along if I was considered a fit. Please, everyone who reads this: Cross your fingers, or paws (do I have any dog readers?).

I am also in the process to write up a list of needs and criteria for the people I came here to work for. I have been more outspoken about my - increasingly dire - situation here. I am in the process of being even more outspoken with the help of N of my friend couple N & N. They are most wonderful. Both N's are also incredible business people, which comes in handy when one wants to start a business. My future bosses are no business people. N has helped me understand that I am the most committed within our team. However, my future depends on those hesitant, slightly scared people. That is no good.

I need a goal to be well. Right now those people have my goal in their hands. That is highly uncomfortable for a control freak & dreamer like me. I will increase my pressure upon them so that I can have a goal again. They may be part of it. Or not.

Beef will be part of whatever I do. He's currently offering me free therapy. Like tonight. I made dinner for both of us, and after he inhaled his he sat under the table cuddled against my feet. Once I was done I sat down to him and took a photo of us:

And then I shifted my legs and let him slide into a curled up position in between my legs. He rested his head on my right arm and nestled his paws onto and under my right leg. We breathed together for probably about fifteen minutes. Once in a while one of us sighed. It was beautiful.