Post 100: Evaluation Time...!

This is post # 100. (Don't mind the couple of draft posts in my dashboard).

It's time to evaluate how things are going.

(In reality this post is meant to distract me from the pain that I feel/felt in my belly when I learned that I bought a lemon instead of a reliable beautiful car last week). This could have easily become a hate post. But thanks to my optimistic disposition I'll turn it into something else. What...? No idea. Please, stay with me while I find out.

I have lived in Sweden for approximately 6 months now (June and July partially, and then from mid October till now). During this time I have:

- Lived with a family that I didn't know prior.
- Learned a little Swedish.
- Lost a job that I had moved for that I really never even got.
- Got an apartment.
- Let go of an apartment.
- Moved Beefy here.
- Learned that it is INSANE to move to Sweden (some days at least).
- Appreciated the beauty of the forests, lakes, and the sea in Southern Sweden.
- Swam in many lakes and different places in the sea.
- Taken bike trips.
- Taken daily walks with Buford.
- Bought a car.. ahem lemon.
- Visited Up North.
- Returned a car after threatening the shithead who sold it to me. Voodoo anyone?
- Decided to move - Up North.
- Snowboarded once.... what the ...?!?!
- Telemark-skied only on ridiculously flat terrain (lame, inefficient version of x-country skiing).
- Seen one wild moose and fed three tame ones.
- Couch-surfed mucho.
- Made a few very good friends.
- Lost one very good friend (ouch!!).
- Taken hundreds of photos of my rock.
- Had a grand total of 11,000 SEK of income (from Sweden that is)... that's a joke, people... = approximately 1,400 USD... divided onto 6 months... (stomach flutter pain returns).



Yesterday I caught myself thinking "maybe I should leave now"... - cause particularly looking at my "income" makes me cringe... and my luck with apartments, jobs, and cars doesn't help. I also told N & N under tears that I hate "bringing all that badness into their life". That's how I felt. It's not fun. And still... (you can call me crazy now): I'm not giving up. I think there is something waiting for me Up North. Something powerful that will make all this... stuff... worth it. I believe that I am just working my way into the place that I belong. I gotta say though: It would really help my self-confidence and my trust in life to have some sort of success sometimes soon. How can one capable courageous woman continuously be discouraged by the environment? How long does one last? Or better, how long do I last...? And, will it get easier?

I think I'll have to drink that Mirror Pond beer tonight that my friends sent me for Christmas. Not in despair - I almost did that yesterday after learning about the lemon - but in... well.. in a grounding sort of way. I guess I could celebrate 100 blog posts as well as having Beefy and N & N in my life? [In case you haven't noticed, this is your friendly cue to tell me that yes, I should indeed drink a wonderful beer from the Pacific Northwest tonight].