Back on Track.

Here I am again. Had to go undercover a little bit to swallow all the stuff that I have brought into my life. You know, traveling to the States and Belize in less than two weeks, setting up hemforsakring och reseforsakring, planning a stay with a troubled kid in a country I know nothing about (knew nothing about - now I am a pro), having conversations about my future business, my Swedish future, figuring out how to pay bills in the meanwhile, connecting with friends so they're ready to hug me, AND.... getting to grips with having just created an upcoming 5 week separation from my rock! That last one right there, kill(ed)s me. I didn't quite get my level of overwhelmd-ness though. So I found myself working last weekend... and then spending most of Monday and Tuesday reading a blog obsessively (www.crazyauntpurl.com) and playing a game on my phone even more obsessively (JewelQuest2). As well as the essentials of course.... walking B, visiting the moose, making yummy food, realizing my car isn't about to break (but it doesn't like to be mis-shifted into first gear instead of third when accelerating.... ups! - I was worried for several days until I acknowledged my mistake to myself - go figure). Anyways... whenever I looked at B, he looked sad to me. Winced even, sometimes. And the guilt about choosing to go abroad almost killed me. And the feeling of having little control over the matter (I need money, and, how can I say NO to one of the coolest, most adventurous job options ever, anyways?).

Luckily I got help. On Tuesday evening. From... who would have guessed?.... not one dog... but many. I saw a handwritten sign at the ICA (common grocery store in Sweden) saying the following:

Polardistans.
Hundspannstävling kommer att gå förbi
Värdshuset i Lillhärdal 9-11/3.
Första spann väntas in ca 21:00 den 9/3.
Förarna kör 30 mil.
Välkomna at titta.

That, right there, was my savior. For those of you who didn't do your Swedish homework... A polar distance (apparently 300km - have you heard of the "Swedish Mile" by the way? Multiply with 10 and you have kilometers.... Silly Swedes!) dogsledding race was going to come by a village nearby and people were invited to go check it out. I set up a field trip with the Beefster right away.

And on that trip... which ended up being a 60 km (6 Swedish Mile) trip in (T)rusty and a 6 km (.6 Swedish Mile... you got the gist of it?) hike through glorious landscape for B and I... I remembered to be present at the moment, to do the best I can, and to trust life a little bit more than I sometimes do.

I also was able to acknowledge that I am scared s%^&*less that something may happen to B in my absence (= single biggest fear on my horizon). And I decided to counter that fear by enjoying each day I have with him now. And to ensure my friends N&N know and understand his flaws (flaws? B? his mama? he!) and are able to counteract them as necessary.

So, I feel better now. I am not happy about the leaving B part by any means and I'm probably going to cry thick crocodile tears on the 23rd of March... but we will be OK.

Talking about crocodiles... they have them in Belize. Amongst jaguars, avocado trees, mango trees, boa constrictors, loggerhead turtles, parakeets, red-eyed tree frogs, cashew trees, and some other inhabitants. So, basically I have yet another "Trip of a Lifetime" ahead of me and I am whining about the fact that I love my dog so much that I don't want to leave him. How lucky am I, really?

So, don't hate, I am coming to grips with it all by myself. With the help of a blog, a new phone (that has an amazing camera inside its sleek self), and a few dogs.

OK, gotta go and create yet another unforgettable walk with B...