Sweden To-Do-List: 1) Learn Swedish, 2) create a home for Buford and I, 3) grow roots.

I am here. Right here.

2011-03-29T09:46:00.004+02:00

That new grey bundle is Biene. She's a crazy, wonderful now 6-month old addition to the family. She's also a symbol for B and I growing roots for realz.

+++

Wow, it's been a while.

A really long while.

I'm still not clear on why I haven't checked in here - and the "why" may be overrated anyways.

Reality is... I've progressed exponentially on my Sweden-to-do-list.

Responding to crisis- and wanna-be-crisis-calls in Swedish 3 days a week. Living life talking and often thinking in Swedish. Enrolled in a one-year education in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) in Swedish. Language goal? Check!

Running my business successfully so far. Working 200% but feeling only about 100% most of the time. In addition to the stugservice job I had plans on accepting for the winter I also allowed for a 14-year-old whirlwind to enter my life and home. Whirlwinds have a tendency to ground me, so things are good. The girl has been here from December 6th and will stay until June 21th. I'm a mom of sorts... and it often feels good. She's turned from a long-sleeping make-up-covered often uncertain girl into a skiing often-gleeful dog-loving sweet young lady. We've given the house a make over which resulted in sweet sweet spaces all around. Home creating goal? Check!

Roots...? --- Am still not entirely sure what roots mean to me. What I know for sure is that I am rooting and that the process is the sweetest I know. Every day Buford and I leave our house with the single goal in our minds to ski or walk to yet another undiscovered place to us. He's guided by his nose - I use eyes and emotions. I've been addicted to a skiing loop I discovered 3 days ago - just gotta repeat it over and over till another one is calling my name.

Planning on working with different organizations after the whirlwind has left. Local organizations - both "state"-funded and private - have announced interest in buying my services. No I just need to set up a sweet summer program that allows me to play and do good work with some youngins.

For now I am getting ready for another day. Let's see what this one brings....!

German Blues.

2010-09-28T22:21:00.004+02:00

So... Germany is teaching me that I am crazy. You know, a little out there. That I am not the person I used to be... some decade ago, when I worked in an office and guided travel agents in their struggles with clients who wanted to travel to Latinamerica.

I think I have become a rather free spirit.

Who doesn't fit into a cubicle anymore. Luckily this statement has nothing to do with physical size... ;)

But man, do I feel out of place in city environments!! Even though people speak my native tongue here I feel misunderstood and as if I don't understand some secret code. Sooo many people and soo little human connection. Not that the Swedes are terribly social, mind you!

So, really, the trip is affirming my bigger life choices... compliments to my gut at this point... cause really, I cannot claim that my brain is my guide when deciding irrational things such as leaving the States and moving to Sweden many moons ago (ok, only about 15, but you get the point...).

Am sitting in a hostel in Cologne right now... winding down after an emotionally taxing day. Sounds like I am scoring more work days in the near future... so, it's happening.

Tomorrow I'll meet three guys I've wanted to meet for many months now. We first got in touch last winter when things were rather grim for me. Hoping to score a goal in our time together!! And hoping to make some real connection. Cause they, to me, are life-affirming. And I certainly need a little bit of that in this grey, rainy country.

Love,

Front-Country Challenged.

2010-09-27T19:42:00.004+02:00

"Hi, my name is Marlies and I think I am front-country challenged."

You know, as opposed to feeling at home in the back-country (read also: The Farm, small villages, the woods, the cliffs, being with B).

We used to talk a lot about front- versus backcountry when I still lived my life in the US. But I've never felt the difference as strongly as I do right now.

+++

Am sitting in the train to Stockholm's airport Arlanda. Flying to Köln in Germany tonight for a little businesstrip. It's supposed to last a work week and I am supposed to meet with different potential partners. But goodness am I rusty with all of it!!

Dress code, people paths, train silence, tickets, money, ...

Yesterday this was my world:

We got enough snow to have snow drifts. I love snow drifts.

B and I met 2 bears!!! One is visible on this pic. Hurray!

Rocks. Sky. Snow. Clouds. Simply beautiful.

This is where the hike started and ended. Love the softness.

+++

Today, I am focusing my energy to channel what I found yesterday in a way that I can share it with the agencies that may send youth my way in the future.

Seems logical that mother nature is my go-to-place to gather energy and courage for that... right?

Both powerful and a bit surprising to me how foreign the world I used to be part of feels to me right now.

But hey, challenges are good, right? And to know that I am in the right place to live my life is even better.

Here's to pushing the comfort zone.

"Front-country, come on - let's be friends again!"

(At least for a little while... ;)...).

What does one say when...

2010-09-17T09:30:00.000+02:00

... one has finally found a place to call home after years of searching for it?

The Farm is full of small perfect sights.

I love how well it's taken care of and how nicely it has aged.

Wanna find out if birds will nest in that little house up there in the spring?

Double-luck attracter?

This last picture shows the building that holds the stable area, my garage, my gear storage room and some wonderful handiman area... and my actual live-in house in the back ground.

I'm not sure what to say now that I have a home.

Am waiting for the wood stove to be activated for me so I can start heating my space that way.

Have spent hours the other day with a chainsaw... readying myself for the cold.

Have berries in the freezer and rhubarb.

Bought a wonderful bed and ordered a couch.

Taking small steps to making it more mine every day.

An Afternoon Hike.

2010-09-16T21:14:00.003+02:00

I'll let the pics do the talking this time ;)

Skinny Dip Inspiration (... or Invitation?).

2010-09-13T21:32:00.009+02:00

Ups, I did it again.

Couldn't resist a waterway's invitation to join it for a few seconds...

Maybe I captured it's beauty well enough for you to be tempted as well?

Wait, that is just a fuzzy pic of B and some fern-lings!! :)

I had no clue that my backyard offered a 200 yard waterfall...!

I'm in love. The colours. The energy. The simplicity.

In other news:

Had a real wonderful first date with a wonderful fellow yesterday.

Up on the fjäll.

Caught several rainbows.

Ran with B.

Who ate some berglemmings (= sadly some very cute little creatures).

Life continues to be wonderful.

And maybe a tad less lonely.

+++

Where and when are you next going to be inspired to take a dip?

In the Moment.

2010-09-10T08:18:00.003+02:00

I promised some in-the-moment blogging after having caught you up on my past months' adventures. Funny how life is challenging me further by bringing oh-so-much into my life these days.

Over the past few years I have learned that I have most success in grounding myself by

a) being in nature,

b) taking photos, and

c) enjoying B's presence.

Beautifully, these three coping strategies can be combined... :).

So, I am enjoying them all a lot recently.

Currently I am "in between" being with clients. Accordingly have I taken advantage of the relative calm by moving, nesting in the new environment, taking drawn out mountainbike- and hiking-trips with B every day, picking blueberries, getting a haircut, making scrumptious food, watching movies with a glass of wine for company, buying, putting together and loving my new bed, slowly setting up my personal spaces around The Farm, finishing the process of registring my company, opening a business bank account, organizing bills and paperwork, setting up my winter job, studying Swedish 3 days a week, and connecting with some seemingly sweet souls via online dating (hoping for a first encounter with the sweetest of them this weekend).

Rich days. And after my initial struggle to land my feet after having been on an intense journey with a young man for 52 days have I finally found some moss to plant my feet on.

I've been writing here about my struggles and successses and everything in between for over a year. Interestingly, I have never been this close to actually follow the Sweden To-Do-List. Now, my life actually reflects 1) Learn Swedish, 2) create a home for Buford and I, 3) grow roots. Intentions are my strongest weapon in realizing my dreams.

In the midst of my rather self-centered life (beautifully so) - I get to celebrate movement. Things are for real now. I'm going to travel to Germany at the end of the month to meet up with some people from the company that sends me clients. If all goes well the previous client will join me on my way home and stay with me another 4 weeks before I shift my business into "winter mode" (essentially working 20 hours with a vacation rental place for a full-time salary and skiing tons). Still gotta ponder what adventure we could tackle this time if he happens to come.

But, I have also been contacted by another company that I have been in touch with during the dark winter days last year. When I was grasping for whatever opportunity I could find on the WWW. They wrote that they would love to have me work with a "very troubled girl" of theirs. Apparently they thought of me right away... To me there is a lot of beauty in this. I am given more client opportunities than I can handle a mere three months after starting my business, while not even having advertised what I am doing here! Haven't found the time to even create a web presence cause I am so busy with doing the actually work. I could not have imagined this a year ago... or maybe I did? Am certain that that voice of mine was pretty meak back then...

But now it's strong. And it speaks Swedish a lot. In all kinds of circumstances. And German. And English. And I feel grown, and rich, and strong. Wanna continue with wandering in each direction from my place and find ever more beautiful spots to go with B, and take photographs.

Soon my fire place will be "installed". Cannot wait to spend evenings cuddled up with B in front of it. It's been cold here. Incredible, crisp autumn days. In the morning there is often frost outside. It's crunchy under B's hurrying feet when he seeks a spot to take care of his very personal business first thing in the morning.

The community here is wrapped up in the current moose hunting season. I've had the luck to see a moose a couple of days ago on my way to Swedish class. They continue to amaze me in their stoic beautiful presence. Hope that one didn't get shot.

Thanks for being part of my journey by reading here and sometimes commenting.

Life in Sweden is still a little lonely for me. Lots to decide and ponder all on my own.

But... it's happening. And with mine and B's feet planted a little more sturdily on that Swedish moss does it seem like only a question of time till we're a bit more connected with other humans and their four-leggeds.

Have a wonderful day!

The Farm.

2010-09-07T08:34:00.000+02:00

This is it, people... my new base.

In a whirlwind Buford and I left our old house right after our client left. We have spent the last 10 days or so moving our belongings from our temporary house to our new home.

I've even bought a bed in the meanwhile!! (Side note: Kinda crazy that I had to learn at 33 years old that I have slept wrong for all of my life?! From a cute guy at IKEA that "checked me out" while pretending to sleep on various beds? Was well worth it though, cause I now sleep in heaven every night. Thinking I may push a 100 if I continue good stuff like this for myself... Underbart!).

But, back to The Farm.

On the picture above (I took a photo of a photo in the older flat upstairs) you can see all the buildings that are bascially mine. Yeah, I get to be the "rent-in owner" of all of them...!

B and I live in the house on the upper right corner of the picture. The other buildings are an actual stable, a house that's being renovated (not actively, but it looks incredibly promising), quite a few sheds, and several storage places. Everything is in nice shape and beautifully aged.

There is also a swing. B gets a lot of stoke in his eyes when I use it. May try to capture that on "film" at some point for you all.

There is also endless forest that starts right behind our property.

And in the forest there are lingonberries. And moose. And bears. And trails to bike and hike and ski on. You get the picture. It's my kind of paradise.

Am planning to take some current photos of it all today.

Cannot wait to share...

In the meanwhile: Har det bra!

Of Cuddles, Play, and Rowing in the Skärgård.

2010-09-06T21:02:00.003+02:00

Welcome back!

Here's a visual of our time out in the Skärgård (Swedish for Archipelago). The Swedes are proud of their islands... I can understand why.

Note B's favorite sleeping spot: The fire pit! Maybe he doesn't need beds and sleepingbags after all?!

Love. This. Shot.

He looks so endlessly happy when he gets to play with the boy.

Sometimes I catch him even though he's speedy as no other!

Paradise, right?

Me, rowing the boat.

More cuddles. There has to be time for that.

Hard worker resting his eyes... :)

Best Idea Ever: Canoe Trip on the Klarälven.

2010-09-05T10:28:00.009+02:00

I'm back. For real. Will catch up a little on the past month away over the next few days and then actually do some in-the-moment-blogging. Cause life is beautiful and deserves not only savoring and capturing but also sharing.

+++

Over the course of a week my client, Buford and I paddled our canoe over 100 km on the Klarälven in Värmland. While a 100 km may sound like a lot of work I can honestly say that this was probably my most relaxed time on my job.

This is how we traveled:

B does most of the work.... :)

... and continues to tease my desire to capture his beauty.

Our first evening out...

... how beautiful!

Seal or dog? Or beaver?

Made the decision to learn myself a lot about fishing. It's too good not to jump on that wagon...

.... mmmmhhhhmmm. That about captures it.

Peek-a-boo! :)

Upside down and totally grounded at the same time.

+++

Klarälven... you're accepted as a part of my business components.

I'll be back!

Out breathing with Beefy P.

2010-08-29T21:02:00.011+02:00

Right now I am actually home... watching Into the Wild, loving the soundtrack, the perspectives, drinking a glass of wine, cuddling with the B on a makeshift "couch". Earlier, however, we explored some of the beauty that now is in front of our doorsteps... check for yourselves:

Sweet, sweet B. (Psst.. I think he's actually a little stressed due to our current move.)

Am after these guys. Wanna pick many and make jam.

This is for Andrea. Pretty, huh?

There are reindeer in this pic. B had to be leashed after all. (In Sweden you have to leash your dog officially between sometime in March and August 20th... August 20th however, also coincides with the beginning of the hunting season. Currently they hunt bears... and have shot a 228 kilogram bear nearby. Next week is älgjakt.. poor moose...).

Fun species. I think I'll use the colour scheme in my new living room.

Views in my back yard.

+++

So, I have moved.

Left my old house officially today.

I have also thrown myself full force into Swedish studies after my return from the wild.

Am stressed.

Unsure.

Longing.

Seeking.

And, feeling blessed.

We landed.

2010-08-23T20:30:00.004+02:00

B and I (and the plants I bought instead of a bed, a couch, chairs, kitchen table...) made it to our new home: The Farm.

+++

More soon. :-)

Hoppla!

2010-08-08T07:12:00.006+02:00

I have 14 minutes till I have to wake up the client who then has to do a couple last minute things before jumping into (T)rusty and head to the place where we start our 100 km canoe trip on Klarälven. Naturally, I have a million things still to do. Catching up here is an inmportant one.

Ready? Here we go!!

First a few photos of the last adventure:

Huts we reached after a 25 km hike.

Once B was with us my smiles increased by... well, a lot.

Photo credits go to A who hiked with us in week 3.

A taking in Helag.

+++

Life is full.

Our time at home was mostly nice and sometimes tricky. I am clearly more prepared to do crazy expeditions with youth than to have them at my home. My home life really isn't as active as say... a farm life or some other good place where a troubled youth can untrouble his or her self.

Accordingly I have to work more. Meaning I have to create ways to keep us busy to keep some one from getting into trouble (for once not myself or the Beef-ster).

Over these past 2 weeks we did quite a good job at just that.

And at picking blueberries (hurray, they're back!), cooking scrumptious meals, cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, doing paper work, catching fish, providing Beefy Panify with daily adventures and:

SEALING THE DEAL TO MOVE TO A FARM!!

Yes, you heard right. Yours truly will spend the next week canoeing the Klarälven 100 km towards the south, then see some friends in the old stomping grounds and spend the last week prior to being FREE AS A BIRD (after working for 7+ weeks nonstop) on the islands of the St Anna Archipelago and then - move to the sweetest rental opportunity in all of Sweden per September 1st!

It's a farm that...

... is fully functional in case I want some additional four-legged ones...

... is located beautifully on the outskirts of a sweet little village...

... has trails (snowmobile, bike, hike, ski) basically going through the back yard...

... an incredible flat in it for the rascal and I...

... tons of space for all the things I can come up with...

... work spaces for wood work, art, repair, etc. ...

... a humonguous garden space that just kind of transitions into the forest...

... a wood stove...

... freezer, dishwasher, washer, dryer, environmentally sound appliances...

... lots of light...

... mountains and streams right outside my door!!

+++

Ups, time to wake the client....

... anyways, I'll be back to move my stuff there and keep things more updated around here.

-- Skipping away :) --

One healthy dog.

2010-08-04T10:19:00.001+02:00

I only learned recently that Buford's tumor wasn't malignant. With that, B is decidedly ONE HEALTHY DOG.

We'll take it.

He continues to be a wonderful cuddler, a keen antler'n'hoof-hunter, and a surströmming smell lover.

Thanks for the support.

Alive, well, and, ... well, busy.

2010-08-02T10:35:00.003+02:00

Yes, we made it back in one piece.

+++

Even though Beefy didn't get to come for the first two weeks due to his paw re-opening.

And despite mosquitos who fought us several times like an army of warriors.

Or the swamps... did I mention the swamps yet?

+++

We also enjoyed powerful moments when we made it to view points, when we saw rainbows, reindeer, or were invited to eat freshly caught fish with some strangers.

Additional highlights were the B and A inclusion, playing cards, and making scrumptious food.

I got hundreds of photos however limited energy.

Am still on the job and will stay on the job till 8/20. Looking forward to floating down Klarälven on a raft that we will build and ride "a la Huck Finn style" starting next week and to some seakajaking in the Skärgård east of my old stomping grounds down south. Then 3 weeks client- free and on it goes again. In September we plan to hike from Sweden to Norway's fjords.

Yup, life is good.

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Seneca

2010-06-26T08:23:00.009+02:00

I am few days away from hiking 350 km with my first client.

My days are filled with concrete preparation. I can be found buying, organizing, packing, and agonizing over food. Testing my stove with Swedish Rödsprit instead of my trusted white gas. Saving receipts so I can mark my investments for my future business account. Gathering details about trail conditions, client insurance, and GPS. What still was a dream a few months ago has become reality: I created myself my dream job (life) and now I am living it.

Gone are the days I had to "construct my challenges". Gone are the days I dreamed up ways to live my life to the fullest potential. Gone are the days I worried about the lacking income.

It's all real now.

I got a young human being to take out into the Swedish Fjälls. I get to lead him through unknown territory, hopefully both inside and out. I get to be "wowed" by him. I get to be silent with him. And I get to listen. If I am lucky he'll tell me some of his story.

B will be on our side. He will make us laugh and inspire us to be gentle with ourselves. I will ensure that his paw continues to heal and that he stays well fed and safely away from the reindeer and the moose and the bear.

I will take photos. I will write notes. Work related ones and private ones.

I will get to ponder.

We are planning to hike 350 kilometers. In 3 weeks. Through some amazing territory. There will be mosquitos. We got spray and head nets, a tent, a bivi, and a mosquito net for B.

We are prepared.

We got a few days left to soak up some pre-trip bliss and continue to put the remaining ducks in a row. Maybe there will be another post before we're heading out. Maybe not.

Either way... have a wonderful shift into the second half of 2010!

Two Years of Furballin'.

2010-06-26T00:05:00.002+02:00

Today it is two years since these sweet eyes have found mine for the first time.

I will never forget that moment.

+++

I had arrived at the Animal Rescue Foundation near Fossil a few minutes prior, full of anticipation. My trip into the beautiful canyon in the Ochocos in Eastern Oregon had one purpose:

Meeting Buford, to find out if I could adopt him.

+++

Taking a dog into my life had been a long time coming. And yet, it came to me as quite a shock when I realized about a year before meeting the rascal that I am... and this may sound weird... old (or, mature? stable? committed? responsible?) enough to finally fulfill this longheld dream of mine. It felt incredibly empowering to shift from "I cannot have a dog due to... school, the house, money, blahblahblaaaah" to... "holy shit, if I am actually serious about this I can make it happen".

That shift is/was hands down one of the key moments in my life.

And it continues... it seems as if I have been stumped in my development somewhere... I often feel as if I have to "ask" someone else if I can go forward with something. Particularly when the "go forward" seems solely for my pleasure; like, for instance, getting a dog.

Turns out that getting Beefy wasn't just for pleasure.

Taking Buford into my life has made me - and continues to make me - a more whole human being.

I laugh more.

I move more.

I am calmer.

I touch more.

I look more closely.

I am more understanding.

I giggle more.

I am more playful.

I relate more.

I feel more at home, wherever I am.

And I take more photos. :)

+++

Back at ARF I met Sandy, who later became a treasured friend of mine. We had been emailing. I had asked her if that clown-like looking dog that I had seen on Petfinder may be a fit for my needs. Meaning if I could take him along on Wilderness Therapy Expeditions. And that I lived in a van (and couldn't provide a fenced backyard, however was going to live a life in and about nature with my future dog). Her response had sounded as if she had waited for someone like me to inquire for Buford. (Which differed greatly from the response I got at the local Humane Society. The people there didn't understand my lifestyle. I also didn't really connect to any of the caged up dogs, bless their hearts.)

Nonetheless, I was nervous.

It felt like such a leap.

Buford wasn't around upon my arrival. But there were tons of other dogs swirling around me.

Sandy told me that Buford was up at the nursery with Jerry. They were about to come back.

+++

Eventually the white van made it's way back to us. Several dogs were running behind it.

My eyes searched for the dorky face I had seen online.

"Will I recognize him?" I wondered.

+++

There! "Buford!" Our eyes met. That split second was it. Sandy later said that Buford and I "velcroed" right away. I didn't know at the time, but felt that something big was happening. When we took a walk with Buford and some other dogs he kept making eye contact with me and staying close.

It felt like coming home right then.

+++

I have felt that way uncountable times in the meanwhile.

To this day I whisper to B on a regular basis: "I cannot believe that I have a dog in my life...".

Even though my life has been crazy over these last two years I feel I have been more grounded than I ever have.

I remember worrying that I couldn't provide B with a life as good as he's had at ARF.

Now I understand that he needed something that he couldn't have had at ARF.

He needed a person the way I needed a dog.

+++

To many more amazing and adventurous years Little One!!

Start Eget.

2010-06-19T20:54:00.004+02:00

Peacefulness... captured a few hundred yards above our home.

+++

Slowly but surely my business is being born.

One of Mr. Moose's favorite things to tell me is to "slow the *f* down and be patient".

As I have alluded to here before..., patient I am not. At least not when it's about me securing myself a future. In the end I have to be.... and eventually, things work out. May as well stop stressing over the little bits and pieces.

Here's what's been happening on the business front recently.

I have gotten confirmation that I will receive government support for the first 6 months of my business venture. Yay for being 'let in' to the Swedish world by having gotten a personnummer a while back. So, I, like most other people who 'start eget' (= start their own) will be supported by funds as entrepreneurship is understood as a positive way to not fall into the ditch of unemployment. For me that means that I will receive approximately US$ 850 (brutto) per month for free starting July 1st. In order to be granted that money I had to meet with a free (!) business consultant a few times, deliver her with a business plan and register my business (which I did today... horray!). They will take away approximately 30% in taxes (yup, that's how we roll here) and still: I get an income no matter what. Brilliant! (Particularly as I plan to create a financially secure business.... meaning I don't actually depend on this support.)

I am also a mere 10 days away from going on my first 3-week hiking expedition with my first German client. I know, I know, I announced here that I had my first client already - and I did. But this, you guys, is the real thing.

The next 10 days will be spent setting myself up for a (mostly) unsupported backpacking trip west of here. We will hike on the stretch between Sälen and Storlien, the so-called Södra Kungsleden. The distance between the two places is 349 km - obviously there are tons of ways for us to log more or less miles depending on how things go and what we encounter. I get a feeling that it will be rather mindblowing... you'll certainly hear all about it.

Parallel I am working on a web presence for the business venture... aie aie aie... so much excitement!

Recently, I was also able to make an initial connection with a local photographer who is looking to work together with others. It's rather exciting actually... she does nature photography trips with groups and is eager to collaborate in creative ways. When I shared my interest in doing so she sounded at least as intrigued as I feel. She has lived on Grönland before and done some other incredible stuff. We are planning to have fika together on Monday... am curious how that little seed will develop.

So, for now... I get to plan, prepare, and nurse Beefy back in shape. I'll still have to wait for the results of the tumor analysis... We should know by the end of next week. Either way we need to get the rather substantial cut from the surgery to grow back together seamlessly... not an easy task with us two who are movement junkies.

Better listen to Mr. Moose and be patient, huh?

Last week was all kinds of wonderful.

2010-06-18T19:18:00.008+02:00

Having my parents here for a visit allowed me to make even more out of my days.

Early on we went to Linsellborren Naturreservat where I whipped out a Swiss Cheese Fondue.

It's my second outdoors, made on a fire.

They're good!

On another day Mr. Moose and I took a long kayaking trip. We started waaay up on the river and made it all the way to our houses. True bliss... and it will likely soon happen with clients.

I took my parents to Sånfjället Nationalpark a few days ago. We hiked to the top of Lillfjällen. Gorgeous!

I cannot get enough of the wide wide open that's "mine" all of a sudden.

Mine to play with, that is...

Beefy is still recovering. There are better and not so good days.

It will take a while for the results of his tumor to be given to me.

Until then, he's being cute...

As we left the Nationalpark area, we encountered the following family:

What's with the goat?

And yesterday... yesterday was the cherry on the pie. Not only did we see the following reindeer herd,...

... but also did we get to see my first swedish bear (and their first bear in the wild)!!!

I think I have landed.

Finding pleasure in slow paced activities like... chewing big ass bones.

2010-06-14T17:58:00.003+02:00

I am super busy with finalizing my business set up and the parents visiting and life happening all around.

For a quick update here some shots of the cute guy that's recovering well.

Will be back for more shortly!

It's been one year!!

2010-06-11T08:48:00.004+02:00

Since I arrived in Sweden and started this blog. Here's what I filled it with:

... freaking out about letting go of the comforts that the States have provided for me.

... being separated from Buford for 3.5 months and 5 weeks.

... finding comfort in sharing Swedish struggles and glory with a wonderful online community.

... getting a brain work out when (attempting to) speak Swedish.

... being fascinated by typically Swedish things like the osthyvel.

... finding, going for, and falling in love with Up North.

... playing with photography, nature, and the B.

... wondering, hesitating, hoping, and leaping.

... taking "trips of a lifetime" on two occasions.

... coming up with my business idea and taking steps to realizing it.

... earning very little money yet still finding ways to feed the Beef and I.

... traveling to the US and Belize for work on two occasions.

... meeting new people, making connections.

... loving life.

B is on drugs... not enjoying the high though.

2010-06-10T13:23:00.003+02:00

B has a tough day today.

No breakfast for starters...

... and... the surgery.

+++

B used to be very unconcerned when visiting the vet.

Yep, used to be. After being taken his temperature in his butt a few too many times and having been stitched up after a skiing accident a little over a year ago he started to be more careful around those caretakers.

When we visited the vet for the first time here a couple weeks ago he was timid.

Today, he was really scared.

+++

It's over now.

We're home - he's whimpering in his sleep.

I carried him out of the car and onto his bed.

He will have to take it easy for two weeks (!). Bummer.

I really hope that this traumatic event wont leave any scars. He really doesn't need any of that.

I also hope that the growth turns out to be a histiocytom.

I struggle when B isn't well. (How's that for a surprise?)

Send some love!!

B's Pea Update.

2010-06-09T18:41:00.002+02:00

Buford is getting surgery on his paw tomorrow.

We've been playing hard these last few days in order to pre-compensate for what's to come.

He's happy as ever. Unfortunately his paw has started to "puke" and bleed. The pea is smaller however also weirder. We're hoping for the best.

Cross your fingers for us - we gotta be healthy to fully embrace Up North.

Kayaking with the B.

2010-06-05T14:51:00.003+02:00

Training on land: check!

Self-portrait: Check!

Cuteness: Check!

Back on safe ground: Check!

Sweet Saturday adventure: Check!

Moose-lets in the hood!!

2010-06-05T09:47:00.003+02:00

Look what happened while B and I hiked our butts off!!

Isa had her calves. They touch my soul and feed my sense of wonder.

+++

After visiting with them in the back area of the hägn, they made it to the farm house for the first time in their lives...

Sweet little wonders of life.

My future... illustrated.

2010-06-04T22:03:00.017+02:00

I spent four days living the life that I am building for myself right now.

It was unbelievable!

The little sweetheart enjoying Särvfjället's everchanging vistas.

Finding a way through some marshy stuff...

Don't they look like troopers?

It's the life.

After some apprehension at home, B bonded with the kid during the adventure.

View from the saddle... I'll bring my parents here during their upcoming visit.

As I was setting up our sleeping spot, B positioned himself in front of the departing sun...

... while "the kid" decided to forego his tent set up ("too complicated") and settled in for the night.

B and I's sleeping quarters.

Shortly after taking a coffee making break at the hut behind us.

B is quite serious about taking breaks.

On our third day of hiking we had to cross these kinds of features... and waded through lots of water and muck.

Our destination was my "safe place" Malmbäcken. Isn't it incredible?

The shared struggles and pleasures did wonders. B therapy is enjoyed by all...

+++

Update from Up North.

2010-05-29T10:15:00.003+02:00

First and foremost: B's mini-tumor still has the opportunity to turn out to be a Histiocytom... meaning that it could be a "good" tumor that is not unusual in young dogs. I currently apply a gel twice a day that should make it receede (diagnostic tool of sorts) within a week or two. If it doesn't go away I will have to take him in for surgery. Even if I have to do that it could obviously turn out to be a "good" tumor; however, I am sending a lot of good juju into the cells to keep surgery from happening. It's better for B, for our exercise routines, and for my wallet. Thanks for the support!

I also got a chance to talk to a dog trainer about some of his less functional behaviors (essentially being protective of me). It's been incredibly good for me to seek help in this area, and I feel really good about taking some steps to help him feel more relaxed around strangers. In short: When looking at the pics on this blog you already know the B he already is... 95% of the time. Now I finally know how I can help him to feel that way 100% of the time! Yay, relief! Yay, asking for help!

This is our lake from a nearby skiing mountain. Mr. Moose and I started to seakajak on it last week. It's incredible. One day I went back and took B, thinking I could paddle along the shore and he could run (or rather, walk). Instead he swam and eventually jumped onto my kajak. Nope, I did not end up swimming, but realized that it will take a little training to realize the dreamy scenario of paddling into the sunset with Beefy strolling along. Little note of interest: Up North our sunset happens currently at 10:26pm and the sunrise at 3:35am.

B during our yesterday's walk. Sadly there are quite a few clearcuts that are very visible in Sweden. According to my interactions with locals they still collect wood that way here. Makes B and I a little sad. It's so much prettier when the trees get to stay where they belong. Or when sustainable practices are applied. And yes, we walked straight into that storm cloud... and had to find shelter under a tree later. That's where the following shot happened:

And lastly, the German visit. Man, I must admit I have been getting anxious about that one. Turns out that things went super smoothly, that we enjoyed one anothers company, that they loved my home, my (T)rusty (which is a stretch), and B (which is not). The - best possible result - of their visit has happened: I have a gig with a kid scheduled. I know I wrote on here that I have my first client a few weeks ago... which I do and it goes well by the way... but this will be my first REAL client. And it's going to be brilliant as I already know him, and as he will come here with another staff to spend three weeks in the area (during which I'll be a support and local guide of sorts - and make a little money). During the second three weeks of this 6-week project I, B, and the kid will be backpacking. Yahoooo!! Work! I'm for real! My company is, too! (Even though I have this awkward struggle to actually register it and move along with things). Isn't all this great?

I'm also going on an impromptu trip tomorrow til Wednesday. Accordingly I have to get my ducks in a row now and take advantage of being in the frontcountry for another 24 hour period or so. See you at the other end.

PS: Stay tuned for photos. After a longish period of rainy weather the forecast is sun sun sun! Being out for 4 days should lead to some inspiring shots! :)

Houston we have a problem...

2010-05-24T19:43:00.004+02:00

I noticed a little pea-size deformity on Buford's right back paw the day we went mountain biking. It looked red, round, and not right. Buford didn't seem to mind me palpating it. I didn't think too much about it and decided to monitor it.

When I looked at it again it seemed less red, same size, still there. I showed it Mr. Moose today. He encouraged me to call his ex-girlfriend who's a canine expert (but no vet). I did and she said that it most likely is a tumor. ON MY BEEFS FOOT!! Doesn't have to be malignant of course, but... what?!

Am trying to figure out if I can get him to the vet tomorrow. Apparently there isn't one in town here so we will have to travel a bit. The next day I am expecting the German guys who may be my future client providers... sure hope these coming days will be good ones!

Some cool cats went biking today!

2010-05-22T19:42:00.002+02:00

Well, I guess, Buford actually turned his excercise-time into a triathlon.

B uses every opportunity to show off his swimming abilities!

B starts jumping for joy when I grab the bike... :)

One of Sweden's best kept secrets... the little things.

There will be more of this combo!

+++

But first: Sea-kayaking on our lake tomorrow...

We clearly have stopped waiting.

2010-05-20T21:53:00.004+02:00

Some action shots of today's walk below.

To both, B and I's delight has the lake filled up. Soon I'll join him in taking a dip.

Sometimes, "handsome" is just too fast for me... ;)

Stick lover through and through.

Ahem... just: Wow!

(We're looking at my rolemodel in regards to "how to approach life").

+++

Things continue to fall into place.

Am loving it all.

Mornings with my SFI friends, studying svenska.

Afternoons out exploring with my best friend.

Evenings making scrumptious meals with the youth.

In between: Taking steps to realizing my first business venture.

Someone pinch me...

2010-05-19T21:58:00.003+02:00

I experienced some deeply touching moments today.

As I may or may not have written about here, I will receive a visit from two representatives of a German company next week. They want to see and experience my environment, learn more about my motivation to work with youth, and be interested to find out what specifically I can offer their clients.

A couple of nights ago - during a hike with B on top of our house mountain - I had the brilliant idea of utilizing the 24 hours they plan to spend with me in Mr. Moose's "alpine hut" that he's willing to let me utilize with my future clients during the Phase II I am planning.

When I called him to ask if that's an option and if we could go visit it prior his answer was as usual: "Of course. Wanna go tomorrow?"

We took a little longer than that, and went today.

I don't think the photos below will do my emotions justice.

But: The place is touching me deeply, letting me feel rooted instantly, giving me peace, and letting me trust that the kids that I'll bring there won't be able to escape that energy either (even though they will likely perceive it differently than I do).

There are a bunch of little houses. One of them contains a bastu (sauna) and showers. One a kitchen (open fire place in the center of the room), one three beds. And then there is a well outside. That's where one gathers water by letting a bucket down and dragging it back up. No electricity, fire places in all houses.

In short: My dream.

I was so touched, I almost cried. Not sure what was happening there, but it felt good.

Something about Sweden and their old ways is just really hitting the spot for me.

Well, Sweden,... keep it coming.

The Dinner Table.

2010-05-18T23:17:00.004+02:00

Things are developping beautifully around here. Having a client brings flavor to my life. It lets me self-actualize... isn't that a wonderful kind of perfect?

Life has always been good Up North - and yet, having a youngen around that needs a couple of pushes and some guidance here and there clearly adds to it.

One of the most nourishing parts of it all is The Dinner Table. Finally I get to realize my vision of creating an environment where the day is shared and debriefed when everyone comes together in the evening to cook, eat, and to just be. I see it as a life line of sorts.

We've been making beautiful meals from scratch over the last few evenings, which I have enjoyed greatly. Thanks to him being a Swede I also improve my Swedish in the process. (I think I won the lottery without even knowing it...).

And here's another thing it does to me: When I actually sit down to eat a scrumptious meal with another person (instead of surfing the net.... ouch!), I realize that there is plenty of day left after dinner, and find myself thinking of (and realizing) fun after-dinner activities... so I have been taking both the client and B to a special spot on the lake one evening, and then just B to explore a fishing hole in a new environment and up a mountain nearby to watch the sunset (while the client did dishes...).

The beauty of it all is that at the moment I am just starting to scratch the surface of what the future that I am building is made of.

In my vision of The Dinner Table I imagined inviting people from the community and/or visitors of mine to join the goodness.... wanna be the first to do so?

Straight into my lap.

2010-05-16T17:11:00.003+02:00

Hey, guys!

I have my first client!!

Kinda like a test run. He's setting up his room upstairs while I type this. Crazy...

I won't be writing much about clients here, for obvious reasons. This time just this much: This is an 18-year old Swede who needs a place to stay and figure out what to do with his life. Currently that includes getting his drivers license and letting go a bit of his excessive use of electronics (e.g. phone, computer, games) all the while following through with work (at the moose farm), learning life skills, and enjoying some of the benefits of being out in nature a lot. It must have all come to him a bit as a shock today, but we're getting along nicely so far and he will likely be one of my softer nuts to crack.

Am also in the process of making my homepage and putting some finishing touches on my business plan draft.

So, yup, things continue to fall straight into my lap. It really feels like I am in the right place at the right time.

Life is full to the brim.

2010-05-15T16:24:00.005+02:00

Lovely B and I are experiencing some wonderful days. Yesterday was an example of how effortless life can be at times.

I woke up to the rain pounding on the roof above our bedroom. Every morning looks the same in Buford-and-I-Land: Snuggles and sighs. It couldn't be better. He's a gentleman, too - he seems to adapt his sleeping hours to my needs. And he can be up in a heart beat... no matter if it's 3:14am or 11am! Truly, a wonder dog.

Anyways, yesterday I got up shortly after 7 as I had plans to go look for Inez (runnaway preggo moose) of Mr. Moose's. In the process, I was also going to meet A, a friend of Mr. Moose's. She was going to bring her älghund (moose dog; hunting dog) for support. In other words: This was going to be serious moose tracking business and Beefy needed to stay home.

My awkward feeling walking over to the farm without B on my side was immediately confirmed by Mr. Moose: "Wow, you look like you're missing something! I have never seen you walk somewhere without B on your side...". Oh so true.

A showed up a little while later. We first took one last look inside the fence (without the dog), in case that Inez had unbeknownst to Mr. Moose hang out in the back part of it. During that walk, the remaining moose Isa and Ivan ran, trotted, and walked next to us. Isa currently bullies Ivan (apparently a normal behavior during the pregnancy), which led to some slightly scary moments. A moose that's moving quickly when bullied is not something you want to be too close to. Just saying.

Anyways, we didn't find Inez. As we started on our way back though, Ivan suddenly seemed to have enough of being bullied and decided to start playing with us. Eeeeeeek! At one point he held his stubbles (his horns are growing massively, but are still only about 10 centimeters long at this point) in my direction and seemed to get ready to figure out who of the two of us is stronger. Holy moly! I suddenly didn't wanted to be inside the fence anymore. Mr. Moose directed A and me to always have a tree between Ivan and us... Needless to say: We made it back out fine. But, hello adrenaline! And, hello tree huggers! Good times.

Have I mentioned that it was raining througout this episode?

Next we got the dog to do some tracking. In the process we marched through the forest surrounding the farm, following the cute canine through brush, water-logged areas, over meadows, and the forest. She appeared to smell things once in a while - at one point leading us back to the fence and then barking like crazy at Isa who was intending to walk with us - but all in all wasn't able to bring us Inez back. Mr. Moose has mostly given up on her. He's not excited for the moose hunt to start this year. He calls the three his "kids"...

I returned home to a happy, dry, warm B who looked at my wetness all funny. "Yes, buddy... let me dry up a little... you're next."

The thing is: Mr. Moose had invited us to come along on a canoe trip in the afternoon. Knowing that canoeing is mostly sitting still for B, I wanted to make sure that he got an adequate walk in prior. Which is why I warmed up just a little, then grabbed my next pair of hiking boots, another pair of rain pants and a jacket. Optimisticially I hung all the gear from the morning jaunt. Who knows, maybe some of them will be dry in time for the canoeing trip?

That, obviously was not the case. But thanks to my diligent preparation (read: brainstorming gear and clothing for the 3rd wet outdoor adventure of the day) B and I were ready at 14:00 when Mr. Moose arrived to pick us up for the canoe adventure. We were going to travel with two other (business) friends of Mr. Moose, one of which I already knew.

On the way to the meeting place Mr. Moose suggested to check on a bridge on the Vemhån (our river)... with all the rain in the recent time it seemed to be better to check. Ahem, yup. That bridge could have - you know - decapitated us. We decided to carry the canoes in that section.

I got a little bit more nervous about having B with us for the adventure. Due to the recent precipitation the Vemhån was full to the brim - and.... fast. However, thanks to Mr. Moose's experience on the stretch as well as my own raftguiding past I decided to give it a try. Worst case scenario would have been for B and I to walk out to the road and then to town. Mr. Moose promised to stick with us in case of trouble. "We're in this together. So, we'll stay together no matter what." OK then. Have I ever mentioned that he calls the little one "Liten Gubben" and Pluten (spelling?) all the time? Yup, they get along.

The time on the river ended up being magical. It rained, there was a misty fog over the water, the flora was colorful, and the ride swift. I was positioned in front (meaning Mr. Moose got to do all the hard work) with B in front of me, sitting on a pad. He is such a trooper! Despite being rained on and having a healthy respect of gliding on water he jumped into the canoe on command and sat still while curiously watching the wonderland pass by us. I caught myself whistling and humming in delight.

And then we passed what we later called "The Björk". There were quite a few trees hanging over the water beforehand... and some laying in the river bed. But all in all: Nothing to worry about. "The Björk" was a thick branch that hung horizontally over the river... right in the area where the current was strongest. At first we attempted to paddle away from it; however, upon recognizing that we were not going to clear it to the left, Mr. Moose decided (rightfully so) that we just had to bust into it, head first. Now, "head" of our canoe was B... and I. Instinctively I wrapped my arms around him and bent down in an attempt to safe him from being knocked out of his wits (or the canoe). And, guess what...?! The Björk had to give and it gave by letting us plow right over it. Puahhh...! I was all giggles.

Mr. Moose, B, and I proceeded. At one point I said: "For the record. This is beautiful. We should do this all the time!" And then.. we heard them screaming. Looking back I caught a glimpse of an empty canoe, floating sideways in the river as well as a swimmer near it. The other person seemed to have made it to the landstretch on the other side. Shut! Mr. Moose and I directed our canoe to a safe spot to figure out what to do next... Luckily we were able to see that both swimmers made it to the bank before heading around the next bend - meaning, other than likely being cold (and probably rapidly getting colder) they were safe.

It took us quite a bit of work and lots of wading to get our canoe to actual land. We made it eventually though and headed up the road to find at least the person that we saw ending up on our side of the river. About fifteen minutes later we found him, another 5 minutes later a friend arrived by car. Thanks to cell phones and connections and rational thinking we all got back together (and the wet souls into hot showers) within an hour or so. Pssst: There may or may not have some whiskey flowed in the process.

Once the swimmers were taken care of, Mr. Moose, the called-upon "car friend", Beefy and I returned to where we saw the canoe last. From what we observed we had some hope that it had gotten stuck on a tree... One of the swimmers had his work cell phone in a dry bag that was attached to the canoe - and really wanted it back. He had 250 business numbers safed on the SIM card and was decidedly anxious about the loss.

It turned out that he had unbelievable luck (for the second time if you ask me). The canoe was indeed stuck underneath the tree - unfortunately it had also been bent out of shape due to the forces that kept it there. However, Mr. Moose was able to untie the drybag from it, while tiptoeing on top of it, holding on to some branches of the tree that kept it in place. The called-upon "car friend" secured the canoe and took photos of the rescue. Fun, fun!

We wrapped our rainy day up with quite a bit more whiskey and beer. I made it home around midnight, feeling warm and fuzzy, as well as satisfied with yet another adventurous day Up North.

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Universe...? I need some academia please!!

2010-05-13T18:51:00.003+02:00

Hello there.

Call me manic. Over-the-top. Adrenaline addicted. Restless....?

I really want to find an academic institution that will allow me to grow mentally while I am doing my thing Up North. I feel a need for supervision. For studying. For searching new ways and techniques. For sharing with other professionals. All that stuff.

Which is why I surf the internet - once again - to find that perfect place for me.

The thing is... because I found the place where I want to grow roots (Up North, duhh! Nothing has changed on that end!), I am looking into ways to doing all that either a) via a distance course, b) in workshop form, c) locally, or d)... I wish I knew.

However, it's not that easy to satisfy yours truly. Heh.

Anyways... I have been ogling Prescott College's Masters Program in Adventure-Based Counseling for a while. That was alternative one to my lost seat to study Transpersonal Counseling Psychology with a focus on Wilderness Therapy at Naropa in Boulder. But... it just really doesn't make sense for me to do a 3-year degree traveling between Sweden and the States. Too much unrest. Too much forcing. Too much money (for god's sake!!).

But: I just found Plano Alto again. And this is funny and fascinating in that very grounding way. I first found Plano Alto (at the time called Wildnisschule) in 1998. I had my fingers on their catalogs ever since. (Ask my mom if you need confirmation, she's bundled them into my room just in case I ever directed my gaze towards Switzerland again.) Here's the thing though: They may just be offering me the perfect way to fulfilling my current need.

Plano Alto has a couple programs that I could fit into my life that last between a year and two that require its participants to travel to different places in Europe to earn modules for programs such as Systemische Prozessgestaltung, Erlebnispaedagogik, or Systemische Naturtherapie und Beratung. Added bonus: I am already in love with some of the teachers (thanks to having read their literature before). Another added bonus: Those programs cost me a tiny fraction of the US equivalents (meaning... e.g. Euro 4,600.-- for the Systemische Naturtherapie program instead of 66,000 US$ for the program at Prescott). Another added bonus: It's European (probably helpful for my program up here). Another added bonus: Participating in a program that has workshops in Switzerland (and on occasion in Greece!) will get my butt home... it's been 2 (!) years. Another added bonus: I can easily combine this with my firm in the making.

Wow. You may hear more of Plano Alto in the near future.

Universe? ------ Thanks. You continue to blow my mind.

Ready to Stop Waiting.

2010-05-12T21:33:00.009+02:00

I just got to experience the most perfect day.

Mr. Moose took B and I - even further - Up North to the beautiful town of Östersund. He facilitated a meeting for me with his favorite business consultant (never mind that I have my own as well - but hey, starting a business one can never get enough support, right?!).

So, yeah... it's kinda getting official:

Yours truly is starting her own business.

I gotta say this again...

"I am starting a business."

Wow.

Needless to say... The meeting... which was going to take a close look at my finances and the doability of my business venture was a success. I totally expected for there to be a fluke somewhere, you know, something I haven't thought of yet, that was going to destroy my whole idea. But, no. None of that.

It just really sounds like all this is meant to be.

And that I am totally in the right place at the right time.

Wow.

The day continued with some amazing Sushi, lots of conversation with Mr. Moose (always a pleasure), lots of driving through amazing landscape, a visit of another moose farm (to inquire tips and tricks for the upcoming calf birthing/early days process - have I said "yay!" yet?), more conversation, spontaneous decision to have pizza in Sveg, and then - even more spontaneous decision to walk home from Sveg (while Mr. Moose drove)... only to see yet another perfect perspective of my new home (see picture above for support of my endless excitement). Plus, I LOVE it when I have an idea such as... "I could just walk home to give the B some exercise"... simple and perfect, all in one big swoop. On a bittersweet note though: Right after I shot the picture above, Mr. Moose called me to inform me that one of the pregnant moose has escaped... she's still not found. Cross your finga's for us!!

Anyways, my life has experienced some wonderful development.

I am now going to SFI (svenska för invandare) courses every morning of the work week. Offering me a community of beautiful people from places like Rwanda, Thailand, Burundi, Burma, Iraq, Polen, Japan, and more. And some Swedish knowledge on the side. ;)

I am actively getting my business going... meaning: I am in the process of writing my businessplan, have written my budget today, am in the process of getting my first client (!! - a representative of a German company that could become the "life giver" of my company is coming to visit me on 5/26 to check out my environment and discuss the possibility of working together - !!), have come up with a name, will soon capture my web presence space, and - if all goes well - will be getting the OK to get financial support from Sweden for the month of June!

I am in absulute. awe. of.... ME!

So, today is the day... that allows me to do the most powerful thing I can do in my (ad)ventures:

I will finally let go. Of... stagnance, fear, doubts.

And...

... I will Stop Waiting. You know, NOW.

Norrland is for real.

2010-05-11T19:24:00.005+02:00

I am running into reminders on just how "real" my new home is all the time. Having grown up in a beautiful small village in the Swiss Alps I am a total novice when it comes to living ruggedly Up North amidst animals like moose and bear and wolf. With my Mr. Moose connection I get to meet moose in a most unusual albeit fascinating way... as neighboring friends. Fact is, they don't all want to be pet and/or eat bananas (hmmmm... maybe they do all want to eat bananas but may just not know it?). Another fact is... Beefy wants to eat them. At least their legs if they are removed from the body. Lucky rascal found four legs a mere 200 yards from our house!! Waek.

Blissful B is obviously all about Up North and its treasures.

Found this during one of my recent morning strolls (!!).

(And yes, I do have small feet, but STILL.)

When I found paralleling smaller tracks I started singing, keeping the B close and eventually turned around.

Despite some initial shivers - as long as B and I are safe: I'm loving it.

Back Together.

2010-05-10T20:53:00.004+02:00

Note: Not sure what's going on; however, I have not made it here as much as I had planned to recently. So much is certain, lots of things are happening - and lots of things should be happening (aka my to-do-list is lengthy), so in the interest of getting the juices flowing again, I'll get started by sharing B and I's reunion story.

+++

Somtime on May 2nd after three long flights, some time in between, and a couple of train rides I stumbled onto the platform at Norrköping Centralen. Backpack on, secondary bag in hand, my eyes searchingly scanning the cars and people nearby for the Lil' One. It's been 5 weeks or so.

There! I see him. He's weaving out of the parking lot, on leash, sniffing happily left and right.

He doesn't see me. Yet.

N, on the other end of his leash, spots me, waves, and comes towards me.

I make it across the driveway, and onto a little "traffic island".

I stop. Take him in. Wait.

He continues to weave, not a worry in the world.

He looks a little beefier. And, awfully cute.

I wait for him to get closer.

When he's only a couple of feet from me, I say: "Hey, Buford...".

He stops abruptely. Looks up.

And then... he explodes into my face.

I go down onto my knees. I feel his paws on my shoulders.

His tongue in my ears (he LOVES doing that).

I feel tears of joy brimming in my eyes.

We engage tail-waggingly, little-sweetness-sharingly into being fully present.

The sun dances on our faces.

I just take it in.

N stands next to us, still connected by the leash. She laughs.

I finally stumble to my feet again.

Hug N, whisper "Thank you!".

And N smiles and ... hands me his leash back.

Getting Grounded Back Home.

2010-05-06T21:20:00.001+02:00

Yup, I almost didn't make it back to the house... Cause: "death by mud".

Sticks... The lake beds best kept secret.

We get to call all this our home?? :)

Crazy what features one can find without the snow cover!!

+++

Back. And loving it!

Amazing Glacier National Park.

2010-05-03T12:08:00.006+02:00

Even though I am already back in Sweden, here a few impressions from Glacier National Park, where I spent my last week of my US stay. I feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to enjoy such diverse and beautiful places over the past five weeks. I'll write more about what's to come soon. I may also attempt to find words for the incredible experience of being reunited with Buford. Until then, enjoy the views:

This, to me, is perfection in beauty.

I shot it the morning of my departure after 3-4 days of rain and snow.

Nope, my client is not running away. He's heading to the lake to take photos. :)

Couldn't help but be reminded of Sweden...

These coulds turned out to be the forebodes of 3-4 days of storm.

Ducks nestled in.

Getting water = daily meditation.

Wonder if it had the same effect on the youngster?

Loving the Swedish Roots from a Distance.

2010-04-24T22:58:00.005+02:00

I'm totally loving my time in the States. I feel grateful for friends, new encounters, landscapes, opportunities, lovingly missing the B, and more. I feel balanced, resourceful, relaxed, and strong.

A memorable moment happened after a beautiful visit with a friend and her dogs in Sisters, as I drove back to Bend in another friend's trusty VW van "Burt". Suddenly it occurred to me with absolute clarity that I could not do in Bend what I am now doing in Sweden. I think during my time in Bend I was too suppressed by the system (or the way I have positioned myself within it) to think and act in the way that I now do in regards to my future in Sweden. Not to mention finances, as well as competition and need in regards to my kind of business. I am feeling streamed by gratitude for having followed my instincts Up North, and - even though I didn't realize it prior to my time here - have actually grown some substantial roots in Sweden already.

Maybe I am further along on my Sweden to-do-list than I thought?

Also, in other news: After my return to Montana I have learned that the German company that sends kids here has already inquired if I could take one of them later on. They are interested to send the boy to me first - and then... SEND US TO RUSSIA TO EXPLORE HIS ROOTS WITH HIM!!!! Hello?! Life?! How come you're so incredibly wonderful with me?

No details are out yet, and it may not work out at all... but the sheer fact that I have vague requests to take clients even before I am back home and working on it is... encouraging to say the least.

I also met LSL very quickly before leaving Oregon and my friends there. The short but sweet visit makes me grateful for connections that can happen anywhere... even here on my blog.

I cannot even start to talk about the time with my friends in Bend. Thanks, all of you who were a part of it. I couldn't live my life in this exciting manner if I wasn't grounded by your friendship.

Thanks to the acting out of the volcano on Iceland I am now enjoying a couple of days in between Oregon and my backcountry time in Glacier National Park. Which led to me spending a night out in the mountains near Kalispell with the boy that may later live with me... and to my participation in an Ayahuasca ceremony last night. A Peruvian Medicine Man is visiting the farm, and offered us graciously his medicine. Yeah, ... lucky me.

In a few hours I'll scoop up the kid that I'll take to Glacier for the rest of my time here. I'm thrilled and excited to dive into an unknown backcountry that promises to blow my mind. And then... I'll come back here to try and fit all the new Buford toys and snacks into my bagagge and head back to where my roots are. Mmmm-mh!

Beautiful Belize.

2010-04-14T17:05:00.017+02:00

Made it back to Montana a few days ago. Belize treated us wonderfully, offering many opportunity for the kid to learn that there indeed is another way to solving difficulties than pulling out the briefcase. We met inspiring individuals, took in beautiful views, and chased - somewhat unsuccessfully - the elusive wildlife.

Here some impressions:

The hanging bridge in Belize city.

My favorite shot. Dog in Placencia.

These are the kinds of views that make me happy. Porch in Placencia.

Morning shot - Placencia's beach.

Catch of the day. Placencia Point.

Loving the simple stuff. Laundry in Mango Creek.

Tigerfern Falls. In the Jaguar Reserve.

View over San Ignacio.

Market in San Ignacio.

Have I mentioned that I am working as I float? Waterhole near Macai River.

Our home at the Jaguar Reserve.

+++

Needless to say: It all went well, we made it back into the States, and... Belize is beautiful.

The first part of my gig will end tomorrow.

Then, I'm off to Oregon by Amtrak overnight, off to a whirlwind of seeing friends...

It's promising to be great:

Overnight to Portland.

Meet up with my friend A. who's spontaneously decided to fly in from Colorado.

Meet up with one to two other friends, one of which will let me borrow her VW Camper Van.

Off to Bend.

Bend.

Back to Portland.

Overnight to Whitefish.

Off into Glacier NP for a backpacking adventure with a new client.

Life? Is good.

Hugs!

Montana Update.

2010-03-27T15:48:00.005+01:00

I have been spending time experiencing birthing processes. The two goatlets above are just minutes old in this picture. Crazy fun!

I have also been making friends with Joey, the dog, Buster, the horse, Stinky, the male goat (and father of all the youngens), a few geese, lots and lots of chicken (who offer me omelets every morning) and some fun people.

Life is good.

Tomorrow, my 1:1 work with the boy will start for real.

We will be brought to the airport by the crew here to fly to Atlanta, where we will stay for a night in a hotel... and then, our journey to Belize will begin.

In the meanwhile I have decided to travel super light... bringing hammocks with mosquito nets for our sleeping systems and super light sleeping bag liners.

The boy is ready for the challenge and he's funny and lovable and quirky.

My cameras are charged and reay to snap some pictures.

I am eager to dive into a tropical environment with unbelievable jungles and an underwater world that may well blow my mind. I hope to share some of the excitement here - likely after getting back here.

I do miss the B a little... but mostly just in that sweet way where I am hit by the thought once in a while that I have a most wonderful dog that is taken care off well by my friends. Then I remember his sweetness and I smile and feel all warm around my heart. My new friends here know all about him and joke about my love for him.

Feels just right.

Went to a gun show yesterday and got my feathers ruffled a bit wrong when finding bumper stickers that kinda 'killed' Obama. The energy made my stomach upset... but the people are friendly and lovable.

Today I made an incredible connection with a guy from the social service network from Germany who may want for me to accept their children in the future in Sweden. Their program wants to have homes for youth in Scandinavia and the guy was really interested in learning what I am planning to pull off in the future. Good stuff.

I am dead tired and will therefore close this entry.

Hope all who read it are well and enjoy the thought of there being 4 new beings on this earth. They're sure cute enough to make a crazy bunch of people smile a lot!

Big hugs... M.

Wow.

2010-03-23T17:43:00.008+01:00

So, I am sitting in the tåg between Norrköping and Stockholm Arlanda, where I will sleep in the Jumbohostel tonight in anticipation of my insanely early departure to the States tomorrow. I am typing this on a new notebook that I got from Mr. Moose who has been very generous with setting me up with stuff that he didn't need (phone, laptop, mobile internet) and I did/do. Yup, I have had some things fall into my lap recently. I don't mind.

I have been busy preparing these last few days, as well as enjoying the last few days at home with the B. We said goodbye about an hour ago... N brought him along to the bus stop, so that he would see me leave - versus me leaving the house and him waiting for me to come back for five weeks. Who knows if it makes a difference? I gave him a last kiss on the head, told him to be good and then N walked him off. He walked with her... all grown up and cute. Then turned around to look back. I'll remember his cute face seeking mine... but then - seemingly reassured - trotting on with her. We had an awesome half hour cuddle session on the couch during our last hour together. I am so lucky to have him, and to have such wonderful care takers while I am out adventuring.

That's what I am doing now. Full-time. I am excited about what's to come... and blown away that I brought all these adventures into my life. Even though my future is not secured yet (is that ever the case anyways?), I feel blessed with all the doors that have opened themselves to me over the past weeks and months. And, you know, who gets to go adventure travel all over the world with clients? It's kind of funny how (particularly for the Belize trip) it's almost as if my professions from over the years merged. I used to be a travel agent/specialist for Central America and Latin America. Then the guiding, and the work with troubled youth. Take all that - and you have my current gig. I am also very excited for the time in Montana on the Ranch and in the wild. It's really a dream come true.

Another really positive aspect of all this is that I will get to see, well, live, what it's like to have troubled kids living with me. I am still hoping to create something similar to what I will see over the next 5 weeks on my own in Sweden. But first when I'll come home (I'm so proud to call Sverige my home) Mr. Moose and I will start a temporary program on the moose farm. We are planning to take in four individuals at a time, aged 18-25, whom we will support in their struggle with addiction by providing them with a structured environment and activites in and around the farm, focusing on the outdoors, community involvement, and 12-step program components. I am really psyched and excited to have such an adventure wait for me while I am out adventuring to pass the time.

Driving across half of Sweden yesterday (to bring B from Sveg to Söderköping) I saw yet again more of my beautiful country. It is stunning here, in a subtle, rough way that I cannot get enough of. I am intensely curious to see Up North without the snow cover that I know it with and cannot wait to meet some of the 1500 bear that live in Jämtland. There are also Myskoxen (a small version of a Bison that only exists in the area) and of course moose and other creatures. One of my likely obsessions-to-be will be the lake/river system that we live on. From my house it's about a 30 minute walk down to the lake (I am so planning on setting up the Kurt Hahn routine of having the clients, B, and I, do a daily early morning dip). The lake extends into Ljusnan River, which will allow us to canoe days and days and days... There are tons of islands on the lake and with that endless exploration opportunities, camp outs, solos, you name it. It's my kind of playground.

And sometimes, Mr. Moose pulls out the maps from Really Up North, where all the names are impossible for me to pronounce, cause they are written in Sami. It feels as if it's sacred up there.. and if I wasn't on this crazy journey of my own right now I would have gone along with Mr. Moose who is snowmobiling up there as I type this to meet up with an athlete who is skiing on Kungsleden (King's Trail), a 400 km long trail that supposedly connects some of Sweden's most stunning landscapes. I said it once before on here... moving Up North adds a whole lot of excitement to my life. It's come more than true.

[Currently we are driving backwards with the train. There is some problem with the spår... hmmm - good thing I am not trying to catch a plane tonight...].

So, I hope to update this blog more frequently (or at all) over these next few weeks. But, who knows what life is going to look like.

I am thrilled to be seeing some of you all soon - that's quite the treat in the midst of all this.

In the meanwhile, take care of yourself, send positive juju to the Beefenator and lycka till with your own endeavors!

DO make me pull over... ;)

2010-03-15T18:28:00.002+01:00

Scene: Inside (T)rusty, on the ICA parking lot in Sveg, Sweden.
When: After a 15km walk, app. 1:30pm.
Who: Yours truly and Beefy.

I was just about to leave the parking lot, right hand on (T)rusty's gear shifting device, eyes on the traffic, when I felt Beefy settle his chin onto said hand. I looked down at him. He looked up. He sighed. I smiled. Pulled (T)rusty over... and gave him a thorough head and ear rub.

Our walk on the incredible cross-country ski trails was blissful. Yet this moment with the little guy made my day.

+++

PS: He's slept ever since we returned home.

Falling in Love with Sweden... Every Day a Little More.

2010-03-13T21:09:00.003+01:00

I have found an awesome net of cross-country ski trails just outside of Sveg that allow Buford and I to collect some serious mileage. Within the last 4 days we have walked around 3 Swedish miles (can you do the math?). And during those walks, I have felt grounded, strong, and filled with gratitude and wonder.

Am I really allowed to call this place home? Really? With all the birch trees, the pines, the moose, and the bear?

These days I'm pondering the fact that I haven't created a home for myself in forever. Over the past ten years I have lived in many different houses with different people, in my beloved van Shark, out-of-doors, or have frequently been allowed to "surf somebody's couch" for a while. I always enjoy making my space "my space" and don't mind those spaces to be transient (e.g. camping for one night on a backpacking trip). And yet, I smile at the thought of soon being able to invest time, money, and most importantly, creativity, into my home here in Sweden. I am not certain if "the house" will be that place, or if I'll find a smaller roof to live under. But I realized today, that in ten years I haven't bought (m)any things that were designed to be used in a house. All my pots and pans for example are camping equipment... [until tonight - I bought a set of pots that allow me to boil more than three red-beats at-a-time (I used to boil three almost every night - cause I love them)]. I catch myself almost nervously wondering, if I even have a home decor style. It seems so daunting to me, to think of purchases such as... a couch... a lamp... a (gasp!) bed. For years I have gotten those things for free (or almost) from friends, second-hand stores, and garage sales. While I love the practice of re-using and recycling (and I'll certainly do my fair share of that in the future) I think I will also commit to my new nest with some purchases when I return to Sweden. At age 32 it probably wouldn't be so bad to actually own a good mattress. Even though part of me screams inside, while I type this ("JUST SLEEP ON YOUR 2-INCH THERMAREST!! IT'S PROBABLY HEALTHIER ANYWAYS!!"), I almost feel like some home investments will add to my sense of finding a home.

And to "Create a home for Buford and I" must be taken seriously... it's priority # 2 on my Sweden To-Do-List after all...

Back on Track.

2010-03-12T08:32:00.004+01:00

Here I am again. Had to go undercover a little bit to swallow all the stuff that I have brought into my life. You know, traveling to the States and Belize in less than two weeks, setting up hemforsakring och reseforsakring, planning a stay with a troubled kid in a country I know nothing about (knew nothing about - now I am a pro), having conversations about my future business, my Swedish future, figuring out how to pay bills in the meanwhile, connecting with friends so they're ready to hug me, AND.... getting to grips with having just created an upcoming 5 week separation from my rock! That last one right there, kill(ed)s me. I didn't quite get my level of overwhelmd-ness though. So I found myself working last weekend... and then spending most of Monday and Tuesday reading a blog obsessively (www.crazyauntpurl.com) and playing a game on my phone even more obsessively (JewelQuest2). As well as the essentials of course.... walking B, visiting the moose, making yummy food, realizing my car isn't about to break (but it doesn't like to be mis-shifted into first gear instead of third when accelerating.... ups! - I was worried for several days until I acknowledged my mistake to myself - go figure). Anyways... whenever I looked at B, he looked sad to me. Winced even, sometimes. And the guilt about choosing to go abroad almost killed me. And the feeling of having little control over the matter (I need money, and, how can I say NO to one of the coolest, most adventurous job options ever, anyways?).

Luckily I got help. On Tuesday evening. From... who would have guessed?.... not one dog... but many. I saw a handwritten sign at the ICA (common grocery store in Sweden) saying the following:

Polardistans.
Hundspannstävling kommer att gå förbi
Värdshuset i Lillhärdal 9-11/3.
Första spann väntas in ca 21:00 den 9/3.
Förarna kör 30 mil.
Välkomna at titta.

That, right there, was my savior. For those of you who didn't do your Swedish homework... A polar distance (apparently 300km - have you heard of the "Swedish Mile" by the way? Multiply with 10 and you have kilometers.... Silly Swedes!) dogsledding race was going to come by a village nearby and people were invited to go check it out. I set up a field trip with the Beefster right away.

And on that trip... which ended up being a 60 km (6 Swedish Mile) trip in (T)rusty and a 6 km (.6 Swedish Mile... you got the gist of it?) hike through glorious landscape for B and I... I remembered to be present at the moment, to do the best I can, and to trust life a little bit more than I sometimes do.

I also was able to acknowledge that I am scared s%^&*less that something may happen to B in my absence (= single biggest fear on my horizon). And I decided to counter that fear by enjoying each day I have with him now. And to ensure my friends N&N know and understand his flaws (flaws? B? his mama? he!) and are able to counteract them as necessary.

So, I feel better now. I am not happy about the leaving B part by any means and I'm probably going to cry thick crocodile tears on the 23rd of March... but we will be OK.

Talking about crocodiles... they have them in Belize. Amongst jaguars, avocado trees, mango trees, boa constrictors, loggerhead turtles, parakeets, red-eyed tree frogs, cashew trees, and some other inhabitants. So, basically I have yet another "Trip of a Lifetime" ahead of me and I am whining about the fact that I love my dog so much that I don't want to leave him. How lucky am I, really?

So, don't hate, I am coming to grips with it all by myself. With the help of a blog, a new phone (that has an amazing camera inside its sleek self), and a few dogs.

OK, gotta go and create yet another unforgettable walk with B...

Magical Moose

2010-03-02T22:03:00.000+01:00

The Swedes let me belong... Finally!

2010-03-01T21:50:00.005+01:00

Looks like Beefy isn't happy with the recent developments?! ;)

+++

The Swedes are finally officially accepting me as a real person!

How so?

They gave me a personnummer!! Hurray!

That number will basically give me the same rights any Swede has.

Gone are the days where I felt like I was less than due to a "wrong" number in my pseudo-personnummer. As of today (and I already used my privilege at the library) I can simply spell out my number and no longer have to educate people about the samordningsnummer (which I had so far).

Up North is where it's at. Truly.

Good times!

+++

Beefy and I also hiked 3 hours and 20 minutes... mostly in very deep snow.

It was meant to be an hour-or-so walk down to the lake... yeah.

Most of it was glorious... some painful though.

+++

Under other news:

I may have decided to take the troubled boy to Belize!

Does anybody know Belize? My choice is largely based on the fact that the people there speak English... I figured it may be better to keep things simple for once...
Versus feeling the need to improve my Spanish while learning Swedish.

So, things are happening.

And yeah, I anticipate to keep that smile on my face for a while...

Central America - here I come!!

2010-02-27T20:17:00.007+01:00

Wow.

I just sealed the following deal:

Drive south, hug the Beef, leave with N & N.

Travel to US (Montana) to hug a friend and to meet teenage boy on farm.

Take boy, travel to Central America (exact location to be determined by yours truly).

Backpack for about a week, successfully reach goal of challenge (created by yours truly).

Return to Montana, do farm-y stuff with boy (also, food bank, fitness center, animal care).

Warmly welcome back friend (who owns farm) after her trip to Peru.

(Possibly take a quick trip to hug friends in Oregon).

Come back to farm, get some new client backpacking.

(Possibly take a quick trip to hug friends in Oregon) - only once though.

Return to Sweden.

Hug the Beef.

Start own business in Sweden.

Have I mentioned that life is incredible? Wow-ser.

On Fire!

2010-02-26T11:09:00.000+01:00

Wow! Where to start?

OK, let's do this first:

You may actually want to get a cup of coffee to read this post. I have a feeling it's going to be somewhat lengthy... just saying! ;)

+++

So, things are falling into place like never before since Beefy and I laid eyes upon our new home.

You know... I haven't even really started falling in love with my car Trusty yet - mostly because soooo much other stuff is happening. Usually my life only features a couple of highlights a week. This past week... well... I am actually writing this to find out just how many good things have happened... I LOST TRACK!?! Awesomeness.

The goodness started when I last wrote... about the fireplace and stuff. Here a couple of pics to share the beauty:

See, I'm not only asking you to drink coffee... I'm leading by example!

Here a pic of my loves... (Buford, the woodpile - which is loved by Buford also, olive oil, blood oranges, "alive" basil, sunlight in my kitchen.... :)....):

So, yeah... let me go back a little. Despite Buford and I's efforts of warming the house we had the pipes freeze a couple of nights ago. The coldest night yet at -30 did it. I was able to unfreeze the ones for the kitchen within a day but am still without water in the bathroom. Showers? For losers... - Stinky? Me. (Only that I take cat showers at the kitchen sink... good thing I have no immediate neighbors). And you know what? I LOVE IT. Cause it forces me to get to know the house better. And learn. And learn I do a lot.

I also secured my weekend job in the meanwhile. Tomorrow is my first day. Ahhhh... income. My job will be to travel around the area in a team and checking vacation houses in between tourists leaving and new ones arriving. Mr. Moose said that it's an excellent way to study interior design (maybe therewith hinting that I need to do some loving to my house). We will see. I like that I get to travel about the ski town parts of my new home... and have I mentioned that I will have an income?

Additionally, I went to town (3,500 inhabitants... cute, no?) this week to meet with some officials. I wanted to see if I can get into the system more and... for example... finally get the free Swedish courses through SFI (Svenska for invandare) that I was promised almost a year ago. And a personnummer. So I can be seen as a person. And guess, what?! I was able to go through the process of applying without needing to resort to tears, fists, or any other power tool. They just took it in and said it will be taken care of. Up North, you're my hero!

I also met with Arbetsformedlingen... they don't only help people get jobs, they also support people who start their own business. Which is... ME!... in case you forgot. (I sometimes do). And I learned that I will get financial support from them as soon as I have registered my company. Not a lot, mind you, but close to what one would get as an existenzminimum - for 6 months! FREE MONEY!! For me! And just as I was typing away here I got a phone call from a lady that will help me set up my business plan and such. That service is for free here in Sweden, too. I think the door to Sweden has finally opened itself to me... :)

And - and this is probably the most exiting piece so far: I may already have my first client!!!! I have been contacted by the woman who is the lead therapist on the TV show that I was part of again (which is airing now and leads to lots of FB friending attempts by strangers, emails, and a soon to be published interview in Blick.ch by yours truly). She asked me if I could take in one of the boys she works with (in the US) for a few weeks at the end of March into April. Or if I wanted to go travel in Central America with him... The most recent development is... sit down and wait with that next sip of coffee - I may get the boy to come live with me here for 2-3 weeks [perfect opportunity for me to fine-tune my future business while playing] AND THEN BRING THE BOY BACK TO THE STATES AND STAY A LITTLE!!! Who knows what all this is going to lead to?! First and foremost to some income to yours truly again.... but also experience.... credibility here in the commune... really important networking... seeing my friend again... getting to experience her business - that looks much like what I am building towards... maybe even a mini-trip from Montana to Oregon???... OK... gotta stop dreaming and wait for reality information. But, now that you can drink coffee again... wanna also spend some time crossing your fingers for me?

Have I mentioned that Beefy has taken on the job to warm my butt while I write this? Teamwork par excellence!

What else?

It's snowing outside... a lot. I have started to park Trusty up at the road so I won't have to fret about driving up my driveway. It's a short one anyways... but, you know... I'd rather not have to be rescued more than once a day.

Becoming a redneck has never sounded this good to me... ;)

Oh, and Sweet Shoulders wants to meet up to ski with B and I on the weekend of week 12 (they ALWAYS count weeks here... wonder how they do it?!).

Oh, and I'll go to yoga for the first time on Monday. Not the first time ever... but the first time Up North. I sure hope the room will be heated well. Otherwise I'll have to bring Beefy to warm my butt while I... I'm in the triangle pose... (I bet he can pull it off somehow).

OK... all yoga-esque I'll take a deep breath now and slowly back away from the computer to let you - savor my news - and then go on with your day.

Thanks for your part in all this... and take care.

Here and Now has never been this exciting!!

2010-02-21T18:43:00.007+01:00

Since we arrived Up North, Beefy does either this:

The little guy destroying the even littler guys - with much gusto!

Or that:

Notice how he actually ear-snuggles the radiator...
... that's a hint, for what it's been like SO FAR.

+++

Yup, Buford is either playing to stay warm... or curling up near the heat source to stay warm (at night that's me). It's cold up here... -20 degrees Celsius during the day.. and -27 degree Celsius right now. That's cold. Really cold.

The snow that's falling is microscopically small. Magical really. Crazily the cold is what keeps me from riding that stuff... am worried that Beefy will freeze to death waiting in the car for me to do some runs... or freeze off his little paws coming along... or die of worry if I leave him home alone. We just arrived after all. Plus... I kinda don't know where to go either. I'm the new kid on the block. Or... the road. Cause there aren't blocks here... that's why I moved here. :)

+++

I spent my first day here meeting with some folks from the addiction center, getting further encouragement to follow through with my plans... and then the next getting my stuff moved from the car into the house. Looking back I think I was a bit in a daze... I may still be in it, actually.

Arriving here and getting settled into "my house" is quite the trip for my mind. It means that I'm finally in the place I have dreamed of for.... ever. I'm in a place where I can start growing roots... building community... a business... a home... all of it. No more... once I am "there" I can do such and such. But: Here and Now. Period.

Scary... and exciting. Until today I was still a little hung up on some stuff... like: Not being able to use the wood stove in my house. That was a big deal to me... not knowing what it would end up costing to heat the house via radiators... (my answer to that was to turn all of them off - minus the ones in the kitchen and declare the kitchen my living zone). I also started to have worries creep back in related to income... where will it come from? To my defense I gotta say though that I dealt with those worries quite beautifully. Bought some healthy food and started my simple life right by making good meals from scratch right away... :) - can you say: fresh basil? Brussel sprouts? ---- Nice job.

Today things changed around another 180 degrees.

Mr. Moose came for a visit. On his snowmobile. Obviously... that's how he likes to travel.

And this is what he brought into my life:

- The OK to use the wood stove... and therewith making my house perfect.
- The info that the shed is full of wood. Yay!
- Warmth and comfort (see above... 10 degrees difference - now it's 20).
- My first job! Working two days a week will magically put me into a financially relaxed place...

Can you believe it?

What that all means is that my recent choices of moving Up North have led to some significant and important changes in my life...

... within the last week I have added the following elements to my life:

- A beautiful house for Beefy and I (OK, it may not be BEAUTIFUL yet...)
- A (t)rusty car :)
- A job (first one after living here for 6 months)
- Been asked to give an interview to Switzerland's biggest newspaper
- Received fan mail ;)
- Moved to a place where I can ski and snowboard
- Reached a place to realize my dreams... like... NOW
- Found new people to support my visions
- Become neighbors with three tame moose

Doesn't that FRIGGIN' ROCK??!!!! It basically means that my ballsy move already has paid off...

I think it's all thanks to the Beef... but don't tell him, otherwise he'll request more food... ;)

Finally: Up North.

2010-02-19T20:26:00.004+01:00

This is what Buford did all day yesterday:

How can one not adore the little bugger? :)

+++

And now... ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present:

Our (new old) car... and our house Up North!!!

Can you believe the Swedish flag???

And now, if you could excuse me...: I got a house to clean and cozy up!!

Surviving...

2010-02-18T08:09:00.003+01:00

Beefy and I bought our Volvo alternative yesterday (cute white Volvo 245 with some rusty decor... and fully functioning!). We are minutes from driving Up North. Yesterday I was on prime-time television in Germany. I got 7 friend requests and several messages (from strangers) on Facebook during the episode and afterward. Crazy.

Wish us a good trip. Next time you hear from us we will know our new home and be neighboring the moose (or else...).

Here's to a lucky day to all of us!!

Post 100: Evaluation Time...!

2010-02-15T15:22:00.006+01:00

This is post # 100. (Don't mind the couple of draft posts in my dashboard).

It's time to evaluate how things are going.

(In reality this post is meant to distract me from the pain that I feel/felt in my belly when I learned that I bought a lemon instead of a reliable beautiful car last week). This could have easily become a hate post. But thanks to my optimistic disposition I'll turn it into something else. What...? No idea. Please, stay with me while I find out.

I have lived in Sweden for approximately 6 months now (June and July partially, and then from mid October till now). During this time I have:

- Lived with a family that I didn't know prior.
- Learned a little Swedish.
- Lost a job that I had moved for that I really never even got.
- Got an apartment.
- Let go of an apartment.
- Moved Beefy here.
- Learned that it is INSANE to move to Sweden (some days at least).
- Appreciated the beauty of the forests, lakes, and the sea in Southern Sweden.
- Swam in many lakes and different places in the sea.
- Taken bike trips.
- Taken daily walks with Buford.
- Bought a car.. ahem lemon.
- Visited Up North.
- Returned a car after threatening the shithead who sold it to me. Voodoo anyone?
- Decided to move - Up North.
- Snowboarded once.... what the ...?!?!
- Telemark-skied only on ridiculously flat terrain (lame, inefficient version of x-country skiing).
- Seen one wild moose and fed three tame ones.
- Couch-surfed mucho.
- Made a few very good friends.
- Lost one very good friend (ouch!!).
- Taken hundreds of photos of my rock.
- Had a grand total of 11,000 SEK of income (from Sweden that is)... that's a joke, people... = approximately 1,400 USD... divided onto 6 months... (stomach flutter pain returns).

Yesterday I caught myself thinking "maybe I should leave now"... - cause particularly looking at my "income" makes me cringe... and my luck with apartments, jobs, and cars doesn't help. I also told N & N under tears that I hate "bringing all that badness into their life". That's how I felt. It's not fun. And still... (you can call me crazy now): I'm not giving up. I think there is something waiting for me Up North. Something powerful that will make all this... stuff... worth it. I believe that I am just working my way into the place that I belong. I gotta say though: It would really help my self-confidence and my trust in life to have some sort of success sometimes soon. How can one capable courageous woman continuously be discouraged by the environment? How long does one last? Or better, how long do I last...? And, will it get easier?

I think I'll have to drink that Mirror Pond beer tonight that my friends sent me for Christmas. Not in despair - I almost did that yesterday after learning about the lemon - but in... well.. in a grounding sort of way. I guess I could celebrate 100 blog posts as well as having Beefy and N & N in my life? [In case you haven't noticed, this is your friendly cue to tell me that yes, I should indeed drink a wonderful beer from the Pacific Northwest tonight].

Beefy Panify at his Best!

2010-02-11T17:08:00.003+01:00

This post is dedicated to my rock.

Bliss...

Loyalty (not only to the ball).

Finding beauty.

Sincerely... wanna play some, mama?

It's a boy!!

2010-02-10T09:05:00.006+01:00

Yes, I did...

... get a car.

Around midnight.

Clearly, it's a boy.

Bought it from a farmer's boy.

It's a Turbo... (environment, please forgive me).

But, it's offering me:

And it allows Beefy and I to move Up North.

And take care of stuff...

Like, checking on stugas on Saturdays (our first side-job Up North).

He's pretty in a subtle way, no?

He's born in 1994.

He's a Volvo 945.

Automatic.

He even has a hitch!

And we got Thule bars with it.

Just a little rust.

And lots of space.

For adventures...

Like sleep ins :)

Next up:
-Insurance shopping
-Registering him in my name
- Cleaning him, packing
- Finding a suitable name.

Lim(b)o.

2010-02-08T15:23:00.009+01:00

I've been hiding.

I'm trying to stop that. It's not helpful.

I don't really know what's going on... here's the objective (ha! whom am I kidding??) update:

Car: I'm in contact with a guy who will likely sell me his Volvo 245. I've test-driven it... I've overcome my reservations about some rust, and I love it's classy style. I also love that every Swede who hears about my intention of buying it says something like this: "... a Volvo? You're going to have NO problem getting it fixed for cheap if necessary"... or... "a Volvo? It's the most reliable vehicle you can get! Go for it!"... or... "some rust? Hey, that's normal... but the engine will run FOREVER!". So, now the seller just needs to get his shit together and fix the stuff he said he was gonna and.... let go of my car. He's a human though who has his dad in the ICU due to a stroke and as a result is insanely busy and keeps postponing the deal. Cannot wait to get started on cleaning it out and readying it for the trip Up North! (Well, at least I cannot wait to lay my hands onto my hopefully-soon-acquired freedom-bil!!).

House: I keep hearing funny stuff about my future house. Like, apparently there is a motorcycle in the bathtub... or was it a shower? Anywho, it sounds like I will get to put some work in "making it mine" (=cleaning and cozying it up). But that's the funnest part anyways, no? I totally daydream about arriving up there... and becoming a part of a comedy of sorts. What I envision is me arriving and there being no... driveway... cause as a house-renter one probably has to do ones own shoveling and stuff, huh? Particularly if there isn't another house on the road (which is very likely). Next up, burying a way into the house and then checking if there is any wood and/or electricity. Mr. Moose actually told me that he was going to have people clean it up a bit and put lights and carpets in (am not a carpet fan but am letting them do what they want... I can always move stuff, right? There may be a good reason for carpet...). He also offered to make a snowmobile track between our houses so that Beefy and I can go visit the moose without troubles.... is this his way of telling me that I am now moose responsible?? OK with me. So, long story short: I think it will be fun to make it there and start to figure these things out... and still, something is keeping me stalling instead of shoving me towards the leap...

Job: In the meanwhile I have attempted to make some connections Up There... turns out that I really need to be there to make any movement. But I have sent an email to some role models of mine that are looking for a co-editor for a book in International Adventure Therapy. I didn't really apply... mostly just let them know that I exist. Cause, you know... I would die to be part of a community that develops this field internationally. Would be nice to not be so isolated in that task. By the way, Yxbacken and the refugee application have been quite the disappointment. I never even heard back of the refugee place (which is truly shocking to me) and have gotten really lame interactions from Yxbacken. Thinking about that stuff I am getting really eager to leap.
I'm also going to be on German TV in a good week. Prime-time Wednesday evenings for quite a few weeks. Kinda crazy... I am going back and forth being really excited about it and scared shitless.
Overall I can say that I am feeling encouraged in my decision to move closer into the wild. A large part of me is needing that kind of environment and I am getting positive signals from all over about the move. I really just need to do it, huh?

Friends: I've been thinking a lot about friends recently. I have lost friends before... and it just happened again. In part due to my decision making. I hate it when it feels as if I cannot offer myself integrity and keep friends. I guess with healthy friends it should be possible. Sorry to be somewhat cryptic, but I don't know how to do it better. Fact is that I have few people in my Swedish environment that I consider friends, which, on occasion leads to me feeling lonely. You cannot imagine how much I long to have a catch up with a friend that I have known more than a few months. I long to "let go" of my burden of being here the way I am. Moving away from the South hurts a bit cause I have found a few people here that are important to me or are in the process of getting there. Obviously there are more where I am headed. I guess I just wanna acknowledge that my adventures have tough sides to them as well.

Dating: I'm dating Swedes. Yup, that's right... Swedes... not "a Swede". I'm finally "getting out there". And it's surprisingly easy, and fun, and empowering. Love how it shifts my attention from being hilariously professional 24/7 to being more playful. Plus I have never really been one to date and play. Now I am. Kinda overnight (no pun intended here ;)...). It's totally beneficial cause I get to connect with different people and learn about my new country. And it's much more fun when ONE date doesn't mean either heaven or hell. Pssst! ... am still in contact with Sweet Shoulders by the way. He's the sweetest so far. Kinda wish the future distance was smaller.

Buford: B is the best. I cannot even fathom to do this by myself. (This = everything). He's my anchor, my tickle, my sun, my breeze, my laughter, my soul, my tears... Bringing him into my life continues to be the single best thing I have done. Period. It will feel awesome to conquer the world with him in our freedom-bil. We're both tired today... took a 11 km walk earlier. It was glorious.

Now.... could I please get my car and move on?

I think that would help.

Basic Needs.

2010-02-01T14:58:00.003+01:00

I overcame *shitballz!*-day.

Only to reach *hallelujah!*-day today.

I am in the process of e-filing my taxes and am getting a return that allows me to say "YES" to a car! AND Mr. Moose has found a house for me... YES, A HOUSE! It costs just a teeny bit more than half of what I paid in Paradise (for an apartment). *Hallelujah!*. And Beefy and I will live just two houses down from the moose farm.... Yup, we'll have moose neighbors.

Ahhhh, the life... treating me well.

*HALLELUJAH!!!**

* Shitballz! *

2010-01-28T16:50:00.010+01:00

I know, I know. Shitballz isn't that nice of a post title. But, what can I say... it's my word of the day. I've been hearing it inside my head ever since I got woken up by a phone call this morning. Shitballz.. shitballz! .... Shitballz. Like a bad song that I cannot get out of my head. And due to my - at least today - lacking coping skills I can simply not come up with another post title. Shitballz... Even now... hours after having diverted a major disaster the word keeps haunting me eerily. Shitballz. Ouch.

It's been a tough day. (He! You wouldn't have imagined when reading that intro, huh?).

The cold who's butt I meant to kick a week ago has returned full force. My body feels like it should be resting (or be caressed ;)...) but instead it has to function. Cause I am moving all my crap single-handedly out of Paradise. And I have 48 hours left. And I have nowhere to go. [Well, I am going to stop for a little at N & N's, but then...? However, I cannot have a cold there... N cannot be around sick people...] Arrrgh!

On days like these it feels particularly disheartening that I am not even sure how and if I'll create an income for myself Up North. After all I happen to be... eh... kinda in mid-leap! *Shitballz!*

The weather has also decided to add some tickle to my day by being intense. Southern Sweden is at warning level 1 in regards to snow. Parts of Sweden are at level 2. Snow is falling like crazy. The good thing about this is that Beefy makes me laugh when he swim/flies through the fluffiness. The bummer came this morning when the folks from Myrorna called to tell me that they couldn't come and pick up my couch, couch seats, TV, DVD player, two tables, and chair. Cause the weather was too crazy. Could they come in a week? ------------ NOOOOO!! I gotta be out of the apartment by Sunday. It's Thursday. I don't even have a car much less a vehicle/trailer that could get the crap elsewhere (and how does ONE Marlies move the stuff out of the apartment?). [This may have been when shitballz made it's way into my life]. They said they were gonna call back. Yuck!

The other problem was that I didn't know if the couches (who I had taken off my neighbors hands only a couple months ago) were 'good enough' to be donated. Aie!

I'll spare you the details... they ended up coming anyways, loved all the stuff, and took it with them. The relief I felt cannot be put in words. I took a picture...:

Donating stuff has never felt so good.

Still, the stress-filled morning makes me once again painfully aware of how intense my adventure is. When all the doubts and fears creep in, I can barely handle it. I feel very lonely at those times.

Today I had to give myself a few minutes of Beefy hugging and letting the tears flow. That helped. [Just now he got himself comfy near my feet, resting his head on my right foot -- aww.]

Can things please get a bit easier sometimes soon?

And can people I send emails or call please return them? [I am talking about business stuff here, so, please, no friend feel offended. Without you I would only be half the person I am.]

Sweet Shoulders is shredding couloirs in Val d'Isere. That makes me smile a little.

+++

I captured beauty though recently. As always, nature is incredibly stable and nurturing and hope-inducing for me.

B & I can now walk on what I skinny-dipped in only a little while ago.

Best canine companion... ever.

OK, one last time: *Shitballz!!!*

That may have done it.

Take care!

Help me! Car(e)ful or Carless?

2010-01-25T10:12:00.005+01:00

Shut.

I gotta make some decision here quick.

Have to be outta here (Paradise) by January 31st - thank goodness this month has 31 days!!

Don't know where I am going... well, yeah, Up North, but don't have a place to land... yet.

I also don't have a way to move my stuff. Other than my arms and my strong back... yeah.

So, I am thinking about buying a car. Cause moving up there and renting one for the trip is probably half the cost of buying one.

And I want one. One of those Volvo Kombis from the 90s.

I am just a wee-bit scared to spend my money on a car and then struggle to afford rent the second month and/or food... eventually.

Can I please have an income source that I know of... like... now?

Come on, energy in power.... I've moved here initially in June... and haven't had that relief yet.

It doesn't help that my money is on an American account that only gives me access to app. USD 300 a day. Or that I live 12.6 km round trip from the next ATM machine... so maybe I can take a daily walk to the ATM machine in order to have access to the money that I'll need to buy a car - just in case? Nicely done, me. At least B will get exercised.

Something tells me that I'll be making decisions like this one A LOT over the months to come.

Uggh.

+++

Update: Just helped myself. Remembered a really sweet offer (a lady I have met once who works in the prison next to Paradise said I could use her car while she's working when I needed one)... called the lady up and now have access to her car both Thursday and Friday. That means I'll pack and organize the next 3 days... move the 2 after that and clean... and then get mine and Beefy's butt to N & Ns from where I can figure out if I'll buy a car or not for the trip Up North. Ahhh... for solutions. And sweet Swedes.

Spark.

2010-01-22T18:52:00.006+01:00

I am attempting to place both my feet firmly on the ground these days... while I do that I wanna deliver to you reason # 37 why I need to move Up North (do I actually have to convince you anyways?).

Well, reason # 37 is the spark. On the pic below you're seeing sparks (no pun intended here ;) ...) parked (and cabled to) a bike thingy... you know the place where you would attach your bike - if it was summer or something.

They're used much like bikes... to my endless excitement the elderly population seems to make heavy use of them. Aren't they brilliant? I'll attach a Wikipedia link for your Swedish amusement.

I haven't had a chance to try one yet... but it won't be long, I can promise you that much.

+++

Other news today....: In addition to Rhuben (whom I am doggy sitting) and Buford I unknowingly had a third pet under my care these last few days. Earlier today, I was happily finishing up some salad I had bought Up North eight days ago. That's when I saw.... and this is when my vision got blurry for a second... a snail (!) meander onto the rim of my plate. Yikes! This kind of stuff gives me the shivers... I almost ate a living frickin' snail!!! Once I got over the initial shock I shifted into intrigue however - how did the little wo/man make it this far?? I bought the (packaged) salad (don't even think it was organic) during the drive between Stockholm and Up North. I opened it the next day and stored it in the fridge ever since (minus during the drive back two days ago). Then it went back into the fridge in Paradise. And today on my plate. Gulp! What a tough little bugger, huh? Well, I guess s/he had plenty of salad to snack on.

Here's the thing though... I probably killed him/her in the meanwhile. This was not my first "snail in salad" episode, however, usually they happen in summer. When the obvious thing to do is to eat the snail... ahem.. I mean deliver it outside. Several thoughts crossed my troubled mind today... should I: Feed it to the dogs? Put it down the toilet? Put it outside? Smush it with my fork? Yeah... I know - all those options lead essentially to the death of the lil' tough guy/gal. So I did what any reasonable person would do. I asked my community. Via Facebook. And stored him on the balcony (including plate, minus fork) while waiting for responses. The responses took a while... (hey, I could blame the souls who didn't respond pronto!). By now there is a little sample of answers and it sounds like people are voting for a) eating him/her, or b) holding him/her as a pet (terrarium included). I actually haven't checked yet but I believe that I passively chose to kill him by letting nature take its course by moving him into the outside part of my home. Sorry, snail. :(

+++

Dear Lil' Tough Snail (bugger),

I am sorry that I killed you after all you have gone through. I hope that death was quick and painless. I may or may not dream about you. You may or may not be HUGE and SCARY in that (those) dream(s) [Shit!! So much for peace and quite at night]. I promise I will do better next time. In the meanwhile I will do my best to take care of the two dogs that I have on my hands. Really, they're all I can handle in addition to my life being turned upside down once again. I hope you'll understand.

I also hope your life was blissful.

Hey, you're probably one of the farther traveled snails out there! ;)

Don't hate. Please.

Love ya,

Marlies

Buford and his twice-his-sice friend Rhuben.

2010-01-21T16:53:00.004+01:00

Rhuben, Mr. Moose's Rhodesian Ridgeback, is visiting Paradise till Sunday.

Yup, we're back... arrived here last night sometimes shortly before 1 am. We won't stay long though. I got an "out" of my apartment one month early which is wonderful cause it lets me put my money where my heart is... and supports me in taking action quickly.

So, I got 10 days to move out and get organized for the move Up North. Life's a little crazy, no?

In order to distract myself I spent most of today playing with the dogs... as well as walking them and documenting the fun.

Here's some visuals for you:

And tonight... I am off to have date # 3 with Sweet Shoulders.

Later!

Wanted.... Me!!!!! :)

2010-01-19T14:50:00.006+01:00

Dear Instincts That Guided Me Here:

Life is incredible.
Thank you for showing me a place where I can
do my part to spread what I believe in. I promise I will do
my very best.

I'll keep the Beef happy, too.

Best regards,

Marlies

+++

Yup, that's what it feels like since I arrived "Up North".

+++

There's a sweetness to the struggle I experience as I type this... I don't know where to start... so many loose ends to tuck in. Now the desire to share and describe is tugging... I guess I'll just let it flow and see what happens... :)

Snowmobiling... an odd start for a fan of human-powered adventures. And... I had such a blast yesterday "blasting" my machine through wild lands in Central Sweden... always following the track of Mr. Moose. I remember pondering the term boy-toy... does it even exist? Either way - I sincerely enjoyed getting a grip on a powerful machine, racing through snow, failing momentarily, and mostly just being completely awed by the stark beauty of the landscape that we traveled through... I already knew this and yet it was powerful to experience it up close and personal: The wild landscape that I soon get to call my home is the ideal place for a program utilizing nature as its greatest influence.

Mr. Moose with the machines...

Heart tuggins... That's what the reindeer do to me. They tug on my heartstrings. (Wait, what's a heart string?) I wanna live in a place where I happen across these guys at random several times a day (this time of year that is). Not only because B's body is shaking like an aspen leaf in a strong breeze, but also because they sweetly remind me that the world still holds a lot of magic. (Yes, I'll turn in a total cheese ball up here, that much is clear!).

Heartstrings tugger.

Ivan, Inez, and Isa. This sweet little crew is killing me. They're gorgeous, gentle, and inspiring creatures that love human company. And no, not exclusively so when one approaches with bananas or twigs (although they surely love those moments). They actually join you on walks along their fence!! Visualize: Mr. Moose, Yours Truly, Rheuben (Mr. M's huge Rhodesian Ridgeback), and Beefy walking the fence on the outside.... with Inez, Isa, and Ivan frolicking along inside. It's a rush and a blessing at the same time. Once Ivan looses his antlers one can do the same inside the fence... Once I am back here I'll spend some quality time taking real good pics of them. This time around even I was too mesmerized to take the time in doing so. Can you believe it?

While that's all exciting... here's the real stuff:

I've had the pleasure of brainstorming and networking at Mr. Moose's side for the past week. Doing so I have enjoyed incredible views, inspiring conversations, and meeting wonderful people. As of right now I am committed to do the following:

Move Up North as pronto as I can (I'll keep calling it that despite Sveg being in Central Sweden... after all it's part of Norrland... and everything North of Stockholm is considered North by any Swede).

Create a livable scenario for Buford and I for the time between now and approximately May. (* see exciting opportunities below)

Start my own business on a small scale by May. Yup, you heard it right... I am finally going to let go of the chicken that I continue to house somewhere within me and do what I do best... Stop Waiting. I got a whole community standing behind me, funding just waiting for me, and youth with desperate needs.

* Now that I am invigorated with change and hope and excitement... my creativity is flowing over. This week I had several dialogues with important community members who are eager to support me in setting up my new life up here. A couple of days ago I met a guy who's responsible to give funds to desirable business ventures who basically told me that with my kinds of skills and ideas I'll get a 30,000 USD starter donation as soon as May 2010!!! Yesterday evening I met the responsible person of the social health sector (responsible for people struggling with addictions). We clicked and she gave me a big "thumbs up" for proceeding with my plan to create a temporary home for youth. She will inquire with the people in power if the community will pay me for doing mentoring work with youth between now and May. The idea here is to get me started in earning trust within the greater community, helping youth as soon as possible (there is NOTHING for them in place.. NOTHING!!), and getting me a little island to stand on. If this works out I would be hired for a 3-month period to meet 1:1 with maybe 6 youth on a regular basis to do anything from drinking coffee to going out backpacking (according to the youths interests and needs). Obviously that would also allow me access to much needed Swedish courses and getting a more thorough understanding of the place and its opportunities and challenges. All-the-while I could focus on applying for funds for my business to be... figure out location, business-y stuff, etc.

Today, feeling quite elated after last night... I searched the net some in regards to other initial opportunities for me and found in the process that this community is basically screaming for people like me to move here. They have free business courses for people up to 35 years old... and highlight that they are particularly interested in female entrepreneurs. When checking the local Arbetsformedlingen homepage, I found that there is a project going that entices people from the EU to move here. As a German passport holder, I fall into that category as well which makes me highly desirable for the area. (Which is were I got the brain fart of creating a Wanted Sign for this blogpost... - aka: Having a dog that needs walks and too much brain juices being activated).

Being the Go Getter I currently I am, I immediately went to the Arbetsformedlingen to set up an appointment. Sounds like those guys may even give me funds to keep alive between now and then. Crazy, huh? The thing is... all of Sweden is generally set up the same way. But when I attempted to take all the steps I am currently taking here back in the south... they only had frustrating results because the area is overflowing with all kinds of immigrants and the professional environment is significantly less suited for my kinds of skills. Hence, not moving here would be suicidal. Well,... you're getting my point, right?

So, Beefy and I are shifting back to Go Getter Style living.

We're stoked.. and we will do our best to keep you posted on our progress.

Love,

Me and B

Still no Moose Pics....! But there may be a Billion in the Future.

2010-01-17T18:02:00.007+01:00

First, a couple of impressions of "Up North". Then, some news that still scare the @#$bleep%^& out of me.

A street in Sveg... not all of it is this idyllic, but it's there.

River Ljusnan... funny thing for Bendites: Sveg actually means "sway" or "bend" in the river...

Cars are getting juju to be able to start as desired by the owner.

The cottage that B and I call home this week.

Yes, that cloudy-looking shape is a mountain... 'nuff said.

+++

And here it comes:

B and I are going to move here.

More later...

Gotta cure a cold and snowmobile some.

Speechless.

2010-01-13T18:44:00.003+01:00

The last 24 hours were some of the most nurturing for my soul in my life.

It's one of those moments where I re-track choices I have made over the last weeks, months, and years, and wonder if I possibly may have known all along where they were gonna lead me... - here and now.

I am totally blown away.

I wanna connect with people and share. Wanna call someone up (ha! the phone rang the very second I wrote this... it was my landlord though, whom I had told about the weapon - so no child is going to find it and injure him/herself or someone else... - not to speak of the fact that Paradise is right next to a prison!! - but of course I couldn't utilize that contact to share what's happening here and now) to dissect what I saw and felt today... so I can see and feel it again, from a new angle.

So, what is it that rocks my world...?

- I got to touch moose today... and feed them bananas.
- I was driven around a magical landscape that is decorated with crystals...
- I saw Swedish mountains...
- I got to watch a frickin' reindeer herd right outside the car (B shook like an addict during withdrawal when I made him aware of the beauty, ha!).
- I felt and heard snow krack and crumble under my feet (it's -25 degrees here).
- I saw the most beautiful sky turn all kinds of colors.
- I am offered to start my own business in the midst of this - actual - paradise... where everything that's needed is present.

All I have to do... is stop waiting.

Stop Waiting is the title of an essay of mine that has been published a few years ago. I'll share it here to help me with my speechlessness, as well as to kick the nay-sayer within myself in the butt... hard.

That's all for now. I gotta do some savoring... Over & Out.

+++

Stop Waiting

Nobody and nothing will keep me from experiencing happiness and success. Yet my vision of completeness is not described by the presence of the two. I feel an equal need to touch sadness and failure to learn about my truth. To move towards it is beautifully simple: I just have to stop waiting.

I was waiting until I was twenty-one, and I did not even know it. Sure, I had a life, some ups and downs, good days and not so treasured ones. What I did not have at the time was my own dream, a goal to aspire to that held true meaning to me. My aspirations were the result of my environment's filters, marked by seemingly insurmountable walls on both sides, leaving me a path that started out relatively narrow; widening proportionally with time. I did not question its limitations. Conditional dreaming.

Then I met this kid. He was only nineteen at the time. He dreamed bigger than I. His destination was the world. His options the universe. He asked me to come along. I could not. For I had waited to dream fully, and was not able to take steps towards realization. He sparked a fire within me. I carefully started to stretch my horizon. Engaged in conversations with strangers. Walked to unknown places. Allowed myself to fall into a deep sea of inspiration. Guided by nature, people, and my inner voice. A dream evolved.

Seven years later I walk outside the boundaries of my earlier years. My destination is reshaping daily; it is being bent, stretched, squashed, and keeps unfolding. I invite transformation into my life. And I trust my inner voice whether to stop, look back, take a breather, or blissfully leap forward.

Now is the time to stop waiting again. I have become comfortable dreaming and nurturing my vision. I can remove my safety blanket now and step out into the open. I am willing to hold on to the hands that are being offered in support. Ready to reconnect with the environment I previously pushed away. For my vision is to break down the limitations. I am hungry to see more shining eyes. Hear fewer sighs of despair. Encounter more laughter, and more tears. I want to stand into the center of the fire with the hurt ones, the discouraged, the strugglers. Sense and tolerate their fear, anger, and insecurity. So they can make choices whether to hold on or let go. And maybe find that their boundaries are as much a result of perception as mine were. So we can experience more than conditional freedom. I have a plan on how to get us there.

All I have to do is to stop waiting.

Ups-y Daisy...!

2010-01-11T17:16:00.003+01:00

I found a weapon in Paradise the other day. Don't know if its real. Took photos... will keep you posted.

Also just got a phone call from Yxbacken asking me if I could come to tonight's board meeting to meet... well, the board. And talk about myself.

Good thing I got a new haircut today, new jeans, belt, and top. Now I can rock the world (it's all about clothing, isn't it?) [if you know me you know that that's the biggest lie that has been written on this blog - and the only... I think].

So... within the 24 hours of my trip to Mr. Moose I get to kick ass at a meeting tonight. Great.

Gotta go...! :)

PS: And, yes, I really did find a weapon. In the window of the earth cellar I posted here.... What now?

Taking a Leap... Again.

2010-01-10T11:32:00.005+01:00

I feel as if I am entering a major transition.

So much can happen over the next few days.

I long for a change from my stagnate, yet blissful days with B in Paradise.

My visit of Mr. Moose moves closer and closer.

He shows tons of foresight and takes care of everything but "you decide if you wanna bring your skis, but certainly bring your dog :)". Will this trip be the beginning of a new life phase for me?

One where I can actually... 1) Learn Swedish, 2) create a home for Buford and I, 3) grow roots?

I am giddy and full of joy and anticipation.

Today marks B and I's last day in Paradise... for a while.

We're about to take our last long walk, and are in the midst of packing.

Packing is such a wonderful activity to me. Full of thoughts, full of promise, full of wonder.

I've been packing for a while. In all kinds of ways.

How will this story evolve?

Will B and I find what we're looking for?

What am I looking for?

+ Grounded, authentic people with goals that support mine
+ Landscape that continually inspires me
+ A sustainable, challenging, rewarding job opportunity
+ A refuge of sorts (simple is OK... I've enjoyed my trusty van "Shark" before)
+ Opportunities to learn and grow

What is B looking for?

+ Regular feeding times (or more)
+ Long walks (or more)
+ Play time (all-the-time)
+ Moose friends (if they're nice)
+ Snacks that aren't locked in a box (please?)

Next step: Walk. Dream. Ponder.

Do you believe in self-fulfilling prophecies?

Earth Cellars (for Andrea)

2010-01-09T17:20:00.005+01:00

Since my arrival in Sweden I have stumbled over some interesting stuff.

One intrigue of mine are what I think of as earth cellars... According to a quick www research they are also called root cellars. Here's the one we have in Paradise:

Sadly it's not in use.

+++

However, the next two (which I found on yesterday's walk) are... how do I know? There were tracks to each of their doors (and no, they weren't either B or mine).

Aren't they lovely?

And they can be found EVERYWHERE.

I have even entered one before... and this was in northern Stockholm. And it was in use.

Yup, Swedes do sweet stuff such as putting their veggies and fruit and cans and other perishables into earthy lil' wonders.

I kinda wanna live in one for a while.

Talk about being grounded... but no windows :(.

I may just opt for a stuga :).

Why Getting B Out Kicks A#$%& in Sverige..

2010-01-08T16:06:00.009+01:00

Cause he smiles whenever he comes back from a run...:

Cause there is beauty in the least expected places....:

Cause you can move freely on the land... Swedes called this right allemansrätten.

Cause there are mirrors to inspire you and remind you that you're a part of it...:

And cause it can happen that you find a perfect route to actually get groceries via ski just by accident... (today's exploration led us magnificently into view of town - all on minimally used paths!).

Completely, Utterly... Obsessed with "The North".

2010-01-07T15:38:00.005+01:00

Isn't this stunning? To me this looks like a letter... :)

Yup, that's me: Helplessly fascinated with all that's harsh, cold, and stunning. In my mind also called - "The North".

Most recently my fascination led me to research the sunrise and sunset times up in Sveg (where I'll be next week, ya-ay!) compared to what's happening down here. Sounds like those 572 km make quite the difference. How can I be so excited about my daylight getting shorter in the near future?

Here's the stats:

Today's sunrise in Paradise: 8:42
Today's sunrise in Sveg: 9:20

Today's sunset in Paradise: 15:22 (may as well adapt to our way of reading the time)
Today's sunset in Sveg: 14:58

+++

Good times.

B and I were separated for a couple of hours for the first time in forever yesterday. Felt kind of good, actually. I think it's about time for us to not be Velcro-ed to one another every single minute of every single day. I love him even more with a little bit of time apart... :)

Gotta admit though, that I felt a bit stir-crazy a couple of days ago. It clearly becomes time for me to mingle a bit with people and get myself involved in some work somewhere.

My lil' dating streak is therefore all the more welcome. Yesterday's B and I going-separate-ways-for-a-little was related to such an activity, as was getting groceries (ha! multitasking me, huh?), having Sweet Shoulder company, and making and enjoying an incredible meal. Maybe I should add here that "Sweet Shoulders" comes from up North?? (However, twice as far up north - 1067km from my couch - as what I am visiting... this country is seriously loooooong = endless opportunities for me). Whenever he says "up north" with his Swedish accent I melt a little... --- Had to check his hometown's sunrise and sunset data (I never said I wasn't obsessed, right? Today, they were as follows: Sunrise 9:45; sunset 13:34!). Crazy stuff... but breathe easy, reader: Cause tomorrow is a whopping 5 minutes longer up there... ;)

+++

So, what's actually happening in Paradise?

Not too much... reading, coffee enjoyment, stuyding svenska (yup, I am aware that this post is in English, hushhh!), walks with the B, enjoying the new groceries, connecting with friends and family via email and chats, and mentally preparing for my business trip to Mr. Moose in 5 (!!) days.

And dreaming about skiing. Look at this beauty, for example... doesn't this slope just scream for some lines??

Actually, it doesn't. It's a pile of pebbles a few kilometers away from the house. Not much riding there.... but tons of dreaming! :)

Trip Report

2010-01-05T16:11:00.003+01:00

Hmmmm...

Date: 1/5/10 (10!!)
Plan: Buy groceries
Approach: Studying google maps. Getting ready. Givin' it a try!
Result: No groceries, (very) cold buns, dog limping early, good views. Movie!

Found a Coffee Place... and an Ice Climb.

2010-01-05T11:33:00.009+01:00

Yesterday's visit of my neighborhood village (across the Braviken) introduced me to all kinds of fun. For instance: I am now aware of the fact that I can go drink a cup of coffee with others.. by merely doing the following simple steps:

1. Gear up with winter clothing.
2. Take deep breath.
3. Call B (actually, he's ready the minute I even consider leaving the house).
4. Grab essentials (water, leash, booties, poop bag, survival snack).
5. Leave house (make sure that the boss leaves first).
6. Walk towards the ferry - choose the acres this time.
7. Start running after checking the time.
8. Have a literal 'run in' on the ferry right before it leaves.
9. Leash the B after arriving on board.
10. Nod thankfully up to the ferry gods :)
11. Turn into an icicle during the 2 minutes ride.
12. Walk past the boat storage place (where Mr. Moose's Atlantic rowing boat is stored).
13. Arrive in Kvarsebo "down town".
14. Find the coffee place.
15. Realize that it's closed.

Time frame for all this? A mere hour or so.
Plan? Come back when it's open.

B & I spontaneously decided to climb the mountain behind the coffee shop. After climbing past the section below, the boss (that would be me) decided it was too risky to proceed. There were ice sheets all over. I was writing headlines in my head (is that why they are called headlines??): "Stupid Tourist and her Cute Dog fell to Death during Monday Exploration of the Neighborhood", or "Send the Swiss Home: Tragedy on the Mountain", you get the drift...

We did find a trail after all (cause we're not giving up when there is a "utkik" for grabs).

"And where is the food, mama?"

On the way back I decided to film the progression of the ice from the ferry. The video doesn't only star Beefy, but also my glove. Cool, huh?

And today... we're going grocery shopping. By ski. Thinking about future headlines: "Silly Swiss didn't know where to Park cute Dog and Skis - Deported"... or "When will it end? Swiss having too much Fun in Sweden".

Make yourself giggle today!!

Late Night Snap Shot.

2010-01-03T23:46:00.007+01:00

I'm tickled by life.

Feels wonderful.

+++

Here's why:

My trip up north visiting Mr. Moose (thanks for the new and improved name, Andrea!) gets better and better. For one, it's longer - thanks to the increasingly wonderful Mr. Moose who will pick Beefy and I up in Stockholm on the 12th already - as the bus doesn't allow dogs to travel along (normally, public transportation in Sweden is animal friendly). Meaning: Our visit will be 8 days long... aww.. cottage, snowmobile and future work opportunities, here we come!

For two, Mr. Moose and I are now talking about utilizing the moose farm as an integral part of a rehab program for youth!!!! Recognizing the energy Mr. Moose puts into me, I'll do what I consider 'my part for now' and seriously buckle down with my Swedish improvement over the coming 10 days. I may go as far as writing this blog in Swedish, just for practice... stay tuned!

***

Online Dating - my first date today was really wonderful. I think I won't drag a whole lot of that stuff onto here - but I'll offer a mini insight that may strike you as funny (as it did me.....)

Envision this...: Several hours into talking, exploring Paradise with B, at home after having finished a meal... me sitting (don't know how I got there) on the kitchen cupboard - sweet guy just about to give me a lil' peck-in... I observe B over a nicely shaped shoulder (who's playing with "Ird" to enjoy his part of the deal) chew delightedly on the actual squeaker that used to be inside "Ird's" padded belly... = MAJOR CHOKING HAZARD!! ...yours truly interrupted her own exciting playtime, hopped off the cupboard, muttered an excuse (probably in that order), fingered the squeaky out of B's snout, returned, and proceeded.... with the grown up game.

Interacting with another human being (who didn't already love and adore me for my - or despite - my crazy lifestyle) also made me blatantly aware of me being less.... lets just say, "a little different". Glad the possessor of the nicely shaped shoulder could handle it and maybe even get excited about it.

***

My dog... I love my dog. What? That's nothing new to you? Well, it's part of this snapshot anyways. It's my blog after all ;).

And - maybe more importantly: Thanks to improving snow- and paw conditions, Beefy got to frolic along today WITHOUT BOOTIES AND OFF LEASH! - Needless to say: Bouncy flurries all around. (Also: The current snow would be SICK skiing... if only there were hills here!!).

***

My friends... I love my friends. Here's to community, technology which allows us to stay or get connected ;) , and health, and movement, and late-night-text messages (wait..., I may have a harder time than I thought to keep the sweet shoulder out of here...).

***

Intentions for 2010. I started an account with 43 Things in October (where did I hear about this? Maybe through LSL? definitively a good blog... so it may as well have been hers...). A recent interaction with lovely Andrea made me reconnect with that tool. I am now working on creating a list of 43 Things that I seriously want to put effort into. If you wanna "cheer me on" or just visit, feel free to do so at my profile New Roots on said site. Still working on the list and eager to make it realistic and meaningful.

***

Snapshot: Check. (Good thing... it's half past midnight). Later, alligator.

Pinch Me, Please!!

2010-01-01T22:58:00.007+01:00

Nope, this isn't a follow up about my dating development.

It's about the moose guy.

Guess what he just made my day with?

This (excerpts from the latest email I got):

"constantly looking for different kinds of solutions"... "Ive spoken to a lot of people and they are all giving the same response: That we need "something" for the youth and the older... so from my horizon everything looks good." ... "Here they are looking for 2 different solutions for the younger people, one where there's a kind of home for the ones that are in serious needs, and second were they still can live at home but be connected to the youth project." "Ive arranged for a cottage for you, and also a snowmobile. So we can move around and you can get a feeling for the nature and so on. We are also going to meet the people that are holding "the checkbook"..the ones that will decide if we are the right kind of people to do this."

Did you get this???? Not only are the people up north needing my skills for sweet projects... but also did he organize a cottage for me to stay in and a (!) snowmobile!!!! --- Sounds indeed like he's moving mountains for me up there.

+++

Now, I am not sure that I can handle all that new development in just the first day of 2010.

I'll keep you posted.

Hoppla!

2010-01-01T19:45:00.003+01:00

I think I am online dating now.

It feels that way.

Once I have let go of my funny emotions around that I may talk about it here.

Just this for now: On Sunday, B and I will have company for our walk :).

B Sporting Safety Gear.

2009-12-31T18:56:00.003+01:00

I bet you worried if B was safe while out there playing today, no?

No need to worry, we got it all covered over here:

Yup, we now have one of those extend-able leashes that old ladies have (my own stereotype - busted!! unless you think of 32 year old me as old...). It works great when I want to let Beefy roam but not quite enough to get away with loosing another booty.

While I think it looks kinda cute I still hope for changing snow conditions... until then, we play wildly inside with remnants of the "ird".

Is it just me or does he look like he has a hangover?
~ And it's not even midnight yet (4 hours 59 to go).

+++

Best wishes to all for 2010 from Paradise...

from

Buford and Marlies

An Ice Wonder, and B, and... Ird.

2009-12-30T16:34:00.006+01:00

I filmed B and I's trip over the Braviken Sea yesterday.

Love the sounds of the ice pieces klink-ing on one another (which you may or may not hear over the ferry motor...). The weather continues to be wonderful. One can only hope that it stays that way for New Years. Has everyone heard about the Blue Moon that we get to experience? B and I will celebrate New Years by ourselves, so we are stoked that we'll get the company of Blue Moon in Paradise :).

+++

I gave B a bird for X-mas. By now, the bird has turned into Ird... See for yourself:

Also: We need a couple paws and fingers crossed... B's paw pads are not fairing so well with the icy snow around here. He's got tiny cracks in his pads that we (actually, he doesn't care - yet!) try to keep from busting... Yesterday we lost two Ruffwear booties to the ice :( --- today's hike happened with vet-wrapped feet for one of us. We're still in the green zone but I wonder how long we can keep the paws together... last year one of his pads busted and cost me over 300 $ to fix... as well as a tough time of not moving much... plus we had to leave a great ski trip early. Gotta keep the paws together... Wish us luck!!

HoliDAZE...

2009-12-28T20:14:00.018+01:00

My first holidays "not working with troubled teens in the wilderness in four years" were thoroughly enjoyable. I barely missed the kiddos. And thanks to N and I's glorious idea we went into the forest where I served up some cheese fondue for everyone :)

How come I haven't done this before?? Like, as a staff meal when I worked in the woods? It only takes minutes once the fire is going and it's positively incredible. At least for a Swiss.

Check out the cheese string!!

Beefy found the secret recipe and stash ;)

Charming N.

Charming another N (and the photographer).

Swedish holiday dinner. Based on fish and meat.

Most important to me.. the evening walk around midnight.

My mom had sent me home-made Christmas cookies, chocolate, a candle, dried fruit, and a Swiss twig!

And my Oregon friends more than touched me with their Super-Care-Package for B and I...
Who wouldn't run off to Sweden when getting bliss in a box like this?

This is a photo of parts of Yxbacken. We went snowboarding there the other day. It shows maybe 1/2 of the whole "mountain". Was fun though!

B and I found more ice upon returning to Paradise...

And now, we're settling back in living on our own and eating holiday candy. He's got the biggest pile of candy ever (and so do I).

Also: I am a little bit concerned that I'll fall in a hole as I am a bit too non-busy these days. Just realized yesterday that I have barely worked in 2009. I was done with my last trek in early April and then only worked 2 months in August and September... crazy... how come I am not on and island somewhere if I am already taking such a long "break"? And, can I even work anymore? Need to find a way to keep the doubts at bay these days.

Nice to remember that I made some absolutely wonderful connections this year. Other than getting to celebrate this past week with friends and (their) family I also received notes and lil' packages from places I least expected it. The farmer gave me a big box of Merci Chocolate when I brought him a homemade card (featuring his cats and him), and I got a really exciting mixed CD and chocolate and a Oregon sticker and a note from Long Story Longer (one of my first blogging connections :)...).

So, plenty to do these days while waiting for the next step with my employment hopes (getting an invite for an interview to the refugee home place, visiting the moose guy in mid-January, and hearing what happened during the board meeting at Yxbacken after January 11th): Eating candy, listening to music, reading, walking the B, training the B, learning Swedish, writing... sounds dreamy, no? And like a good way to keeping the black cloud at bay that way...

Re-Gathering.

2009-12-23T14:20:00.005+01:00

These last few days with deadline and interviews were quite the thrill for me. Am still savoring the after-taste. Good thing I have B. He takes me on hikes and makes sure I gather myself and find balance... in the midst of it all. He's a master at that stuff:

He's fully present - be it observing...

... or running wild...

Nature knows the same secrets.

But B also believes in friends... even silly ones ;)

+++

So, what happened?

Well, I basically kicked a$$. For three days in a row.

I think I emphasized on here already that my application to the future refugee home was grand. I won't beat a dead horse.

I also did a mini-report on my Stockholm lunch (sushi, yay!) with the moose guy. That option could become everything I dream of. Why am I not up there yet? Maybe it's the nay-sayer within me... the part of me that has been hurt when I came here to find that I couldn't work with the people I had moved here for. Maybe it's fear of starting fresh and once more moving away from what has - in the meanwhile - become comfortable and treasured. It's also a little bit of hesitance about maybe ending up being professionally "attached" to one person. The moose guy has lots of connections. I wonder what would happen if "we" didn't work out and I was up there... in the pampa with some moose. And wolves. And bear. And mountains. And opportunities. OK, there came my dreams into the monologue again. I guess the best thing I can do right now is wait, and see if he follows through. And then head up there in January to check it out and feel the place out.

+++

Another thing is... I'm kinda in love with the process of exploring opportunities. It's a thrill for me to write incredible applications or suggested outlines to develop organizations, and I kinda wanna do that for a while. Silly...?

+++

And then, yesterday happened. I wrote on here that the ski guys had sent me an email to dampen my hopes (basically saying "yes, you can slave for us, but unfortunately there won't be money in return"). I also wrote that I would use the meeting to work on my skills of selling my skills. And, I gotta say: I impressed both them and myself. After a delicious lunch meeting at a noble restaurant (with me sitting there in my winter boots and my laid back clothing style and my disheveled hair... and my motivation brimming out of my eyes) the ski people are now infected with my dream of shaping their old school ski club hill into an alive and exciting environment for people to meet, learn new skills, and play. The environment is perfect: Of course there's the ski hill at the heart of the vision... and then there is a beautiful lake nearby and tons of forest (= undisturbed, unused open space). It's an ideal environment to teach people how to survive in the woods in the winter, avalanche awareness (even though rather unnecessary locally), wilderness first aid, etc. Due to it's location near a city it would be a perfect place to hold corporate events (team building stuff, snowshoeing tours with Gluehwein and Bonfire, etc., etc.). There is basically no limit. So, the ski guys listened to me and their eyes started to sparkle... Obviously they kept talking about the whole "we're a non-profit and can't pay anyone money"... but they realized that I may be their key to making their hill more sustainable which essentially is in the very core interest of their club. We finished the meeting with all of us glowing and my promising them I would send them an email to list what I could offer to them. They, in turn, were gonna share the goodness with the board. We'll see what happens. But for now, it feels very cool that I am capable to create job hope in places were there weren't even jobs before I moved into the picture. Feels really entrepreneur-y and cool.

After the meeting I visited two outdoor gear stores in town that just opened (they're the first ones of their kind - yay, progression in Southern Sweden!). I told the owners about my potential future work with Yxbacken and asked if they would be interested and willing to advertise for us. Both of them were eager and one of them immediately asked: "Can I come?" --- Call that what you want, but I call that success.

And, Yxbacken opens this Sunday. Guess who's going?

+++

All this being said: I really think Sweden will be my home for a while.

Dead Tired.

2009-12-21T21:02:00.008+01:00

Met the moose guy today.

As a result I have a trip up north planned January 15-20.

B's invited, too.

Will meet the three moose (Isa, Inez and Ivan) at that point [little inside scoop: Isa and Inez are going to have calves in Spring]. Am also going to be "forced" to ride a snowmobile... and allowed to bring my telemark skis for some fun of my own kind (there are some major ski hills in the area). And be given a little cabin to stay in for the time.

He's interested in hiring me and setting up a partnership of sorts to start a program of creating half-way homes for adults struggling with addiction and ideally later for youth.

It sounds great.

The energy was good. We talked for about three hours.

I'll have to sleep over it.

PS: My application to the community that wants to hire a person to create and run a home for teenage refugees was turned in yesterday at 6:54pm and kicked absolute ass.

PS PS: Tomorrow is the Yxbacken day. Got an email that was a bit backpedal-y today... they said they don't have funds... I'll try and get them convinced that if they hire me for money their income will increase... hence I'll be self-supporting. Kinda nice that this job is not massively important to me - more like a pastime project that I can learn from - so I may as well give it my all and see what happens.

Sleep. NOW...! Well, OK, after Buford has had another stroll in winter wonderland.

3rd PS: Is it normal that living like I do sometimes totally zaps my energy? Please say yes or nod or do something like that. Tack!

++++

And yes, I think if I ended up choosing the "moose guy option" my blogging would be rather entertaining....

Snow for the Soul.

2009-12-20T16:42:00.002+01:00

My feelings are bubbling... my heart jumping... happiness is flooding through my body.

Sweden has become winter wonderland. Here a few impressions of Beefy and I in the midst of it during a snowshoe trip with N & N yesterday. (All photos either by N... or N).

Getting ready to get the goods out :)
Soup, coffee, home-made bread, cheese, and hard candy.

Someone is ready for treats. And hey - no smack-talking about that jacket. That's how we roll in winter. What other dog has taken 21-day wilderness expeditions in all seasons?

It's good to be puffed up :)

This photo was taken when Beefy and I sang Christmas carols. He's bass and I am soprano (or something like that).

+++

Other than goofing around and enjoying the winter wonderland I am also breaking some ground with my Sweden future. A couple of days ago I spent around 5 hours (!!) re-working my resume. It's taken me a while to get into the zone but I was finally able to really get into it... and enjoy that process and celebrate my skills and experiences on a "piece of paper". Now I am translating it from English to German while N translates it into Swedish. He's helped me to create the most amazing Swedish letter for the refugee job that I have to apply for today via email. Deadline is midnight... If I don't get an interview with those guys I don't understand the world... The letter and resume are f-cking incredible!! I am PROUD.

I also courageously called the moose guy today as I started to feel a bit antsy and even a little pissed about what I perceived to be him morphing into a typical Swede (meaning that they talk a lot of nice things but don't friggin follow through with anything - cause he had yet to let me know when and where we were going to meet tomorrow). And, hello! things moved around very positively once again: Our interaction turned out to be very pleasant (I had prepared a rather tough rant ensuring that he gets that I am not here to waste my time or to be given pity-services). So, now I am very excited to meet him in Stockholm tomorrow where I'll hopefully also take some sweet shots of the snowy Christmas scene in our capital. He actually got active right after we talked and called up one of his friends to net-work for me... we ended up chatting quite a bit during Beefy and I's walk today. Nice. I liked the positive energy and am definitively connecting with yet another yay-sayer! :)

Before I forget: N and N and B and I also visited Yxbacken yesterday. I wanted to ensure that I had been to my potential winter job location prior to my interview on Tuesday (which, BTW: could I please get a place and time for that one, Swedes?!). The place actually surprised me with its steepness and the seriousness of its 3 slopes (counting the bunny hill slope). I kinda like the idea of working there and creating a family feel snow community on the outskirts of a city. While it won't be "wild" and "pristine" in the usual sense I believe that we could reach many by making active winter wonderland enjoyable for all. Better harass the people in charge with a phone call as well to ensure that I'll have lunch with them on Tuesday!

Aie, aie, aie.... Marlies, the harasser! ----------- I kinda like it. :) Seems to work.

Oh happy day... oh happy da-ayyy!

2009-12-18T16:52:00.006+01:00

As I promised myself (and you) yesterday, I went telemark skiing today. And, believe it or not - the weather was with me. Bluebird for "opening day"... anyone who knows about the bliss of having sticks on ones feet knows that that's the dream, right there.

Yes, I did feel a teeny bit silly as I fastened my skis amongst the neighbors getting their mail or walking their dogs or whatever else they did. I decided to just call out "hej" and smile. It worked. (As in, nobody stopped me from skiing). And B, B was jumping around me like he had been stung by a bee... in excitement that is. He knows that as soon as I tie those sticks to my feet, I become fast. And fast me, he likes. Little did he know about me skiing on mostly flat land... but hey, he lives truly in the moment and the excitement at the time was worth it.

I, for my part, was also very excited when I took the following self-portrait:

Can you smell my hunger for making it a long loop? The desire to chase Beefy on sticks through the sticks and tackle everything that will come my way (like, for example, the rocks that are barely covered, the tight corners in thorny brush, the crossing of fences - and frozen (?) water ways). Yup, I had fun - even when the going became tough. But my feet hurt. Forgot about that minor detail. Hope I get used to the boots once again quickly.

My already slow speed was slowed down even more by some really sweet photo ops. I cannot help it, the sun is at a low angle and just gets the best out of B and the lovely landscape. He endured the stops (mostly) with grace. And otherwise with a couple of heart-shaped treats...

OK, OK, there were a few spots where I actually got to go up... and down :) --- that stuff is the greatest. Kinda makes me wanna go somewhere where there are mountains. Not that this is the first time that thought crossed my mind. Get this... I started skiing when I was 3... barely. And yes, it was more so: I was started skiing when I was 3... barely. I now am 32 years old - meaning I will be a snow _______ (insert funny term) for 30 (!!!!) years by the time this winter is over. Holy cow! Never thought of it that way. Good thing there is blogging. My point was, though, that this may become my 2nd winter ever (!) without a season pass. Think that one through for a minute if you may...

Wait, that was not a minute! ;)

Anyways... Beefy and I enjoyed ourselves mostly (minus my aching feet) and are eager to go again. Tomorrow we will actually tackle some snow-shoeing with friends. We are planning on visiting my potential future work place (the tiniest ski hill on the planet) - mostly so I can get a feel for the place to then really rock the interview on Tuesday... and then we're gonna play in the forest at a lake nearby. Should be fun. Plus it's gonna stay serious minus degrees here for a bit. That's how the ice grows. Which is really important for people here. But more about that whenever N has dragged me out to do some of that favorite sport of hers. It includes the danger of breaking through the ice into the lake or sea below in one's winter clothes... Ay!

Before I end my rambling I would like to let you know that I am officially NO BEGINNER at the Swedish language anymore!! How cool is that. Even though I call some of my activities Swedish learning I don't feel as if I have really done that much official Swedish studying. Anyways, I just took a test with Folksuniversitetet (where I may or may not sign up for a course at some point) and ended up in the category A2. Below me (literally speaking) are nybörjare and A1s... above me are B1s and C1s and maybe some others. Cool, isn't it?

Maybe my not so scientific learning (e.g. changing FaceBook language to svenska, watching Dagbok från en Motorcykel in Spanish with Swedish subtitles - hey, that takes some serious skill!!) is actually paying off. Well, one can always hope for the best.

How to... Learn Svenska in Paradise.

2009-12-17T16:34:00.016+01:00

Yup, this post features my first video. Yay! Hope it will make it into your warm homes... It features the B, I, and a dictionary on our way to the farmer for Swedish class. Enjoy!

+++

After sticking his head in the snow for what seemed to be hours, Beefy brought me a mouse. It was only later that I understood the significance of his sweet gesture (I now believe he wanted to bring m-icicles to the kitties at the farmers).

Here I present to you my friend Kent. Yup, finally asked him his name :)

We agreed to have coffee more often in the future. He's a fascinating fellow who has worked as a seaman for ten years traveling all over the world. Kent views his cats as his kids (which warms my heart) and turns out to be a wonderful neighbor to have. He showed me his 16 cows later... and said I could go into the stables whenever I wanted (if I understood that correctly ;)...). When I spontaneously hugged him good bye I found out that he's a good hugger, too.
Who said all Swedes were emotional icicles? Not true.

On our way home Beef and I enjoyed some thorough winter blasts. That's when I came up with a glorious idea: Tomorrows "walk" will be the first of many on Telemark skis... until now they have been waiting patiently in my "office-n-gear-shed". I am planning to lay the tracks of a trainings loop here in paradise. Who says I cannot have fun being unemployed as long as it lasts? And who needs hills or even mountains?? (actually, I do --- don't tell the Swedes)

Scarily, this is probably the most enthusiastic I have ever looked on a photo...

2009-12-17T13:00:00.001+01:00

On "Suddenly Having a Need for an Agenda".

2009-12-15T14:28:00.003+01:00

B loving life during our morning explorations in the snow :)

+++

My journey continues to move from envisioning and dreaming to doing and going for it. Listen to my line up of important activities:

Sunday: Deadline for application (chef position) at refugee home.
Monday: Meeting of the moose guy in Stockholm for lunch.
Tuesday: Meeting the folks from Yxbacken (tiniest ski hill ever) for lunch.

Both Monday and Tuesday could lead to a sudden whirlwind to my life, meaning that there's actually a chance that I will leave either meeting and..... tada-da-daaahhhh!... have a job.

Right now I am hoping that I can either do Yxbacken in the winter followed by refugee work after that in April or May OR moving north to the moose guy and create an incredible wilderness therapy component for his existing youth home.

Wonderful and crazy that I'll get a chance to connect with such interesting projects and people.

But now, I HAVE to refocus on that best application ever...! Irresistible ideas, anyone?

Serenity.

2009-12-14T20:58:00.005+01:00

Despite soaking in the beauty of the views I got to enjoy today - I felt frazzled, restless, and nervous. I spent much of the day improving my score at Scramble (don't get started, please!), wanting to work on my incredible job application so I can work with refugees in a few months (but not actually following through with it), walking the B and taking lots of photos, sorting through the results, and some other similar stuff. Relaxing yes, but resulting in me feeling guilty and a bit sad about not accomplishing anything.

And then, I had a couple of sweet chats on Facebook. Yup, that's an sweet "place" to find some human company.

One fear that's been hovering with me is that somehow my "lottery winning" wasn't going to come through... or be less than what I anticipated, or that things would otherwise be stressful or even disastrous.

So I caught myself frantically checking my email in order to learn some bad news I envisioned when I finally decided to just check my US bank account again. And, WTF?! There they were.... the anticipated numbers that mean security to B and I. And they had been there since Friday!! Yahoooooo!!!

So, for now B and I say thanks to the heavens,... and the snow flurries,... and the sun...

... and make sweet little plans on how to best invest these numbers that offer us freedom, good night's of sleep, and sanity.

Ice in Paradise.

2009-12-14T20:46:00.002+01:00

No wonder Swedes talk about light therapy around here.

It's magical...

My Kind of Day.

2009-12-13T20:59:00.003+01:00

Stockholm, Sweden
8:47pm ST Sun 12/13/2009 Calendar	Sunrise: 8:37am Sunset: 2:46pm

Source: http://www.sunrisesunset.com/