Saturday, February 27, 2010

Central America - here I come!!

Wow.

I just sealed the following deal:

Drive south, hug the Beef, leave with N & N.

Travel to US (Montana) to hug a friend and to meet teenage boy on farm.

Take boy, travel to Central America (exact location to be determined by yours truly).

Backpack for about a week, successfully reach goal of challenge (created by yours truly).

Return to Montana, do farm-y stuff with boy (also, food bank, fitness center, animal care).

Warmly welcome back friend (who owns farm) after her trip to Peru.

(Possibly take a quick trip to hug friends in Oregon).

Come back to farm, get some new client backpacking.

(Possibly take a quick trip to hug friends in Oregon) - only once though.

Return to Sweden.

Hug the Beef.

Start own business in Sweden.



Have I mentioned that life is incredible? Wow-ser.

Friday, February 26, 2010

On Fire!

Wow! Where to start?

OK, let's do this first:




You may actually want to get a cup of coffee to read this post. I have a feeling it's going to be somewhat lengthy... just saying! ;)

+++

So, things are falling into place like never before since Beefy and I laid eyes upon our new home.

You know... I haven't even really started falling in love with my car Trusty yet - mostly because soooo much other stuff is happening. Usually my life only features a couple of highlights a week. This past week... well... I am actually writing this to find out just how many good things have happened... I LOST TRACK!?! Awesomeness.

The goodness started when I last wrote... about the fireplace and stuff. Here a couple of pics to share the beauty:

See, I'm not only asking you to drink coffee... I'm leading by example!


Here a pic of my loves... (Buford, the woodpile - which is loved by Buford also, olive oil, blood oranges, "alive" basil, sunlight in my kitchen.... :)....):


So, yeah... let me go back a little. Despite Buford and I's efforts of warming the house we had the pipes freeze a couple of nights ago. The coldest night yet at -30 did it. I was able to unfreeze the ones for the kitchen within a day but am still without water in the bathroom. Showers? For losers... - Stinky? Me. (Only that I take cat showers at the kitchen sink... good thing I have no immediate neighbors). And you know what? I LOVE IT. Cause it forces me to get to know the house better. And learn. And learn I do a lot.

I also secured my weekend job in the meanwhile. Tomorrow is my first day. Ahhhh... income. My job will be to travel around the area in a team and checking vacation houses in between tourists leaving and new ones arriving. Mr. Moose said that it's an excellent way to study interior design (maybe therewith hinting that I need to do some loving to my house). We will see. I like that I get to travel about the ski town parts of my new home... and have I mentioned that I will have an income?

Additionally, I went to town (3,500 inhabitants... cute, no?) this week to meet with some officials. I wanted to see if I can get into the system more and... for example... finally get the free Swedish courses through SFI (Svenska for invandare) that I was promised almost a year ago. And a personnummer. So I can be seen as a person. And guess, what?! I was able to go through the process of applying without needing to resort to tears, fists, or any other power tool. They just took it in and said it will be taken care of. Up North, you're my hero!

I also met with Arbetsformedlingen... they don't only help people get jobs, they also support people who start their own business. Which is... ME!... in case you forgot. (I sometimes do). And I learned that I will get financial support from them as soon as I have registered my company. Not a lot, mind you, but close to what one would get as an existenzminimum - for 6 months! FREE MONEY!! For me! And just as I was typing away here I got a phone call from a lady that will help me set up my business plan and such. That service is for free here in Sweden, too. I think the door to Sweden has finally opened itself to me... :)

And - and this is probably the most exiting piece so far: I may already have my first client!!!! I have been contacted by the woman who is the lead therapist on the TV show that I was part of again (which is airing now and leads to lots of FB friending attempts by strangers, emails, and a soon to be published interview in Blick.ch by yours truly). She asked me if I could take in one of the boys she works with (in the US) for a few weeks at the end of March into April. Or if I wanted to go travel in Central America with him... The most recent development is... sit down and wait with that next sip of coffee - I may get the boy to come live with me here for 2-3 weeks [perfect opportunity for me to fine-tune my future business while playing] AND THEN BRING THE BOY BACK TO THE STATES AND STAY A LITTLE!!! Who knows what all this is going to lead to?! First and foremost to some income to yours truly again.... but also experience.... credibility here in the commune... really important networking... seeing my friend again... getting to experience her business - that looks much like what I am building towards... maybe even a mini-trip from Montana to Oregon???... OK... gotta stop dreaming and wait for reality information. But, now that you can drink coffee again... wanna also spend some time crossing your fingers for me?

Have I mentioned that Beefy has taken on the job to warm my butt while I write this? Teamwork par excellence!

What else?

It's snowing outside... a lot. I have started to park Trusty up at the road so I won't have to fret about driving up my driveway. It's a short one anyways... but, you know... I'd rather not have to be rescued more than once a day.

Becoming a redneck has never sounded this good to me... ;)

Oh, and Sweet Shoulders wants to meet up to ski with B and I on the weekend of week 12 (they ALWAYS count weeks here... wonder how they do it?!).

Oh, and I'll go to yoga for the first time on Monday. Not the first time ever... but the first time Up North. I sure hope the room will be heated well. Otherwise I'll have to bring Beefy to warm my butt while I... I'm in the triangle pose... (I bet he can pull it off somehow).



OK... all yoga-esque I'll take a deep breath now and slowly back away from the computer to let you - savor my news - and then go on with your day.

Thanks for your part in all this... and take care.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Here and Now has never been this exciting!!

Since we arrived Up North, Beefy does either this:

The little guy destroying the even littler guys - with much gusto!

Or that:

Notice how he actually ear-snuggles the radiator...
... that's a hint, for what it's been like SO FAR.


+++

Yup, Buford is either playing to stay warm... or curling up near the heat source to stay warm (at night that's me). It's cold up here... -20 degrees Celsius during the day.. and -27 degree Celsius right now. That's cold. Really cold.

The snow that's falling is microscopically small. Magical really. Crazily the cold is what keeps me from riding that stuff... am worried that Beefy will freeze to death waiting in the car for me to do some runs... or freeze off his little paws coming along... or die of worry if I leave him home alone. We just arrived after all. Plus... I kinda don't know where to go either. I'm the new kid on the block. Or... the road. Cause there aren't blocks here... that's why I moved here. :)

+++

I spent my first day here meeting with some folks from the addiction center, getting further encouragement to follow through with my plans... and then the next getting my stuff moved from the car into the house. Looking back I think I was a bit in a daze... I may still be in it, actually.

Arriving here and getting settled into "my house" is quite the trip for my mind. It means that I'm finally in the place I have dreamed of for.... ever. I'm in a place where I can start growing roots... building community... a business... a home... all of it. No more... once I am "there" I can do such and such. But: Here and Now. Period.

Scary... and exciting. Until today I was still a little hung up on some stuff... like: Not being able to use the wood stove in my house. That was a big deal to me... not knowing what it would end up costing to heat the house via radiators... (my answer to that was to turn all of them off - minus the ones in the kitchen and declare the kitchen my living zone). I also started to have worries creep back in related to income... where will it come from? To my defense I gotta say though that I dealt with those worries quite beautifully. Bought some healthy food and started my simple life right by making good meals from scratch right away... :) - can you say: fresh basil? Brussel sprouts? ---- Nice job.

Today things changed around another 180 degrees.

Mr. Moose came for a visit. On his snowmobile. Obviously... that's how he likes to travel.

And this is what he brought into my life:

- The OK to use the wood stove... and therewith making my house perfect.
- The info that the shed is full of wood. Yay!
- Warmth and comfort (see above... 10 degrees difference - now it's 20).
- My first job! Working two days a week will magically put me into a financially relaxed place...

Can you believe it?

What that all means is that my recent choices of moving Up North have led to some significant and important changes in my life...

... within the last week I have added the following elements to my life:

- A beautiful house for Beefy and I (OK, it may not be BEAUTIFUL yet...)
- A (t)rusty car :)
- A job (first one after living here for 6 months)
- Been asked to give an interview to Switzerland's biggest newspaper
- Received fan mail ;)
- Moved to a place where I can ski and snowboard
- Reached a place to realize my dreams... like... NOW
- Found new people to support my visions
- Become neighbors with three tame moose

Doesn't that FRIGGIN' ROCK??!!!! It basically means that my ballsy move already has paid off...

I think it's all thanks to the Beef... but don't tell him, otherwise he'll request more food... ;)


Friday, February 19, 2010

Finally: Up North.


This is what Buford did all day yesterday:


How can one not adore the little bugger? :)

+++

And now... ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present:

Our (new old) car... and our house Up North!!!

Can you believe the Swedish flag???

And now, if you could excuse me...: I got a house to clean and cozy up!!


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Thursday, February 18, 2010

Surviving...

Beefy and I bought our Volvo alternative yesterday (cute white Volvo 245 with some rusty decor... and fully functioning!). We are minutes from driving Up North. Yesterday I was on prime-time television in Germany. I got 7 friend requests and several messages (from strangers) on Facebook during the episode and afterward. Crazy.

Wish us a good trip. Next time you hear from us we will know our new home and be neighboring the moose (or else...).

Here's to a lucky day to all of us!!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Post 100: Evaluation Time...!

This is post # 100. (Don't mind the couple of draft posts in my dashboard).

It's time to evaluate how things are going.

(In reality this post is meant to distract me from the pain that I feel/felt in my belly when I learned that I bought a lemon instead of a reliable beautiful car last week). This could have easily become a hate post. But thanks to my optimistic disposition I'll turn it into something else. What...? No idea. Please, stay with me while I find out.

I have lived in Sweden for approximately 6 months now (June and July partially, and then from mid October till now). During this time I have:

- Lived with a family that I didn't know prior.
- Learned a little Swedish.
- Lost a job that I had moved for that I really never even got.
- Got an apartment.
- Let go of an apartment.
- Moved Beefy here.
- Learned that it is INSANE to move to Sweden (some days at least).
- Appreciated the beauty of the forests, lakes, and the sea in Southern Sweden.
- Swam in many lakes and different places in the sea.
- Taken bike trips.
- Taken daily walks with Buford.
- Bought a car.. ahem lemon.
- Visited Up North.
- Returned a car after threatening the shithead who sold it to me. Voodoo anyone?
- Decided to move - Up North.
- Snowboarded once.... what the ...?!?!
- Telemark-skied only on ridiculously flat terrain (lame, inefficient version of x-country skiing).
- Seen one wild moose and fed three tame ones.
- Couch-surfed mucho.
- Made a few very good friends.
- Lost one very good friend (ouch!!).
- Taken hundreds of photos of my rock.
- Had a grand total of 11,000 SEK of income (from Sweden that is)... that's a joke, people... = approximately 1,400 USD... divided onto 6 months... (stomach flutter pain returns).



Yesterday I caught myself thinking "maybe I should leave now"... - cause particularly looking at my "income" makes me cringe... and my luck with apartments, jobs, and cars doesn't help. I also told N & N under tears that I hate "bringing all that badness into their life". That's how I felt. It's not fun. And still... (you can call me crazy now): I'm not giving up. I think there is something waiting for me Up North. Something powerful that will make all this... stuff... worth it. I believe that I am just working my way into the place that I belong. I gotta say though: It would really help my self-confidence and my trust in life to have some sort of success sometimes soon. How can one capable courageous woman continuously be discouraged by the environment? How long does one last? Or better, how long do I last...? And, will it get easier?

I think I'll have to drink that Mirror Pond beer tonight that my friends sent me for Christmas. Not in despair - I almost did that yesterday after learning about the lemon - but in... well.. in a grounding sort of way. I guess I could celebrate 100 blog posts as well as having Beefy and N & N in my life? [In case you haven't noticed, this is your friendly cue to tell me that yes, I should indeed drink a wonderful beer from the Pacific Northwest tonight].

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Beefy Panify at his Best!


This post is dedicated to my rock.

Bliss...


Loyalty (not only to the ball).


Finding beauty.




Sincerely... wanna play some, mama?


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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

It's a boy!!


Yes, I did...

... get a car.

Around midnight.


Clearly, it's a boy.

Bought it from a farmer's boy.


It's a Turbo... (environment, please forgive me).


But, it's offering me:




And it allows Beefy and I to move Up North.

And take care of stuff...

Like, checking on stugas on Saturdays (our first side-job Up North).

He's pretty in a subtle way, no?

He's born in 1994.

He's a Volvo 945.

Automatic.


He even has a hitch!

And we got Thule bars with it.

Just a little rust.


And lots of space.

For adventures...

Like sleep ins :)





Next up:
-Insurance shopping
-Registering him in my name
- Cleaning him, packing
- Finding a suitable name.

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Monday, February 8, 2010

Lim(b)o.

I've been hiding.

I'm trying to stop that. It's not helpful.

I don't really know what's going on... here's the objective (ha! whom am I kidding??) update:

Car: I'm in contact with a guy who will likely sell me his Volvo 245. I've test-driven it... I've overcome my reservations about some rust, and I love it's classy style. I also love that every Swede who hears about my intention of buying it says something like this: "... a Volvo? You're going to have NO problem getting it fixed for cheap if necessary"... or... "a Volvo? It's the most reliable vehicle you can get! Go for it!"... or... "some rust? Hey, that's normal... but the engine will run FOREVER!". So, now the seller just needs to get his shit together and fix the stuff he said he was gonna and.... let go of my car. He's a human though who has his dad in the ICU due to a stroke and as a result is insanely busy and keeps postponing the deal. Cannot wait to get started on cleaning it out and readying it for the trip Up North! (Well, at least I cannot wait to lay my hands onto my hopefully-soon-acquired freedom-bil!!).

House: I keep hearing funny stuff about my future house. Like, apparently there is a motorcycle in the bathtub... or was it a shower? Anywho, it sounds like I will get to put some work in "making it mine" (=cleaning and cozying it up). But that's the funnest part anyways, no? I totally daydream about arriving up there... and becoming a part of a comedy of sorts. What I envision is me arriving and there being no... driveway... cause as a house-renter one probably has to do ones own shoveling and stuff, huh? Particularly if there isn't another house on the road (which is very likely). Next up, burying a way into the house and then checking if there is any wood and/or electricity. Mr. Moose actually told me that he was going to have people clean it up a bit and put lights and carpets in (am not a carpet fan but am letting them do what they want... I can always move stuff, right? There may be a good reason for carpet...). He also offered to make a snowmobile track between our houses so that Beefy and I can go visit the moose without troubles.... is this his way of telling me that I am now moose responsible?? OK with me. So, long story short: I think it will be fun to make it there and start to figure these things out... and still, something is keeping me stalling instead of shoving me towards the leap...

Job: In the meanwhile I have attempted to make some connections Up There... turns out that I really need to be there to make any movement. But I have sent an email to some role models of mine that are looking for a co-editor for a book in International Adventure Therapy. I didn't really apply... mostly just let them know that I exist. Cause, you know... I would die to be part of a community that develops this field internationally. Would be nice to not be so isolated in that task. By the way, Yxbacken and the refugee application have been quite the disappointment. I never even heard back of the refugee place (which is truly shocking to me) and have gotten really lame interactions from Yxbacken. Thinking about that stuff I am getting really eager to leap.
I'm also going to be on German TV in a good week. Prime-time Wednesday evenings for quite a few weeks. Kinda crazy... I am going back and forth being really excited about it and scared shitless.
Overall I can say that I am feeling encouraged in my decision to move closer into the wild. A large part of me is needing that kind of environment and I am getting positive signals from all over about the move. I really just need to do it, huh?

Friends: I've been thinking a lot about friends recently. I have lost friends before... and it just happened again. In part due to my decision making. I hate it when it feels as if I cannot offer myself integrity and keep friends. I guess with healthy friends it should be possible. Sorry to be somewhat cryptic, but I don't know how to do it better. Fact is that I have few people in my Swedish environment that I consider friends, which, on occasion leads to me feeling lonely. You cannot imagine how much I long to have a catch up with a friend that I have known more than a few months. I long to "let go" of my burden of being here the way I am. Moving away from the South hurts a bit cause I have found a few people here that are important to me or are in the process of getting there. Obviously there are more where I am headed. I guess I just wanna acknowledge that my adventures have tough sides to them as well.

Dating: I'm dating Swedes. Yup, that's right... Swedes... not "a Swede". I'm finally "getting out there". And it's surprisingly easy, and fun, and empowering. Love how it shifts my attention from being hilariously professional 24/7 to being more playful. Plus I have never really been one to date and play. Now I am. Kinda overnight (no pun intended here ;)...). It's totally beneficial cause I get to connect with different people and learn about my new country. And it's much more fun when ONE date doesn't mean either heaven or hell. Pssst! ... am still in contact with Sweet Shoulders by the way. He's the sweetest so far. Kinda wish the future distance was smaller.

Buford: B is the best. I cannot even fathom to do this by myself. (This = everything). He's my anchor, my tickle, my sun, my breeze, my laughter, my soul, my tears... Bringing him into my life continues to be the single best thing I have done. Period. It will feel awesome to conquer the world with him in our freedom-bil. We're both tired today... took a 11 km walk earlier. It was glorious.




Now.... could I please get my car and move on?

I think that would help.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Basic Needs.

I overcame *shitballz!*-day.

Only to reach *hallelujah!*-day today.

I am in the process of e-filing my taxes and am getting a return that allows me to say "YES" to a car! AND Mr. Moose has found a house for me... YES, A HOUSE! It costs just a teeny bit more than half of what I paid in Paradise (for an apartment). *Hallelujah!*. And Beefy and I will live just two houses down from the moose farm.... Yup, we'll have moose neighbors.

Ahhhh, the life... treating me well.

*HALLELUJAH!!!**